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Well done on the parody as you did the characters very well. I liked thd beginning here though much better than the rest. I kind of had hard time following after Fu Manchu for whatever reason. Having many whistles.. not sure about that. maybe its too over the top for me. I like parodies though. I think it could be more about Holmes and Watson and more talky more about them solving a case. But I understand you had the parameters to follow and thus this goofy storyline.
Another script full of borrowed characters. At least this time I'm familiar with them.
This comes across like a pisser, it plays fast and loose with the characters, it's not my kind of humor, but it has an actual story arc in it, which is a bit of an accomplishment in a dialogue-heavy five-pager. There's some back and forth as the protag and antag counter each other's moves.
It also has the most insidious use of a space character I've ever seen in a script.
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DOCTOR WATSON
What the Fu --
^
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+--- Right there.
It wouldn't sound nearly as funny as it reads, but I appreciated it.
From start to end it had me wanting more. I’ve never seen a Sherlock movie to TV show. I’ve seen bits of the famous elementary my dear Watson. Some how I felt like I knew the characters.
The dialogue impressed me. I’m sure, it’s not an easy task creating speech from that time period and make it flow like you did.
The characters complimented each other very well. Even tho it’s obvious who’s in charge.
Dueling whistles was funny to try and take control of the rats.
If you are looking for some feedback on how to make your writing better, you’ll have to ask someone else with more knowledge. Your writing skill is above my pay grade . I can only tell you if I liked it or not. I liked it a bunch!
Not much to say: nice little story, not much of a stretch for the characters, but a decent job with the dialog (I liked the Fu...Fu Manchu bit). Not much of an ending, nor very funny. Good job, writer.
I liked that you managed to come up with a complete story arch in so few pages. Well done.
The dialogue was good and the writing solid, no complaints there.
The whistle battle with Fu Manchu was an original take on the parameters. Kudos for that.
I didn't laugh, but the humor was here, and I wasn't as disappointed with your take on the characters as others. I think that you did a good job for a 72 hours effort. I'm no expert on them, though.
I’m impressed by your ability to capture Holmes and Watson, in action as well as dialogue. Very well done, and public domain so no qualms at all about their use here.
I’ll echo others and say the script started of really strong and fell off, right around “Alimentary.” I get it, you were trying to be funny, but you were doing fine with funny before they resorted to low brow humour. Low brow is the last thing you should have used here.
It does get better again when Holmes saves himself with his cane. Dueling whistles was unexpected, and it fits with the Holmes character. Using the resonance to dislodge the shit-plug was also clever (and relevant...I saw the videos of what London was going through recently).
Fu Man Chu was flat to me. I hoped for more from him, but he was just a moustache-twirling villain. The pied piper bit also didn’t really work for me, and that’s the biggest problem. Everything else is grounded like a Holmes mystery adventure but that is pure fantasy.
So, high marks for character and dialogue. Story and prose suffered a bit. You definitely met the criteria though. And I enjoyed it, so well done.
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The Foul Case of the Feculent Fiend - WT2
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