SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 4:00am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    The 2019 Writers' Tournament  ›  shIT - WT2 Moderators: Mr. Blonde
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    shIT - WT2  (currently 1467 views)
Don
Posted: June 10th, 2019, 10:17pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
shIT by King Stephenson - The Losers Club in Derry use some unorthodox methods in their battle against Pennywise  5 pages  - Short, Comedy


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Matthew Taylor
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 4:18am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1770
Posts Per Day
0.89
Hello Writer - I'm liking the title and pseudonym - My second read and I think, second pisser.

...yes pisser

OK - the story lost me but I'm not sure it completely matters - It had too much toilet humour for my liking (Yes, I know the challenge lol).

The ending was pretty decent for a pisser - good job.

I liked the theme of them knowing they are in a script but then it didn't carry on - felt you should have ran with that more.





Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 30
DustinBowcot
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 5:25am Report to Moderator
Guest User



This falls apart on page three. Despite making a joke about the first info dump that can easily let slide due to the comedy value, this doesn't carry forward. You get to do it once in a 5-page short. After that, I tried to stay in, but the Pennywise thing was just too out of nowhere... despite that being the premise. It just doesn't work. But a valiant effort.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 30
Warren
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 5:36am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3897
Posts Per Day
1.36
Hi writer,

Great title considering the challenge. I'm a big fan of It (the novel), please don't ruin it for me...


Quoted Text
BILL
Its only a five page script.
Having to juggle even dialogue
between seven chars would make
the read unrealistic.


This has the same issue as the script I just read. This is purely for the enjoyment of SS members. Does that make it a pisser? I guess so.

I get the pisser thing but how are we meant to score something that doesn't take it's self seriously?


Quoted Text
TWENTY SEVEN YEARS LATER
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT


Should be SUPER, and only after the new slug.

Some parts of this are quite funny, but I'm not sure best how to score it.

Will have to think about it.

All the best.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 30
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 6:18am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3382
Posts Per Day
0.63
Another whistle in the anus script.

This is all very Freudian.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 30
LC
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 9:41am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7582
Posts Per Day
1.34
Okay, for a story combining shit with It, you really need to hone up on apostrophes e.g. it's = it is.

Some humour but it didn't really tickle my funnybone.
The info dump and script stuff was entertaining but then it went by the wayside. Perhaps you didn't have the time to develop that?
Whistles and spider sphincters? Not really my thing.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 30
Philostrate
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 3:42pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
341
Posts Per Day
0.15
Hi Writer,

A spoof of It, nice idea.

First read, first joke about a whistle in the anus. I hope it's not a sign of what's to come...

Some parts were funny, but the script went downhill after page two.

Good effort, thought.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 30
Dreamscale
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Title and logline pretty much give this away - that it's either going to really suck, or it's a pisser, pissing on King's IT.  Neither are going to work with me...I don't think, but you never know.  Let's see...

The SUPER is so poorly worded, missing a comma, and most likely a dash.  It's almost as if you purposely wrote it as poorly as you could.

So, here we go again...a character is talking about this being a script.  That's not a good sign of what's to come.

"Chud" - Nice try, but it's C.H.U.D. - Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers - hilariously terrible movie!

"The sight of me and It standing and gazing into each eyes won’t be riveting." - Again, if you're seriously trying to make the dialogue as cringe worthy as possible, you're succeeding by omitting words.  Just absolutely redonkulous!

Otay...the end.  There's some funny shit here for sure, but I can't really be impressed with a spoof of something unless that was the challenge, as you didn't create your own world, characters, story, nothing.

And to top it all off, the writing is terrible.

Story - nothing of your won doing

Characters - none of your own making

Dialogue - hit and miss between very funny to just absolutely terrible

Prose - poor

Criteria - I guess you get the points.

Logged
e-mail Reply: 7 - 30
PKCardinal
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 11:28pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Kansas
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.63
Not being a fan of horror, and not having seen/read IT, I'm not sure I'm best suited for scoring this script.

I'll have to decide if it's appropriate for me to or not.

I read it, and on its own, it was just okay. I'm thinking fans of IT might see more than me.

Sorry I can't give a better review. Just not much for me to offer.


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 30
PrussianMosby
Posted: June 12th, 2019, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1399
Posts Per Day
0.37
shIT

okay, the good old early self-ironic fourth wall breaking…

more than that using screenwriting terminology that the "ordinary" audience isn't interested in or(and) unable to comprehend.

what now? I need to read it, right? Ahhh…

Well, I just have read such talking-to-me intro with a following crazy plot too often before. Sorry, perhaps I'll come back and read again to maybe find some more points for you, but for now I just want to open another one.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 30
stevie
Posted: June 12th, 2019, 6:16pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Down Under
Posts
3441
Posts Per Day
0.61
The other It spoof - my fave novel actually!  I had planned a spoof myself of It as the sewer theme immediately brought it to mind   But I went with something else.

Some great lines and images here but staying with the 4Th wall type dialogue may have been a better option as other reviews suggest.  Still, good effort and I got some laughs lol



Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 30
Gary in Houston
Posted: June 12th, 2019, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Texas
Posts
1306
Posts Per Day
0.32
I'm pretty much done with whistle up the ass scripts.  There's nothing much imaginative about it.  You may a try with something different by being self-referential and breaking that fourth wall, but it doesn't make for a great story.  The writing isn't awful, but it just doesn't really take off for me.  It's too cute for its own good.  It meets all the criteria, but for me that's about it.

Best of luck with it.


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 30
JEStaats
Posted: June 12th, 2019, 9:50pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


No sh*t, there I was....

Location
Tucson, AZ
Posts
1735
Posts Per Day
0.62
Another intentional pisser? Not too sure, this could be someone's serious attempt. I hope it was intentional!

Character development is pretty much zero. If there is, I'm too distracted by previous images from the movie(s).

Dialog is weak as is the prose. Comedy was poor but meets the criteria. Story, meh.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 30
Zack
Posted: June 13th, 2019, 8:54am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4487
Posts Per Day
0.69
Sorry writer, but this one doesn't do it for me. Never been a fan of fourth wall breaking.

Feel like I was forgetting this as I was reading it. Lots of dialog, which isn't very funny IMO. And the actions lines aren't very visual at all. It just didn't grab me.

I do like the title, though. Lol
Logged
Private Message Reply: 13 - 30
leitskev
Posted: June 13th, 2019, 2:54pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3113
Posts Per Day
0.64
A writer with an actual sense of humor...writing a comedy! That alone should be worth some...good shit.

What really helps is that you kind of stuck the landing. I nice ending joke. Call it a story with a punchline.

I don't understand why people get soooooooo offended by a writer attempting a story for THEIR amusement! It's like you send me over a shot of Jaager at the bar and I say, "How rude! How dare you!"

None of these scripts is EVER going to get made. Writers should not be deceiving themselves. Comedies in sewers with whistles went out of vogue three years ago. We missed the boat.

So if the writer doesn't have a great concept, why not try to provide some entertainment for the gang?

I have no idea who wrote it. But I appreciate the gesture. And as there WAS some fun moments, it was not anymore a waste of time than any of the other shit-filled whistle-exploding It-parodying scripts.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 30
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    The 2019 Writers' Tournament   [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006