Another pisser, okay, not my thing really.

But like the other pisser this has its moments and a couple of sections made me chuckle.

Like the title and logline.

Title page spacing off... another one written on something besides standard. Sorry... nit picking.

LMAO my favorite dialogue in the whole script:
ARTIE
And if you see someone called Jeff
Bush, hand him this. This’ll
distract him for hours. He loves
ripping poorly crafted
stories. There’s at least a
thousand orphans.

Ok sorry to say but I didn't find this one funny at all.

I'm confused at the story as well. Maybe because I do not know what the Scottsman thing is perhaps?

Good job on finishing one!

Code ...wears clothes you’d find in a second hand shop.

I do go into charity shops on occasion and I tend to avoid the clothes, but from what I have seen they look just like ordinary clothes you can buy anywhere - only people have probably died in them.

Code On the large screen a steam train.

What large screen? On the e-tablet?

I'm only half a page in and this is bad. I can actually sense the struggle it took for you to write this. There's no flow. It's poor.

Hi Writer,

Notes as I read...

Quoted Text On the large screen a steam train.

What large screen?

Quoted Text Artie shuffles to the center of the room to face the large screen.

Okay, this large screen... You should rewrite this, introduce the screen here, and then tell us there's a steam train on it.

Quoted Text ARTIE And if you see someone called Jeff Bush, hand him this. This’ll distract him for hours. He loves ripping poorly crafted stories. There’s at least a thousand orphans.

Lol. Okay, it's pisser territory...

Quoted Text NOTE TEXT: Lots and lots of mistakes everywhere. I have a feeling English is not your main language, and if that’s the case, I apologize for being harsh.

A review where Jeff apologizes... That's new...

Quoted Text He tries to cleanse the whistle by shaking off Snow White’s diarrhea.

Another great image, thank you writer...

Okay, finished. This was okay. Obviously a pisser.

Not much of the humor landed, but there were a few funny lines and I liked the inside jokes.

An amusing read.

David