Hi writer,

Quoted Text PUN What fuck? Doc. You go crazy? Eli Manning not going in this hole! (covers crotch with left hand) Or that hole! (covers rear with right hand) A-Rod...maybe. Eli, no way, Jose!

My eyes are glazing over already. I'll soldier on, somehow.

Quoted Text this get crazier every second.

Agreed, and not in any good way.

Not sure how to comment on this, it was by far the worst of the batch. Sorry, but I have nothing for you. I comment only to show I've read the entry.

All the best.

Since I have finished my reads I have decided to give this one a second go, since the first time it completely passed me by and my comment was not helpful.

A second read has benefited - Pun needs something from the Doc, which is why she has put up with this abuse before... but, it then begs the question as to why did she go and put on the maids outfit and was seemingly willing to go through it again? The document is there, already signed - she doesn't need to do this again if she has the ability to kick his ass and just take the document - like she eventually does anyway.

What other door does the Doc come out of? Pun has just come out of the ensuite so presumably, the only other door leads to the lounge - why would he go in there to get naked, only to come back in?

I can't tell if Pun's accent is authentic, or a racist interpretation... I'm leaning towards the latter.

The references to who the bobbleheads are representing are lost on me (obviously not the writer's fault) - but I think that also hinders my understanding of this.

"Pun opens the closet door" - OK, I got confused on my first read because this has been written as if the closet has already been established, it hasn't... I don't think.

OK - I have found another place I was confused about before - How did Monty get into the office without Pun seeing him? The way I have the layout pictured in my head is - Outside leads into the Lounge - the lounge leads into the office - the office leads into the ensuite. But obviously that doesn't work because Monty would have had to walk past Pun to get to the office... so there must be another way into the office.
Obviously, you can't write a whole building blueprint into a script, just saying this as justification as to how I become confused with the action and where things were in relation to each other.

Quoted Text PUN This not what Doc told me.

Doc didn't tell her anything about anything - At the beginning, the Doc says "But...I need one more time, and then it ends." - IE this was not pre-arranged (at least no one told Pun it was pre-arranged)

The Pun character is all over the place - Weak, timid, she screams she cries shes frightened... then... actually shes a badass warrior

FYI - Chun-Li is Chinese, not Japanese (Capcom who created her is a Japanese company but the Chun-Li character is Chinese)

The second read cleared some things up - I still didn't enjoy it though.

It was weird, sexist, racist... The kind of video that should remain deep down in the dark web.

Not a lot of thought went into it, It's still confusing and has more holes than a slice of Swiss cheese - I would be surprised if this wasn't a drink-fueled 11th-hour entry

I skipped over the parts that were technically bad just to get to the next crazy part. So bad it's good.

Nothing to add.

Yikes. Definitely not for me.

I usually try and read scripts even if they aren't my cup of tea... but, I just flat couldn't get through this one. Sorry.

Stupid script. Pun-li is not a Japanese name, and her pidgin english is ridiculous. The bobble over Johnson's pokey is ludicrous. And I don't know what the hell Monty was doing here.

Writer,

Thought this was damn funny. A little heavy handed on the bobbleheads early on -- your first three action blocks could have been rolled into one. Thought the Eli Manning and Billy Martin jokes were funny, but as evidenced, not everyone's gonna get it.

Overall, not sure where this went and why, but I got a kick out of it.

Steve

pg. 1 - “I need one more time,” This reads awkwardly.

I like how disturbing this is, and that it also has action. I like how the office and lounge were decked out in obscure things. I think the badly spoken English dialogue should be made into fluent English, and some parts of your script are very sexist, even for a screenplay based on anime.

Never Know what you'll Get

no logline will cost you one point in the writing category from the go

Btw I also find the title rather lame, especially after reading the content, it could be much more striking and provoking.

Okay, it's borderline sexist but who cares when the self-irony legitimates its existence. I think you never left the storyline, which no matter what, felt consistent throughout. This way you weaved and wriggled yourself through this hard challenge. Well, it was consistent and kept the tone…  
I know the writer... always gets away with his/her shit with me.

What did I just read? I can't wait to read Jeff's comments.

This was totally off the wall and nonsensical.

Quoted from JEStaats What did I just read? I can't wait to read Jeff's comments. This was totally off the wall and nonsensical.

HA!  i actually liked it.  I thought it was pretty damned funny, but then again, I like pissers.

Quoted from Dreamscale HA!  i actually liked it.  I thought it was pretty damned funny, but then again, I like pissers.

Yeah... I wonder who wrote it?

Quoted from DustinBowcot Yeah... I wonder who wrote it?

Me too, but I have a pretty good idea.

Every time I see the title it reminds me of a line from one of my alltime fave songs, ‘Surrender’ by Cheap Trick

Mother told me, yes she told me, I’d meet girls like you
She also told me, stay away, you’ll never know what you’ll catch

The Eli Manning bit was damn funny lol

Quoted from stevie The Eli Manning bit was damn funny lol

So was Billy Martin!

Those Mannings are dic'heads!