Andy,
I just finished reading your script. Baltis hit the nail right on the head when he said WOW and an amazing read, and you were able to get it into the hands of one of the actors. He'd be a fool not to get it to a production company and see if he could act in it. I'm not blowing smoke here. I really liked it. Very professional. It's something that you can be proud of.
Have you attempted to get an agent yet? You may want to try Circle of Confusion in New York. They are always looking. They didn't like my horror idea, but maybe they will like your Goonie script.
Cindy

Hey Cindy,

Thank you sooooo much for reading it, means a lot to me that you did actually. Bonus for me that you thought it was professional too, a great compliment for my first script  

I'll let you know if the actor says anything, but to be honest, Warner Bros don't want to fund the project, they're too busy with the Harry Potter type franchises and don't believe in the movie's audience enough, even though Richard Donner and Spielberg do. WB own the rights and have the final say in the end.

Ho hum, I loved writing it though, so was a great venture for me personally anyway.

I didn't see the point getting an agent when I knew that WB will only hire internal writers. Strange. Thanks for the tip though

Take care xxx

Andy,
But if you were to get an agent, he or she could show it to Warner Bros. They would probably have some writers do a rewrite, but you would still get writing credit, along with them.
Something to ponder. It could work, ya know.  

Hey Cindy,

Thanks again for taking so much interest and supporting me with this script. I did give Jeff Cohen/CHUNK a copy and figured that since he is an entertainment lawyer, if he thought it was good, he could probably pass it onto the appropriate people.

I dunno, I also thought that by having it online for over a year now would seal it's fate anyway so I didn't bother pitching it because the studio is so against making it.

I'll think about what you said though, but I don't know if there's really a realistic point of trying to find an agent who will consider an unoriginal piece.

Andy  

Andy, I finally saw 'The Goonies' on cable today so I now feel I can say something about your sequel.  I've read the first thirty pages, or so, of the script and want to point out a few things.

How much time has passed since 'The Goonies?'  Maybe you said it and I missed it, I don't know.  I'm guessing that twenty years have passed, which would put the gang in their early/mid-thirties.  If you haven't mentioned this, you should.

Even though it's a sequel, you do have to reintroduce the characters.  You have to write as if this is the first story.   If this script was produced and in the theaters this Christmas, you would be dealing with an entirely new audience.  Not everyone will have seen the first movie.  Those who did may not recognize the characters.  Is chunk still fat?  Is Mouth still that cute and impish Corey whatshisface?

How much time has elapsed between Data proposing to Emma and the bachelor party?  I got the impression that they were only a day or two apart.  Bachelor parties are usually right before the wedding.  And why would the newspaper report on a bachelor party?  Wedding announcements, yes.  Bachelor parties, no.

Having read the bachelor party scene, I'm under the impression that you have never been to many bachelor parties.  That's okay because only naughty girls go to bachelor parties and you're a good girl.

A big problem that I had with your script was that it took thirty pages for the ship to hit the sand.  This is just too long.  You spend too much with the characters bickering when they could be doing this after Data's abduction.  The story shouldn't begin so late.


Phil

Hey Phil,

Thanks so much for reading this - I do hope you enjoyed watching the movie... did you like it?

On with the on - You're exactly right about me needing to re-introduce the characters, to be honest, it completely slipped my mind with the original characters. I need to go back and do that. Thanks for reminding me.

About the time frame - the proposal happens in Spring, and I make mention of it by Emma saying she loves the Spring to give you an idea of which time of the year the script begins in.

Then, you'll see in the scene with Mikey when he loses his keys right? Well he writes a joke about Data on a calendar by the keys when he finds them again and the month is now October.

As for the twenty years thing, I thought I did mention it in dialogue but you could be right in that I missed that out - again, will make that clearer.

The newspaper reported the bachelor party, because Chunk is the reporter and it was a nod to his friend Data - like you have birth and deaths announcements, I thought he might do something like that for him? Maybe a celebration announcment sort of thing.

LMAO! Yes, I'm a good girl, lol! I really only had strippers in mind but couldn't think of what else would take place in a bachelor party - so I went with a mini reunion type of thing too.

I hear you on the first 30 pages dragging, I found it difficult to re-introduce them without some of the banter and catch-up talk as I figured they would all be reminiscing about their childhood when all reunited together again. But again, you're right, the pacing is too slow. I believe it picks up better after that.

Thanks for reading, Phil, means a lot  

While I understood that Chunk wrote the piece, bachelor parties are not advertised.  It's still the secret boys' club.  Many people would get upset knowing there is one.

I did catch the spring/October time lapse.  I'm more concerned, however, with how many years passed.

The bantering and catching up is important.  It can still occur after the gang learns of the kidnapping.  It's not as if they suddenly take on the persona of Marine commandos when they need to.

One thing I forgot to mention earlier.  When the self-opening cans are knocked over in the store, they're supposed to open and the food is supposed to shoot out.  That's comic formula.  And unless this happens, how do we know they're self opening cans?

The movie was good for what it was, a summer time adventure flick.  It had more than its share of thrills and chills.  IT was one of the few movies starring kids where they weren't bigger than life.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe While I understood that Chunk wrote the piece, bachelor parties are not advertised.  It's still the secret boys' club.  Many people would get upset knowing there is one.

This I did not know - I thought the more who knew the merrier! hmmm, I'd need to revise how the Fratelli's would find out though. Right, will try to think around that.

Quoted Text The bantering and catching up is important.  It can still occur after the gang learns of the kidnapping.  It's not as if they suddenly take on the persona of Marine commandos when they need to.

LOL - I hear what you're saying, I just thought they'd be in too much of a sombre mood to be too nostalgic. But I see what you mean, no wannabe Steven Segals here.

Quoted Text One thing I forgot to mention earlier.  When the self-opening cans are knocked over in the store, they're supposed to open and the food is supposed to shoot out.  That's comic formula.  And unless this happens, how do we know they're self opening cans?

A very good point, dammit I missed that completely. I think I could add a short scene of Erik demonstrating it to a customer and maybe the food going over the them in the process. Something like that perhaps. Otherwise, I'll take out the self-opening description if I can't make the scene comical enough.

Quoted Text IT was one of the few movies starring kids where they weren't bigger than life.

And a great film it was for learning about characterisations too. The spider part sucked.

Thanks for your input, I hope you like the rest of it if you have the time to read it.

Andy  

Quoted from Andy Petrou This I did not know - I thought the more who knew the merrier! hmmm, I'd need to revise how the Fratelli's would find out though. Right, will try to think around that.

The more the merrier at a bachelor party is dangerous.  After a certain point, you might as well give out dynamite and matches to the attendees.  And not all bachelor parties have strippers.  Only the good ones.

The Fratelli's could read the wedding announcement in the paper and do a little research on their own.

Quoted from Andy Petrou LOL - I hear what you're saying, I just thought they'd be in too much of a sombre mood to be too nostalgic. But I see what you mean, no wannabe Steven Segals here.

They wouldn't be somber; they'd be stressed over the situation, which is great fodder for bickering.

Quoted from Andy Petrou A very good point, dammit I missed that completely. I think I could add a short scene of Erik demonstrating it to a customer and maybe the food going over the them in the process. Something like that perhaps. Otherwise, I'll take out the self-opening description if I can't make the scene comical enough.

I'm wondering why Data would have self-opening cans in his shop.  It's not as if people can their own food.  Perhaps he could be showing his cans to a food manufacturer.  Campbells, maybe.

I'll keep reading and I'll let you know what I think.


Phil

Quoted Text And not all bachelor parties have strippers.  Only the good ones.

- I figured this would be the case, LOL! Well, never been to a bachelorette party either, so I went on what I thought would take place too... hope that wasn't too far off the mark.

Quoted Text The Fratelli's could read the wedding announcement in the paper and do a little research on their own.

- Great idea. I just felt the need to make it obvious by showing them reading about it by accident. A wedding announcement seems good too - I just thought I was giving them more time to plot something with the bachelor announcement first. In the UK, we don't always have it the night before the wedding, sometimes it's up to a week earlier!

Quoted Text Perhaps he could be showing his cans to a food anufacturer.  Campbells, maybe

- The idea of the self-opening cans was to demonstrate Data's ability as an inventor, but I guess I didn't make that clear enough. Fantastic idea about Campbells and demonstrating the product to them.

Thank you  

Quoted from Andy Petrou - I figured this would be the case, LOL! Well, never been to a bachelorette party either, so I went on what I thought would take place too... hope that wasn't too far off the mark.

That's because you're a good girl.

Usually, at a bachelor party, the stripper strips in front of everyone and then (if negotiated) she take the groom-to-be aside for a little nudge nudge wink wink.  I won't go into further detail.

Quoted from Andy Petrou - Great idea. I just felt the need to make it obvious by showing them reading about it by accident. A wedding announcement seems good too - I just thought I was giving them more time to plot something with the bachelor announcement first. In the UK, we don't always have it the night before the wedding, sometimes it's up to a week earlier!

That would only mean that their kidnap plans would be filled with flaws, thus creating more comical situations.

Quoted from Andy Petrou - The idea of the self-opening cans was to demonstrate Data's ability as an inventor, but I guess I didn't make that clear enough. Fantastic idea about Campbells and demonstrating the product to them.

You made the can idea clear enough.  It's just not something that the average joe would be interested in.  That's more of a food industry invention.

If you want something more for the average joe, have Data invent a bug trap that emits sonic waves that attracts and draws in insects and other low intelligent animals.  As he's explaining it to a customer, his assistant could be drawn to it, unable to not touch it.

Quoted from Andy Petrou Thank you

Just remember to stay a good girl.


Phil (naughty boy)

Quoted from dogglebe If you want something more for the average joe, have Data invent a bug trap that emits sonic waves that attracts and draws in insects and other low intelligent animals.  As he's explaining it to a customer, his assistant could be drawn to it, unable to not touch it.

- That sounds interesting. Again, was trying to think up something scientific at the time but everything I thought up sounded lame! Your idea sounds better, more masculine.

Quoted from dogglebe Just remember to stay a good girl.

- No!!! I want to be bad now dammit!!LMAO!

Quoted from dogglebe Phil (naughty boy)

- Very naughty boy indeed   Thanks for all your feedback, much appreciated.

Andy,  I'm going to finish writing a short before I finish reading GNSD.  My three scripts have slipped down the boards in recent weeks.  I don't think that anyone sle is going to read them so I feel I have to put something new up (it's overdue, anyway).  I should get back to your stuff within a week.


Phil

No problem, Phil - best of luck with the short.

Andy,

     Hey I just read this and WOW...I liked this a lot. You captured the adventure and unique-ness of the characters so well it was amazing. I found it really interesting to see how these characters ended up in their later lives, loved your ideas. Really good dialogue and excellent screenplay structure, along with creative moments makes this so much better than it had to be. I can't imagine reading this if it was done by anyone else, good job!!!

-ONEY