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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    The 2019 Writers' Tournament  ›  3 Hail Marys - WT3 Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    3 Hail Marys - WT3  (currently 1822 views)
JEStaats
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 12:21pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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well...that was unexpected. Bravo, writer. Nicely done.

Great characters, dialog, set up, and prose. Horror [the black creature(s)] was sidelined to the horrific situation of sinking to your death or ejecting to the creature(s) demise. Well done.
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leitskev
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 7:05pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Outstanding work overall. I thought maybe it was Stevie's because of the setting, but from his review I guess not.

Best use of the hand sanitizer.

Was initially unsure if Petey made it to the surface, but I guess only his bottle did.

Good job with attempting to give the characters some depth. Not a homerun in that department, but a very solid attempt.

I think the other warcraft script had a crewman who used sanitizer and prayers. Weird how writers think alike.

Some issues to quibble with, but I'm not an editor. Overall, the writing flowed.

I don't mind the bugs attacking. The problem is it happens so fast. Assume there are some kind of artificial bugs able to chew steel. Plausible for sci fi. But it would take time to chew. I realize the 5 page limitation didn't allow that, but even if you had unlimited pages, would it work that way? The attack is so sudden and they are able to eat through the ships so quick that the pilots don't have time to communicate with the tower. It just doesn't make sense.

But good scores for the characterization attempts, general prose, the use of the sanitizer, and for making us care about the character, very hard to do in 5.
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eldave1
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
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Nice job here. Good story well told and the hand sanitizer bottle use was clever.

The horror angle seemed to be crammed in rather than the essence of the story - but surely enough to let it slide by.

Nice work. A contender for sure


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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