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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Boiled Beef and Carrots Moderators: bert
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  Author    Boiled Beef and Carrots  (currently 2106 views)
Don
Posted: April 8th, 2007, 7:20am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Boiled Beef and Carrots by Ron Foth Jr. - Action - Two neighbors.  One's a liberal.  One's a conservative.  Both can agree, they  want to kill each other. 21 pages - pdf, format


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AdRock
Posted: April 10th, 2007, 12:02pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Ron,

I enjoyed this. I think it has its problems, as all scripts do, but it was very whimsical and funny.

THE GOOD: Like the scene where they argue with their wives, but make one complete sentence. Like the "mom jeans" reference (can never go wrong with one of those). Like one drinking a red can of coke and the other drinking a blue can of pepsi. Very clever.

Overall, I think you can tighten up your action descriptions. Shoot for no more than four lines and say it in as few words as humanly possible.

There are a lot of misspellings and improper usages and missing "s" on plural words, etc. Take another look and be diligent.

Also, I think it might help if you told us about the Neighborhood Robber a little earlier in the story. That way he doesn't just come out of nowhere. Perhaps in the beginning, when the paperboy is throwing the papers, you can focus on one with the sketch on the front page.

On page 12, when you move from the neighbors to the Robber in the bedroom, I'd use something other than "Cut To." It comes out of nowhere and can be confusing. I'd double space, type "IN THE BEDROOM," double space again and continue with the Robber's actions.

Overall, though, pretty good. I laughed out loud a couple times. Dialogue was great.
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MatthewS
Posted: June 10th, 2009, 12:18am Report to Moderator
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this was great... i was reading with anticipation to see what the middle eastern neighbor's part was.
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steven8
Posted: June 10th, 2009, 1:26am Report to Moderator
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Loved the title.  Loved the script.  A hilarious take on the sad political divide in the US, and how ignorant it can become.  I found it perfect that the middle eastern neighbor came to their rescue, and I reveled in his anguish at losing his Ronald Reagen vase.  Well told, well told.


...in no particular order
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