Plenty of tension in this well written story. The action in the plane was very good. And the technical jargon was convincing. The fear level would’ve been ratcheted up had the fire not burned itself out so fast. After all, what could be more horrifying than a burning plane carrying a zombie?

Could be better.  It's a nice idea to create a monster out of Jimmy using an Ebola inspired virus.  That said, it wasn't a smooth read for me.  The ending was odd too for me.  Is this tent inside the plane?  I imagined the Jet was parked and the tent was nearby.

I would imagine a CDC plane wouldn't use such flimsy things as a tent to segregate etc...   But rather purpose built rooms on the plane.

I think you should name the Nigerian jungle as oppose to this generic wording.

Top of page two we're inside the Jet.  Bottom of page three, Richard and Rumun dart into a tent.  Top of page four, we're in the tent?  As Richard and Rumun now have to restrain Jimmy.  If characters leave and comeback to the Jet.  Let us know.  If we're in a tent.  Would be good to know.

Interesting this round is repeating igniting HS to kill off the foe.

Meat mallets. Love it!

Nice touch with the teeth clatter on the floor and the toothless grin. Great visual.

Cocked and ready to fire? I'm pretty sure I know what you mean, but written poorly. You just made up for that with the bullfrog legs - nice.

Oh, writer... if you hadn't included those two lines from Helen (you know which two), it would have been a great read. I found them to derail what should've been good reading.

Nice touch too with the oxygen-enriched tent. That makes most items dangerously flammable and combustible. I'll take the Jimmy burrito to-go!

Good work!

Quoted from jayrex Is this tent inside the plane?  I imagined the Jet was parked and the tent was nearby. I would imagine a CDC plane wouldn't use such flimsy things as a tent to segregate etc...   But rather purpose built rooms on the plane. Top of page two we're inside the Jet.  Bottom of page three, Richard and Rumun dart into a tent.  Top of page four, we're in the tent?  As Richard and Rumun now have to restrain Jimmy.  If characters leave and comeback to the Jet.  Let us know.  If we're in a tent.  Would be good to know.

I had to confirm and googled the aeromedical biological containment thingy and it checks out. Makes total sense to see the picture of it. Thought it was fairly clear that it was in the plane, too.

Unusual formatting for title page. I'm starting to think it's contagious.

There are a lot of passive voice sentences in the action lines. Active voice is easier to read, often takes less space, and makes things seem faster. Active: "Alice calls Bob", Passive: "Bob is called by Alice".

The characters have only their jobs and ages for description.

I was surprised to find out that there are in fact twin-engine jets that could fly nonstop from Nigeria to Atlanta. Not sure the CDC has any, but it could happen.

The Captain's dialogue is (V.O.) not (INTERCOM), though you could add (over intercom) as a wrylie.
Rumun seems to speak English just fine, no need to have him "pardon my English", especially followed by uncommon words used properly.

Very visual with the changes to Jimmy, though hands that are "ready to fire" or look like carnival mallets seems... far-fetched.
Inventive use for the hand sanitizer.

The captain's line at the end didn't quite work for me. Good idea to end with him, just try a couple more ideas for ironic things he might say here.

Having finished, the title doesn't match the story. Yes, Jimmy died basically because he messed up his cleanliness routine, but no one here is "filthy."

The horror and action are quite good here. I thought the hand sanitizer was going to barely feature but you brought it back in a big, bad way. Well done.

I found the dialogue started much stronger than it ended. It resorted to cliché action lines. So did some of the descriptions. I still enjoyed it, but there's a noticeable difference. They all keep using each others names, try to cut down on that. It's too much.

I also would have liked an explosion rather than a flame-out. Nice visual with the containment flaps cocooning Jimmy though.

I have no idea what the title or logline have to do with this, but I really liked the actual content. Well done.