The Legend of Zelda: The Hero of Time by Adam Johnson - Adventure -  Link, a young Kokiri boy in the magical land of Hyrule, must unite the races of his world and do what no other Kokiri has done - become a man to defeat true evil. 64 pages - html, format

Hey, its me, just a little treatment/script I worte for fun. If you critique it, dont waste your time with the format, it's all over the place.

"Whered the rest of the thread go? "-Adam

Because it was just you telling people that "you weren't shooting your own script down"(or something like that).  It was just meaningless bumping of this script.

Anyways, I finished the script!

*Spoilers*

Well this ended on a gruesome note! Being a big fan of the games, I didn't see the beheading coming at all. Nintendo would definetly say no to that.

*End Spoilers*

I normally don't read features,(mainly because i suck at reviews), but I had to read this. You really captured the feeling of the games. I aplaud you there. However, I can see why there hasn't been a Zelda movie. It'd be to slow. Even at 64 pages, this script drags bigtime. I don't think it's your fault, it's just the Zelda universe. Overall, nice try. If you do a rewrite let me know and I'll definetly give it a look.

6 out of 10

I'm reading this right now and so far, I've found that it's poorly written and is basically a complete rip-off of Lord of the Rings. I mean, you practically stole certain pieces of lines from the prologue of the Fellowship of the Ring and stuck it into the prologue of this. Have you no shame?

Right now, it's hard for me to divide whether or not to continue on, or just stick Fellowship of the Ring in the DVD player and watch the same thing.

-Rubix

Quoted from Elmer I'm reading this right now and so far, I've found that it's poorly written and is basically a complete rip-off of Lord of the Rings. I mean, you practically stole certain pieces of lines from the prologue of the Fellowship of the Ring and stuck it into the prologue of this. Have you no shame? Right now, it's hard for me to divide whether or not to continue on, or just stick Fellowship of the Ring in the DVD player and watch the same thing. -Rubix

Yo answer your question, no.

My original premise was "LOTR meets Legend" so I executed it pretty well, and since I wasnt worried about showing it to anyone, I also didnt worry about people accusing me of copyright infringement.

Cough... Cough.

If you weren't worried about showing it to anyone, take it off a website where people spend time reading screenplays.

You act like no one is supposed to say anything negative about it since you didn't even want to put effort into it, but you can't wait to see what we think?

You want us to waste our time on this script (and that's exactly what it was...a waste of time) so that you can tell us that it doesn't matter what we say because you weren't worried about people reading it anyway.

It was a lousy screenplay. That's what I think. And you are an inconsiderate person for asking people to waste their time with it.

-Rubix

PS: I for one will not read another screenplay by you. I hope everyone else will do the same. And whether or not this bothers you doesn't concern me, so don't bother responding with "I don't care".

Quoted from Elmer If you weren't worried about showing it to anyone, take it off a website where people spend time reading screenplays. You act like no one is supposed to say anything negative about it since you didn't even want to put effort into it, but you can't wait to see what we think? You want us to waste our time on this script (and that's exactly what it was...a waste of time) so that you can tell us that it doesn't matter what we say because you weren't worried about people reading it anyway. It was a lousy screenplay. That's what I think. And you are an inconsiderate person for asking people to waste their time with it. -Rubix PS: I for one will not read another screenplay by you. I hope everyone else will do the same. And whether or not this bothers you doesn't concern me, so don't bother responding with "I don't care".

NO sense of humor for some.

Look, I worte this thing for ME, just a source of enjoyment, just to see if I could get a good story out of the games.

The problem is, I didnt want to waste my own time by making this script the level of quality as my others, because my time is very valuable, and to spend 2 years on a fan fic wouldnt be a very good use of that time.

Still, the crafting of this story quickly became my obsession. And soon, it was all about getting it to paper, sometimes as a writer, I just have to have things down to fully see what I'm doing.

This is how I write.  A series of outlines focusing on THE BIG PICTURE, until after several drafts, I begin to focus on minutia, an d know Im almost done.

This 'treatment' doesnt focus on minutia, and neither should you. Think of it as a first or second draft, a work in progress, that only reflects the BIG Story priniciples.

For instance, if you had said, like others, "you cant put the Temple of Time inside the Fire Temple you moron!" that would be productive. But if you were to say, "You didnt accurately describe the Master Sword!" that would not be useful, since it involves minutia.

Yet, somehow you've been even LESS productive by saying it's 'lousy' and leaving it at that.

I wasn't able to upload this to Triggerstreet or Zoetrope because of its length. But when I did there were many people, just like on here, who wanted to read it. So by uploading it here I've give them a way to do so.

I don't understand how I've offended you, but I really dont care. If you dont like it, it's fine. It certainly wouldnt be the first time. But I canalmost guarantee you wouldnt be so outspoken if I hadnt started off this thread saying the things I did. But, somehow it's offened you - if you didnt want to read it, why did you.

Either way, your critque was non-productive - on story elements OR minutia.

Adam

Quoted Text Yet, somehow you've been even LESS productive by saying it's 'lousy' and leaving it at that.

That wasn't my review. Had you not responded the way you did to my first post (which wasn't a review at all, only what I had thought so far) I would have been more than happy to have posted a productive review. But I didn't think you deserved one.

Quoted Text But I canalmost guarantee you wouldnt be so outspoken if I hadnt started off this thread saying the things I did. But, somehow it's offened you - if you didnt want to read it, why did you.

That combined with what you said afterwards pretty much tells me that you know it's badly formatted and poorly written, but you still want us to read and review it anyway even if our reviews mean nothing because, well...you already know everything we're going to say...and besides, it was written for you. It shows your lack of concern for other people and your immaturity as a writer, as well as your self-centered attitude.

Quoted Text This 'treatment' doesnt focus on minutia, and neither should you. Think of it as a first or second draft, a work in progress, that only reflects the BIG Story priniciples.

If it's still a work in progress then it shouldn't be on this site.

Quoted Text Still, the crafting of this story quickly became my obsession. And soon, it was all about getting it to paper, sometimes as a writer, I just have to have things down to fully see what I'm doing. This is how I write.  A series of outlines focusing on THE BIG PICTURE, until after several drafts, I begin to focus on minutia, an d know Im almost done.

That's pretty much how every writer writes. Treatments are the starting point for most scripts. And then, several drafts later, writers finally get where they want to be. You didn't do the several drafts later part. You post what you have and tell us it's bad but you still want us to read it anyway. Why should I do that when there are hundreds of other "completed" scripts?

But here is what I think of this script, since you want a productive review: There is a difference between rings meets legend and rings titled legend. Usually, when someone says "blank meets blank" they mean that the two styles come together, not copy lines nearly word-for-word. I think this was a bad idea and would change it.

I have nothing against fan-fiction. In fact, I write them when I get writers block and can't think of anything original. But I usually work just as hard at getting the fan-fictions just right as I do when I write original scripts. Because everything you write is an example of your skill, and you always want to be at the top of your game. That's why you can't post rough ideas like this that you know are poorly written. Because that's what people will think you write like...so once you finally do get the final draft up, no one will read it.

-Rubix

Quoted from Elmer That combined with what you said afterwards pretty much tells me that you know it's badly formatted and poorly written, but you still want us to read and review it anyway even if our reviews mean nothing because, well...you already know everything we're going to say...and besides, it was written for you. It shows your lack of concern for other people and your immaturity as a writer, as well as your self-centered attitude.

Look, you misunderstand. Your reviews dont mean nothing. But to critique format in THIS case is a waste of both our times. I was trying to help YOU guys out by saying that. The most boring thing to crit is formatting, so why bother in this case.

I also dont appreciate being called an immature writer, when you know nothing about my writing ability.

I can guarantee without knowing you at all that I've written more and placed higher than you have.

Quoted from Adam Johnson I also dont appreciate being called an immature writer, when you know nothing about my writing ability. I can guarantee without knowing you at all that I've written more and placed higher than you have.

How could you possibly guarantee such a thing? If I were you I'd stop talking before you really make a fool out of your self.

Quoted Text I also dont appreciate being called an immature writer, when you know nothing about my writing ability.

This script is very much a showcase of your writing ability. And by immature I meant the way you reacted to my original comment.

Quoted Text I can guarantee without knowing you at all that I've written more and placed higher than you have.

This isn't a contest for me. You just have a criticism problem.

Quoted Text But to critique format in THIS case is a waste of both our times.

Cool. So I told you what I thought of the script. I thought it was a complete rip-off of Lord of the Rings and if I were in your place I would completely can this project.

I'm done with you and this script. In my opinion, if you don't want to be critiqued from a technical (format) point of view, and you don't want to be told it's a rip-off of Lord of the Rings because you already know that, but it doesn't matter because it was written for you, then you should have kept the script to yourself.

It's poorly written. Poorly formatted. It has an unoriginal plot that didn't really captivate me at all. And it has a writer who doesn't want to be told any of that, because he already knows. Oh yeah...that gives me and I'm sure everyone else a good reason to sit down and read this.

-Rubix

I have to agree with RubixCube Bot, the script totally ripped of Lord Of The Rings. There are certain scenes and even lines that have been modified to seem different from the scenes in the LOFR movies. After reading your fight with Rubix, why did you release this script knowing it was a complete rip off of LOTR and the format was poorly written. Seriously, I mean thats what were here for. To tell you what was wrong with the script so that you can fix it, and hopefully to grow as a writer.

Alright, after about 6 pages I had to stop.  Between the fact that, as other have pointed out, it sounds like an echo of LOTR, it also introduced landscapes and characters with no description.  Gimme something.  And with the strong LOTR resemblence, this A. was not noticed and must immediatly be addressed or more distressing B. noticed and you didn't care.

If I was to start a script at a Hamptons party where a drunk guy goes 'dipping and is pulled under by an unseen leviathon, it would read like JAWS.  Some elements may be different but it would immediatly make the reader feel like he was reading nothing more than a rip off.  Regardless of whether the leviathon turns out to be an octopus, mermaid, or submarine, a reader will not want to sit through a lesser version of something he's heard before.

i believe that the legend of zelda could make a god film, or it could turn out like the forgotten super mario bros. film. it is a good idea, many people would see it because many people are fans of the game. i agree with the lotr rferences, and i think that it is shameful to so blatantly plagarize, and people see this and that would be all that they take from the movie, how much of a lotr ripoff it was. i was actually able to hear the lotr theme playing in my mind thats how bad it was. you stated above that this is a rough draft, if that is the case you should take the advice given with a grateful grin on your face and re- write it adressing the problems that are so glaringly obvious not only to me, not only to chris- harris, but to yourself as well. i always read this page before i actally read a script and given your cjhildish behaviours and the negative reviews, i was tempted to disregard your script, but i read on anyway just i could post a reply having formed my own opinion.

I think this is good one... but yeah.. It may make Zelda look cheap because it has lot similar to LOTR... But I will still enjoy this...

I like the ancient earth scene... in the triplex  style! The Zelda! Ahhh! Wahoo!

What think, Adam? Do you think this will make Zelda look cheap? Or this should be kept like this because...what else would it be written??  "The world has changed... and story goes on..."

Boy this Adam guy really likes his work... I respect that. I love my work. There was a saying one time -- "I love myself cos' no one else will"  

Something like that...

Anyways, I'm checking this out on principal. I won't pull punches if it sucks, will give credit if it's good and if it's average I'll give you my opinion on how it can be better.

Good luck. I'll review this by tonight.

Review and thoughts below:
-------------------------------

1st -  Your intro is 6 min long. By 6 min the initial plot is laid out in spades in any one of my scripts. You have one of the longest VO I've ever read. It just goes on and on and on.  To be honest, I started to skim it to get to the meat of the story.  Which was on page 7. So, Maybe you should take those pages out and start your movie on page 7.  Just my thoughts.  

Try to make the legacy and legend behind the land and the triforce unfold gradually. Through dialogue and intrigue. Not forcing it down our throats all at the start and then why we try to decipher it, try to decipher the next chain of events. Know what I mean?  It's sloppy and careless. It's lazy writing is what it is.  It's you writing a box cutter opening so you don't have to think out more plot points later on or as the movie unfolds.

2nd - Even though this isn't "really" formated right or in PDF I can still tell you ran way long on your action slugs. These are like 6 and 7 lines a pop. You should never go over 4 and certainly not 5. EVER! I try to do 3 most of the time. You will find 4 in my work, but I try to keep it down a bit.

3rd - I gave you 10 pages of 60 to entertain me or hold my interest and you failed to do so.  You didn't write a screenplay here... Well,  you did but at the same time you tried writing a book. You're being an author too much in the 1st 10 pages and not enough of a screenwriter. You're describing too much in too much detail. Be blunt... Be sharp. Get your point across in as little as possible. You didn't do that here.

I'd go on and on... but your story is boring. It's Zelda and Zelda, to me, is legendary cos I grew up with the series. If I still played games I've probably play 1 to 3 again and again. This isn't me not loving the franchise... It's me not liking what you've wrote cos what you've written is boring. Nothing happens.  

Not just in 10 pages but 20 pages... Nothing happens. It's just blah and blah... It's like one long joke that ends up not having a punch line.

All we learn in 20 pages is that you've obviously studied up on the characters. We got 40 pages for something to happen and I have a feeling, even if I finish it, nothing will happen... Why not take all the love you have for these characters and write a different script... Not this one. This one blows. Write another one.

LEt me be clear, tho... You write very well. You do. But you don't know how to pace a story. Well, not by this standard here anyways.

Sorry....