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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Crooked Creek Moderators: bert
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  Author    Crooked Creek  (currently 1083 views)
Don
Posted: June 20th, 2010, 2:06pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Crooked Creek by Patrick McFadden Jr. - Action, Adventure - An 18 hole golf course comedic odyssey through a racially challenged and uptight country club.. 70 pages - pdf, format


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coldbug
Posted: June 21st, 2010, 10:37am Report to Moderator
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I can't pass reading page 1, because of the followings

- industry standard Font style/size = Courier New/12 (not any other fonts)
-1st locale is totally wrong, EXT. A CROWDED GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT ON A BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY AFTERNOON?   (not very professional, and most likely need to be changed)
it should be better with ----

EXT: CROWDED PARKING LOT -DAY

leave the GOLF COURSE part.  The audience is just seeing the crowded parking lot, and how would they know it's a Golf course parking lot?  Is there a sign?
If you really really want to put the Golf course..do like this

EXT: CROWDED PARKING LOT- GOLF CLUB -AFTERNOON

....and you're using a lot of actions of characters in parenthesis..dont' do that. Instead of

      JAPANESE PLAYBOY
  (waving at the boys)
it would be better with
       Japanese playboy waves at the boys.

Try to read the scripts written by professionals, and learn how they format.
Try to study online...How to write a screenplay and Google it!  

Never give up because you did wrong things...correct and improve!  you'll make it!
Good luck!


                                        


A lie has traveled around the world while the truth is putting the shoes on.
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