The story was good, and I liked the characters. Only problem I had was with the single blow from the bobblehead laying out Schnederly. Unless Barry is made of depleted uranium, you might want to use a heavier device.

The Mobile Psychiatrist is a good premise for a bigger script. And Dr. Schnederly is too good of a character to die! It should be he who triumphs, and installs bobbles with Lulu and William's heads in his own collection of troublesome patients and/or late-payers.

Hmm, this one started out well. But it really fizzles out after the doctor is killed. I think you had an opportunity to build up the suspense a bit more.

Some of the dialog was pretty funny, but on a whole this was kinda bland. Not a very satisfying story IMO.

Still, a solid effort here.

This is an excellent script. Very funny, though light on horror. I really like how you incorporated bobbleheads into your story. No real faults, I thought it was the fastest read so far, except I felt the sequence after the doctor is taken to their house dragged more than the other parts of your script.

My favorite (and most humorous) bit of the whole story was the husband, William. Everything else was just so random. I wish we could've just had more of him.

You had me for the first 2/3 of the story and then it lost my interest when she bashed the doc with Barry. The mobile doc was a great idea but it wasn't (and should've) been key to the story.

It had some comedy and an unsuccessful attempt at horror. But it tried. Decent writing, characters and dialog. I just didn't find it too funny.

Hi Writer,

I liked the opening, the idea of the shrink in the RV is great, but then all went a little downhill.

I think I know what you were going for, but William and Lulu motivations are not properly introduced, as well as why they kidnap people and print bobble-heads of them instead of just killing them. IMO this needs a little more explanation. As it is, it feels a little random, or forced.

But it's nice that you tried something original. The writing is good and you'll score good in characters, dialogue and prose. The horror is light, but the parameters are meet. No complaints in that area.

All the best,
David