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This falls apart on page three. Despite making a joke about the first info dump that can easily let slide due to the comedy value, this doesn't carry forward. You get to do it once in a 5-page short. After that, I tried to stay in, but the Pennywise thing was just too out of nowhere... despite that being the premise. It just doesn't work. But a valiant effort.
Okay, for a story combining shit with It, you really need to hone up on apostrophes e.g. it's = it is.
Some humour but it didn't really tickle my funnybone. The info dump and script stuff was entertaining but then it went by the wayside. Perhaps you didn't have the time to develop that? Whistles and spider sphincters? Not really my thing.
Title and logline pretty much give this away - that it's either going to really suck, or it's a pisser, pissing on King's IT. Neither are going to work with me...I don't think, but you never know. Let's see...
The SUPER is so poorly worded, missing a comma, and most likely a dash. It's almost as if you purposely wrote it as poorly as you could.
So, here we go again...a character is talking about this being a script. That's not a good sign of what's to come.
"The sight of me and It standing and gazing into each eyes won’t be riveting." - Again, if you're seriously trying to make the dialogue as cringe worthy as possible, you're succeeding by omitting words. Just absolutely redonkulous!
Otay...the end. There's some funny shit here for sure, but I can't really be impressed with a spoof of something unless that was the challenge, as you didn't create your own world, characters, story, nothing.
And to top it all off, the writing is terrible.
Story - nothing of your won doing
Characters - none of your own making
Dialogue - hit and miss between very funny to just absolutely terrible
Not being a fan of horror, and not having seen/read IT, I'm not sure I'm best suited for scoring this script.
I'll have to decide if it's appropriate for me to or not.
I read it, and on its own, it was just okay. I'm thinking fans of IT might see more than me.
Sorry I can't give a better review. Just not much for me to offer.
PaulKWrites.com
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okay, the good old early self-ironic fourth wall breaking…
more than that using screenwriting terminology that the "ordinary" audience isn't interested in or(and) unable to comprehend.
what now? I need to read it, right? Ahhh…
Well, I just have read such talking-to-me intro with a following crazy plot too often before. Sorry, perhaps I'll come back and read again to maybe find some more points for you, but for now I just want to open another one.
The other It spoof - my fave novel actually! I had planned a spoof myself of It as the sewer theme immediately brought it to mind But I went with something else.
Some great lines and images here but staying with the 4Th wall type dialogue may have been a better option as other reviews suggest. Still, good effort and I got some laughs lol
I'm pretty much done with whistle up the ass scripts. There's nothing much imaginative about it. You may a try with something different by being self-referential and breaking that fourth wall, but it doesn't make for a great story. The writing isn't awful, but it just doesn't really take off for me. It's too cute for its own good. It meets all the criteria, but for me that's about it.
Best of luck with it.
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
Sorry writer, but this one doesn't do it for me. Never been a fan of fourth wall breaking.
Feel like I was forgetting this as I was reading it. Lots of dialog, which isn't very funny IMO. And the actions lines aren't very visual at all. It just didn't grab me.
A writer with an actual sense of humor...writing a comedy! That alone should be worth some...good shit.
What really helps is that you kind of stuck the landing. I nice ending joke. Call it a story with a punchline.
I don't understand why people get soooooooo offended by a writer attempting a story for THEIR amusement! It's like you send me over a shot of Jaager at the bar and I say, "How rude! How dare you!"
None of these scripts is EVER going to get made. Writers should not be deceiving themselves. Comedies in sewers with whistles went out of vogue three years ago. We missed the boat.
So if the writer doesn't have a great concept, why not try to provide some entertainment for the gang?
I have no idea who wrote it. But I appreciate the gesture. And as there WAS some fun moments, it was not anymore a waste of time than any of the other shit-filled whistle-exploding It-parodying scripts.