Quoted from Spqr Good story, but it’s more of a slasher than a horror script.

What? Slasher is horror. So if there were ghosts in it would you say it's more of a paranormal story than a horror? Zombies? No horror... it's more of a zombie flick.

Bullshit.

Echoing the others by saying the opening is really rough, but it does pick up once Pars leaves the cockpit.

You gave away the best reveal right off the bat! Why tell us there are twenty Filipinos aboard? As soon as you start talking about orders for anything but organs (heads, shoulders) their fate becomes obvious.

What I didn't expect was the plane to be an abattoir. So damn cool. I want to see that on screen. There's a movie with something similar on a train? I have to find it.

What is the stewardess's job? She seems to be there just to die, which is a shame. I like the butcher's line, and the cattle gun, but there should have been something surprising about the death.

The ending could have been executed better. It is an ending, it's just flat compared to the previous scene.

The hand sanitizer isn't a factor at all. It easily could have been.

Well done with the rest, it's definitely memorable.

"...colonial clothing, white pocket square..." what does that mean? A pilgrim or puritan?

Good visuals. I can see the pilot going in the rear cabin to see bodies swinging from hooks. It's be difficult to 'keep' the meat without extensive refrigeration. Why not butcher the peeps on the ground and just package them for the flight? Pretty ridiculous, the more I think about it. But it's Hollywood, right. Bring on the crazy.

The hand sanitizer was just kind of there. It didn't really contribute to anything in the story. But it was there.

Another story where I just didn't care about any of the characters. Maybe Jenny, but she could've been a real bitch too. So, no, I didn't care about her either.

Concept has some potential. Execution of it needs a ton of work. Not a bad start.

This story is plenty disturbing, but Sean seemed to want the hand sanitizer to be more than just sitting there. After all the back and forth about the importance of props, I'm letting it slide.

The Boss is not intro'd until page 4, and then his lines are labeled MALONE instead of THE BOSS. He's the same character and not undercover or anything, so he should keep the same label. He needs some mini-intro on page 1, then can be fleshed out as it were when we finally see him.

The dialogue reads very awkwardly, a combination of on-the-nose and odd word choices. Nothing that can't be fixed with a couple rounds of editing.

Jenny needs to do something before she can be a sympathetic victim. For all we know, she's as bad as Pars and Butch and had it coming.

For a package that rare and expensive, Mr. Malone should be delivering it to the chef.

Unfortunately the logline gives away the twist. You might want to lead the audience to believe this is an organ harvesting operation, then lay on them that these lives were lost for something far more trivial.

Well this one is dark as Hell. I like it.

Not sure about how you handled the Boss character. Why does he have 2 separate names? Stick to one.

Writing itself is pretty good. Some awkward phrasing and a couple of issues here and there, but for a 72 hour effort, not bad at all. Characters are decent, dialog is good.

Perhaps you should have given Jenny something more to do than just sleep and die. If you can make us like her, maybe ever care about her, then her death will be much more of a gut punch.

I like the end stinger. Made me smile. Lol

Story-wise, this is one of my favorites thus far. Good work.