It's over-written, but the writing is good. It's more like a novel in places, very prose-heavy. The entire first half-page, for example, could easily have been just three lines. I do like your voice, it's just too wordy for a screenplay.

The exposition kills the tension. Things are explained before they even happen, robbing any sense of suspense. We know to expect mutants before we even see them, so there's no reveal other than that they're monkeys.

Monkeys are indeed a great choice. The closest to humans, scary strong, intelligent, pack hunters...and now mutated. Terrifying.

Again, the exposition gets in the way at the climax. Alicia tells us her plan even before the alpha makes an appearance. How did she know the alpha would even be there? Or would show up before that molotov cocktail of sanitizer (loved that, by the way) would burst all over her own hand? Suspiciously convenient timing.

There is very little character in Dez and poor Corby, who only seems to be there for an on-screen death. Alicia is better. The dialogue, exposition-heavy as it is, works pretty well too.

The story is solid, a nice tale of survival in a no-win scenario. Good job overall.

Title not courier 12! Haha... I really don't care but other do.

If DRC is important, it should be in SUPER. I know someone else probably said it but, hey, you never know. My turn, dammit.

"Body parts in various stages of decapitation" - I thought only a head could be decapitated and it was either severed or attached. No stages to it.

ahhh...mutants! Here we go! Monkeys with fangs? That's it? I'd prefer a little white bunny with big pointy teeth.

A valuable life lesson from the rehab center!

Criteria, check. Characters and dialog were okay. Story, well, I got to admit that I loved when Dez just unbuckled his seatbelt and stood up like the crash was no big deal.

Good work, writer.

Hi Writer,

Solid writing. I liked the atmosphere and the mystery you created before revealing the mutated howler monkeys - by the way they are a cool creature - so well done.

The dialogue is a little on-the-nose and there are some chunks of exposition dialogue that are not needed imo, for example, when Alicia explains that the hand sanitizer is very flammable. You can get rid of that without affecting the story.

The criteria was met, so kudos for that.

Overall, a very good effort.

David

Out of The Mist

Title not in courier 12
no need to underline, (Cont'd) does nothing other than distract

p2 dialogue doesn't work

p4 dialogue reads unnatural in such an extreme situation

p5 well, the dialogue is…
you rather should have written a script than using the dialogue to scream: I met the criteria because there's alcohol in sanitizers and everything is so plausible...

The mutant monkeys should have won. Period. Anyway, why all these happy endings?

Positive: Mutant monkeys!

See you.

- a lot of conversation while they are on the wreckage. They would be in an urgent rush to get out.

- just as bad the dialog as they are still in the wreckage feels like pure exposition being fed the reader

- practice, practice, practice