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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    The 2019 Writers' Tournament  ›  Bobble-ageddon - WT Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Bobble-ageddon - WT  (currently 1308 views)
AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 5th, 2019, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
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This made me smile and then laugh, good comedy writing here.

The story lost me a couple of time, but that's probably me.

Was certainly pretty unique.

Good effort


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Spqr
Posted: June 6th, 2019, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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A cute story with a couple of lightweight characters and a big dildo that's about to screw the Earth. A sex comedy is not one of the approved genre fusions, however.
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Zack
Posted: June 6th, 2019, 1:11pm Report to Moderator
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This one might be my favorite thus far. Literally no complaints I can think of. Great, visual writing. It all flowed very well.

A fast, funny read. Nailed the comedy and the sci-fi. Great work here.
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FrankM
Posted: June 6th, 2019, 9:24pm Report to Moderator
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Absurd enough to be a sci-fi comedy, nice fusion there. If the government in Brazil (1985) had a space force, it would have sent Hector. Loved the SUPERs, which got all the best lines.


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
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ReneC
Posted: June 7th, 2019, 10:10am Report to Moderator
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Wow, that first page blew me away. I was set for a good ride, but alas, it fizzled soon after.

The premise is great, it's got the perfect tone, and the characters are good (Hector is great). The dialogue gets into wink-wink-nudge-nudge territory with the witty banter that isn't really witty. You were doing better with playing it straighter and letting the absurdity of the situation carry the comedy.

The flashback was a bit awkward, but it's hard to do it any other way because of the restrictions. You could lose the part about the backup pilot and just stick with the situational comedy, no need to explain why a broken pilot is in space.

I'd also lose the spoiler with the asteroid in the beginning. Show us the bobblehead, and leave the asteroid as the twist it is. Maybe it's a swarm of asteroids, obviously debris from the same planet and no explanation needed.

One of the rare ones that nailed the criteria too. Excellent entry all around.


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jayrex
Posted: June 7th, 2019, 5:02pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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I like this one.

Meets the criteria easily.

I can see the writer had fun writing this one.  A fun read.

I like the take on the bobblehead angle.  Nice unexpected ending too.


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DustinBowcot
Posted: June 8th, 2019, 2:52am Report to Moderator
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A decent effort... Maybe a B-

Not bad considering those straws you were clutching at.
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