I wish there was no Narrator. But seems like it's all about the Narrator. I don't know if you called James' story titled Narrator if I'm not mistaken. That one is great.
Anyway, marks for taking on something different and this hard.
But the story didn't excite me. Nor did the characters for some reason.

Hi Writer,

I liked that you had fun writing this.

The beginning was pretty good, it pulled me right in, well done, but then things got messy - in part for the parameters of the challenge, I know - and you lost me.

Using a narrator was clever and there were some funny lines, but, storywise, it wasn't much story, just three thieves on the run that find a crazy clown in a sewer and blown a whistle, the end.

Another IT parody that breaks the fourth wall.

I think that it would have worked better if it had been a straight horror.

Good job anyway,
David

It's okay.  It does have some creative promising touches.  The ending wasn't the best.  For me this meets the criteria.

The story was okay. I didn’t care for the Narrator much. I think I understand what you was going for. . Some good lines of dialogue in places. The clown was good. I get a gun won’t have the same effect on someone that doesn’t care or wants to die.

You told me a story and I got it for the most part.

Keep writing and all the best!

I knew this would not score well, and that it would piss off some readers. But I found the idea of breaking the fourth wall irresistible. I think as writers we need to be willing to experiment and think outside the box.

Strangely, a couple of days after submitting this I read an article about the new Bill Murray zombie movie. Apparently they do something very similar near the end of the film where Bill's character speaks to the unseen writer/director, and the lines between Bill Murray and his character become blurred. I have not seen the movie, can't say if it worked, but we should be willing take chances as creators.

And though I didn't score well, I don't regret this decision. Maybe in the hands of a better writer it would work out better. But I am still amused by the comedic potential of using a narrator this way.

I also poked fun of myself in this, with one of the characters attacking the writer as a know-it-all who usually knows nothing. And I like the idea that the characters are annoyed by the narrator, but they come to entertain the idea that he might be in a position to help them get out.

There is a strange mental disorder called Jumping Frenchman from Maine. Victims of this jump whenever they are startled. They can't stop it. This was the disorder I gave the clown, and I initially had that in the dialog, but then removed it.

It's a forgettable story, but I am still intrigued by using this method to break the fourth wall.

The period drama 'Gentlemen Jack' on the BBC breaks down the 4th wall very well - Glances to the audience, monologues to the camera - not often but I think it works very well

Yeah, House of Cards does it. It's been done. What intrigued me in mine was the idea that the narrator is  heard by the characters, and then occasionally interacting with them. Like I said, needs a better writer, but I don't think even Aaron Sorkin would have scored well in a competition like this if he tried that because people are reading quick and they've just not prepared for something too outside the box.