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About page three it dawned on me where and how we were going to get trading cards into this script... worked for me as an inventive solution to difficult criteria - well done.
Enjoyed the action part of the script, the Vatican is a good setting, lots of variety there... and I liked the idea of a sort of Saintly SAS attack for, sure some of the dialogue didn't work all the time but for me it worked enough within the narrative drive.
I enjoyed this story up until the last scene. It didn’t work for me. I can see where you’re coming from and it seems fine but doesn’t land for me. I also thought for a moment if you used real cards. Curious to know. It meets the criteria. Overall it was decent with a lot of action. The action was the best part.
Count me the exception... I liked the ending. I won't repeat what others have said regarding exposition/dialogue. Just add one more to the list of people who think a bit of rewriting is in order.
Overall, well done. Liked the premise and most of the execution.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Okay, this has to be silliest way to meet the criteria. But meet the criteria it did. Having to intro so many characters all at once really loads down Michael's dialogue with names. Also, archangels are not saints, and to my knowledge they aren't ascribed familial relations among one another. Beelzebub and Michael do, however, hold similar rank on their respective sides. To me, at least, all of the heroes sound alike. Revealing that this was all a game is fine, but wordy on-the-nose banter at the end didn't work for me at all. Overall, a nice take on the challenge.