"I'm hit. Aagh, fuck, I'm hit." Says nobody. Ever.

Yeah, not for me. I'm not prejudice but I ended up hating everyone. Including the viewers. Writing street is one thing, but cramming every street lingo you can find is another.

In the money box is the prize. Didn't matter what it was.

The church's churchiness and the card's cardiness don't play any role here... this could just as easily taken place in a parking garage with concrete pillars with cash or drugs for stakes. The location could arguably be an important element of the story, but the card definitely was not. The duelists didn't even know it was there.
The teens sound like Brits trying to sound like Philadelphia rappers.
The competition seems grossly unfair to whoever steps up first, and only remotely plausible if the two groups are allied in some way... maybe even part of the same gang just picking teams for shits & giggles. There's no way that gangs with a beef with one another would settle things with a duel of volunteer fighters.
The title and logline don't quite fit the story here. Nedim isn't trying to be famous, he's just trying to win the acceptance of his peer group in a catastrophically high-risk/low-reward fashion one might expect from a teen. Jaden is the one obsessed with popularity.
Nice touch that the duelists here are unfamiliar with their weapons. I only wish that was realistic for teen gangsters.
There was no reason to misspell "blood" as "blud" on page 3. We can hear mispronunciation, but we can't hear illiterate spelling.
There was enough story here to fill five pages, though it may function better as part of a larger piece that can dig into the complexities of social media's effect on youths. If they're disjointed vignettes, each one can end with recommended videos of even more extreme content (this has actually been documented on YouTube).

Albeit outdated, blud is acceptable, Frank. Major cities and it's more likely they'll use 'fam' these days. Way more popular amongst the white thugs and affiliates is 'bruv' or 'bro'. I think this started in London and then moved up. Not sure if it's in Manchester. Scousers call each other 'kidder'... or back in the day, they'd say 'lah' short for lad.

Geezer/Geeze has made a bit of a comeback recently, I've noted. I know in the US it means an old guy, here it is an almost respectful term for somebody that is streetwise.

In Bristol they call each other 'kiddies'. 'I know this kiddy from St Paul's.' They sound like country farmers when they speak too. I can't say much as coming from Birmingham, my accent makes me sound stupid, I'm pretty sure.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Albeit outdated, blud is acceptable, Frank. Major cities and it's more likely they'll use 'fam' these days. Way more popular amongst the white thugs and affiliates is 'bruv' or 'bro'. I think this started in London and then moved up. Not sure if it's in Manchester. Scousers call each other 'kidder'... or back in the day, they'd say 'lah' short for lad.

Withdrawn

Just means the language is deteriorating faster than I thought