Based on the title and logline, I would never even open this up, but I guess I have to.

2 whole pages in and not 1 tiny amount of comedy.  Lots of "Bro dialogue" that goes nowhere.  Writing not good, missing words here and there, repeating words here and there, just overall dull.

OH yeah!!  There's a CUT TO:.  This is looking up for sure now.  Wow, shocking how much those transitions help the story and overall quality of the script.

HA!  And what we're cutting to is the exact same Slug, with a LATER in it.  How about just "LATER"?

"He’s having the time of his life." - He is?  Oh, cool.  Thanks for telling us!

"He couldn’t possibly dance any whiter." - This is very racist.  I'm offended!

"FAST ZOOM to Luke’s left eye, into the dilated pupil.CUT TOLACK  FADE IN:" - Oh, that was neat.  Thanks for that.  Quite a few wasted lines here.

lays/lies - please learn the difference for God's Sake!

Very sick, racist, sexist, gross.  I'm very offended.

Two dumb young guys looking for a party wherever they find it works here because of the location. But there was nothing different about this party despite its location. Why put it in a sewer, if it doesn’t end with the sewer equivalent of a pie-throwing fight? And the date-rape ending was not humorous.

Lol....loved it. My type of writer.   Anyone that has ever done the club scene can relate to at least one or more situations.  I try to fly my freak flag everyday . Not has high as Luke’s tho.

When you’re that young and looking for female action . You would literally party anywhere . Like a sewer. lol

Most of us have that friend who does nothing but complain the whole time.  We should have went here and should have done this.  Luke was relatable in that sense.

Luke prolly called him back for round two. Lol.  

The scene he couldn’t dance any more white. Lol. That’s so true. You dance with a ebony princess or in Lukes case , prince , you better have moves or you gonna look silly.

Well done.

Quoted from Dreamscale What does this mean?  Are you really saying a hetero male would be cool finding out he just had sex with a transvestite?  Uhhh, I don't care what era it is, no one I associate would find this to be acceptable.

Me neither. The very idea is disgusting. That's what makes me hetero.

Do we honestly live in a world now where it's not OK to be a hetero male?

Gay guys I know are disgusted by the smell of fish... does that make them bigots? No, they're just honest. Like I am. Most of the lesbians I know hate men, does that make them bigots? Well... OK with that one.

I didn't enjoy this story. It's a one-note joke stretched into an entire story. A lot of these stories I'm reading are not actual stories but scenes from movies. This one wasn't set up well enough. The protag needed to be set up as maybe a braggart who's really a virgin, or maybe somebody that hates gays and then he gets his comeuppance - that's almost a pun.

His reaction to finding out he'd slept with a man seemed underdone... as though he didn't actually mind that much. He's even bleeding from the arse. For most hetero men (and many gay ones) that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to them - aside from dying.

A weak effort this one... although I did enjoy the visual of the blond black woman until I found out it's actually a man. What a shame.

Written by an experienced screenwriter(who knows the "rules").

Dialog sounds way too familiar. As though maybe the writer is always inserting himself into his/her/their characters..

I don't really have anything to add on the story or the humor.

The writing is solid, I'll score it accordingly.

OMG laughing out loud at your title.

Really good writing on display here... GREAT dialogue as well(few words left out...could tell you were writing fast).

LOL @ rolling on X in a sewer!

OMG this is the funniest one so far to me. Rave in the sewer. On drugs. Oh lordy.

FAST ZOOM to Luke�s left eye, into the dilated pupil. LOL LOL LOL can see this on screen man!

OMG this was def the funniest to me so far. Could see the end coming though a mile away but still funny... the whistle part I did NOT see coming!

Great job writer.

First thought is how does these two characters get together? They are described as opposites.

Clever set-up with the partially dissolved pills at the bottom of the bottle. We'll see how this will play part later on.

Finished.

The comedy came late in this story, but was there. I could see the ending coming. Perhaps being a little more subtle would keep the surprise more of a surprise. Like not having Jeronda be a LOT larger for example.

You had a sewer, but I felt that this really could have taken place at any space that's large enough to hold a rave.

You did have a whistle and I enjoyed the way you used it here. That was funny. I bet no one else used it in the same way.

Finally, I think you should work in Ryan somewhere near the end too so that he didn't just disappear. I still don't get how these too guys that are complete opposites are together. Why not make them two skater types or two jocks. If they are opposites, I feel that you need to explain that to us a little. Related? Childhood friends?

A few typos, but otherwise written well enough.

All in all, good job.  

Quoted from Grandma Bear First thought is how does these two characters get together? They are described as opposites. Clever set-up with the partially dissolved pills at the bottom of the bottle. We'll see how this will play part later on. Finished. The comedy came late in this story, but was there. I could see the ending coming. Perhaps being a little more subtle would keep the surprise more of a surprise. Like not having Jeronda be a LOT larger for example. You had a sewer, but I felt that this really could have taken place at any space that's large enough to hold a rave. You did have a whistle and I enjoyed the way you used it here. That was funny. I bet no one else used it in the same way. Finally, I think you should work in Ryan somewhere near the end too so that he didn't just disappear. I still don't get how these too guys that are complete opposites are together. Why not make them two skater types or two jocks. If they are opposites, I feel that you need to explain that to us a little. Related? Childhood friends? A few typos, but otherwise written well enough. All in all, good job.

You'd think so, wouldn't you? But you'd be very, very wrong.

There were two recurring things in this round: IT and whistles in the ass.

This is better than I thought it was going to be. It was predictable, and it could be set up much stronger, but it does work. All the pieces are there, it just needs something to make the ending have a bigger impact. I'm not a fan of going homophobic just for the irony, but what if he bounds out of bed because he's late for a meeting or something and as surprising as it was that he had sex with a man, it's the whistle in his ass that's the real problem?

The characters and dialogue are strong. The writing is crude but good, it matches the tone very well. I wonder if this was a rush job, as good as it was it seems like it could have easily been better with more time.