All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Godzilla: Rebirth by Adam Baker - Action, Adventure - Rebirth follows a father and his young children attempting to escape a city under siege by the giant radioactive monster, Godzilla. It’s a thrilling, action-packed, reimagining of Godzilla in a gritty and realistic portrayal of an actual monster attack on modern American soil. 90 pages - pdf, format
While I'm not the biggest fan of fanscripts, I always adhere to these three principles:
1 If the author has enough energy to write a fan script, why can't they write something that is original to them? In this case, instead of Godzilla, it could be a new creature altogether. We have in fact seen that quite recently in films like Cloverfield and The Host - even The Sandman in Spider-Man 3 turned into a sand monster- yet it has the "spirit" of the Godzillas, Mothras, Ultraman. King Kong, etc. Using pre-established (copyrighted) characters puts a strike against the work, no matter how good it may be, as the work cannot be sold.
(2 It's been my observation that whenever I read a fan script the writer will make several errors regarding the characters and situations, writing things already known, all for the sake of looking cool/being a fanboy or worse, having the established copyrighted protagonists face a problem, only to have those problems solved by an outside character of the writer's own invention. Godzilla seems to somewhat exempt here. Well, not really. Now Godzilla is a mindless bloodthirsty beast who we don't really see until about p44 out of 86 written pages.
Quoted Text
Godzilla is covered in jagged scales and spines. He is enormous and horrifying. His eyes are white and pupil-less, and his mouth lined with rows of wicked teeth.
The remains of the ferry PILFER around him, blood trickles down his spines. His trademark roar threatens our ear drums!
I highlighted the 'trademark' part, because unless you want to redesign like Roland Emmerich and Patrick Tatopoulos did back in the late 90s, (Godzilla attacked NYC, by the way) we already know what Gojira (Godzilla) looks like Which makes most of the description redundant. Not to mention that you mention blood on the spine, presumably from the victims. Coming up from the waters, we can't see the 'blood' on his spine. Humans are like bugs to him.
On p47 Godzilla takes out the train. Nice to see, but it's been done.
In the logline, you call this 'reimagining'. Aside from the fact that such info should not be in a log line, this just informs that you plan to change rules effecting Godzilla, his appearance or behavior In truth, you don't do anything too radical. Having the monster having a mean streak isn't as novel as you might think. Aside from the original, there have been recent attempts to bring Godzilla to more on a menace level- and Hollywood has killed such projects. Will the new project be any different? (There IS one on the way) We shall find out soon enough.
Most of the events before then have a 'Cloverfield' and 'War Of The Worlds' kind of flavor to it. Not a bad thing, but kind of meh. The > > > dream sequence > > > early on is a big mistake. It adds no new information, can be questioned and takes the reader out of the current situation. 'Tis a lame detour and it's hard to recover from these things.
3 It's also been my observation that many fan scripts are written by those who feel the uncanny urge to throw in tons of camera angles. It is even worse in my view when camera shots are called and they are incorrect of themselves.
Take for example, this passage:
Quoted Text
It wails again. We pan back, listening to its shrill cries from the darkness
While there "is" a light source mentioned in narrative above this (thus "from the darkness" isn't needed and it is contradictory) let's look at that camera direction.
Pan back.
See also p46
Quoted Text
Godzilla raises a gigantic arm and SLAMS down on the front portion of the ship. We pan out to see the front quickly SLUMP into the water...
p51 "We pan back..."
For future reference: Pan is left to right.
Now on p44 We finally see Godzilla "In his glory!"). I'm a bit confused on this. With all the aerial and crane shoots, you are saying then I didn't see Gojira yet? No, he's behind walls of smoke Whatever floats the boat.
Additional tech issues: Page numbers should be in upper right, not bottom right. Watch the orphans.
Treat this like an excersise. Avoid camera angles - especially when you use the wrong usage of them. Godzilla may be more menace like he was in his roots, but the famous monster becomes all but a piece of window dressing.
Regards question 1, it's a good practice tool for any writer. Adaptations (and/or reboots) are a large part of a writer's job description at this point - demo'ing you can bring something fresh to an established character, or at least having experience of it, is invaluable.
Regards question 1, it's a good practice tool for any writer. Adaptations (and/or reboots) are a large part of a writer's job description at this point - demo'ing you can bring something fresh to an established character, or at least having experience of it, is invaluable.
Did you write this? Did you read it? If you wrote it did you read it?
Since you throw me a bit of Vanilla Sky--yes, Cameron Crowe remade Alejandro Amenbar's 1997 film Open Your Eyes. Now ask yourself : did Cameron Crowe write the adaptation on spec? The answer is no. He also was a co-producer and he directed. So putting the clip up doesn't really back you.
As I mentioned above, a new Godzilla film is being developed (by Legendary Pictures in association with ToHo) and, again, the script here (Rebirth) doesn't "reboot" or "re-imagine" anything. Repeat, maybe, but not much other than that. Like I also said, this script (in my view) didn't bring anything "new" to Godzilla. Godzilla is attacked, he smacks down F-14s, trains and causes other property damage. There's nothing really new. Sure, it would be nice to see that for the 100th time, but so what?
If you want to try adaptation, go for subjects that either you hold the rights to, or shop around for public domain. I am not against that. Even I did that once (public domain). But Baba Yaga is one thing. Godzilla is another. Who will this script be shown to? Could it be sold?
Not that it matters anyway- the script is loaded with (incorrect) camera direction, an early dream scene which takes us out of the action at hand, and incorrect placement of page numbers. Put me in a Vanilla Sky dreamland all you want to- it won't change a thing. If you wrote Rebirth, you can go back and change it.
It's not a clip for you - it's in my signature. And it's Magnolia, not Vanilla Sky.
I know there's a Godzilla remake afoot. It's directed by the guy who directed Monsters. I was simply defending the decision to write something as an exercise or to sharpen skills from source material you don't have rights to. I didn't bother reading the rest of your review. And no, I didn't write this script.
Enjoyed reading this as i have most of the scripts on here As far as I can see practice makes perfect. So long as you learn from your mistakes, it's all good. Good luck
In film - nothing is impossible
A PLACE FOR FRIENDShttp://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/APLACEFORFRIENDS.fdr.pdf
I appreciate all the reads guys, and definitely love the criticism. Thank you for at least giving the script a look!
Darren, your advice/criticism was fantastic. I've really wanted some real intense feedback for months now. I've just completed a major rewrite that (hopefully) cleared up all of the quirky errors like the camera mistakes you noted (and all direction period), some grammar, typos, and some other things I was unhappy with.
While I am a fan of Godzilla (who isn't?) I really wouldn't consider myself a 'fanboy' and actually got the urge to write a Godzilla flick when I heard about the Legendary/Toho endeavor. I couldn't get it out of my mind so I put my current project on hold to see what I could come up with.
The 'reboot' angle is a tricky one. I wanted some ties to the original film while at the same time giving some thought to newcomer's who don't even know what Godzilla is. I realize that it borders on remake/reboot/sequel but I just tried to tell my story. Speaking of which, his train snack was a nod to the original.
I did have a redesigned Godzilla in mind as well. At least something that could fit more into the 'scary' or 'dark' portrayal in the script. The dream sequence is from an idea given from a friend, I had no idea that it bogged the story down that much, but looking back I agree with you!
I assumed there would be more wrong with the formatting than what I got too. I had used an old template on Microsoft Word to write it up before converting it to pdf, so the page numbers will be corrected.
Thanks again to everyone that checked it out, hope you've enjoyed it!
EDIT: Rewrite it up! Thanks again for the reads, hope you enjoy!
I've been reading this script for a few months now; I have to say I'm impressed.
I myself am a huge fan of the Godzilla series; I have been as long as I can remember.
This modern, gritty take on the Big G is something I've wanted to see for a LONG time.
The human characters are done very well, something the Japanese films usually fall short with. David Martin is a nice change compared to all the Shia Labeouf fillers that usually infest today's action/science fiction films. We truly feel his pain and suffering as his world is destroyed and his family members die off one by one. Said family members are well done, his kids don't come off as annoying and the ways they die are truly heart wrenching.
As for the monsters themselves, they fall a little short, particularly the title character. I like some of the design ideas you have for Godzilla, namely the multiple rows of teeth and the jagged, scaly skin. Otherwise, your Godzilla seems a little bland. I myself made a Godzilla design that I'd love to see in the 2014 LP film:
My other problem is the approach to Godzilla's character. Here, Godzilla is portrayed as an evil, gore thirsty destroyer. Godzilla should bear no true malice towards mankind and he does NOT eat people. When first entering the city, Godzilla should seem confused and overwhelmed; most of the initial damage dealt is by accident. Godzilla doesn't begin a true attack until fired upon by the military and/or challenged by another monster.
As for the train scene, it would be much more true to the character if he didn't eat the train. Basically he could bite it in half, still killing the people inside, but spitting it out after that. Essentially he attempts to eat the train out of curiosity, but doesn't like the metallic taste and spits it to the ground.
Godzilla's fighting style in your script is done very well, particularly his battle with Anguirus.
Speaking of Anguirus, this design falls a little short as well. Over all, he seems just as bland as Godzilla and I don't like the description of his teeth. Instead of being needle like, I think they should be more akin to thick, razor sharp tusks. I could also imagine Anguirus' skin being bumpy and covered in warts as opposed to Godzilla's jagged scales.
However, I think it is alright to have Anguirus eat people and be a mindless, bloodthirsty animal. It would make a nice contrast to Godzilla's more confused mindset.
Design wise, Anguirus falls short mostly in terms of color, as does Godzilla. The usual gray and brown coloration is usually used as camouflage. Godzilla and Anguirus are far too big to hide and these colors aren't particularly eye catching. For Godzilla, I think something along the lines of the 2000 design's colors would work, as shown in my design.
As for Anguirus, I could see him being a mix of blues and reds. Believe it or not, this would have been his original color scheme!
These new colors are more interesting, as well as making more sense. As I said earlier, Godzilla and Anguirus are far too big to hide. Brighter colors make for better threat display purposes, something that makes more sense biologically. Anguirus could use a brightly colored underside as a threat display when he rears up on his hind legs or when he's trying to bite Godzilla's throat.
In terms of design, I imagine a mix of these two redesigns:
My other big gripe is the city used. New York City is VERY overused. It also seems strange that Godzilla would travel such a great distance to this city. I'd suggest using a city on the West Coast instead, maybe Los Angeles or even Seattle. These cities are much closer to Godzilla's native country of Japan and are far more interesting choices than Manhattan. The location of these cities, especially Los Angeles, also tie the plot together a lot better. The human characters would be closer to and much more aware of the phenomena occurring, namely the devastation of San Francisco. You could also have the news report on the destroyed battleship take place in the Hawaiian Islands.
Despite these gripes, this is still the best Godzilla script I've ever read and I feel that it has a LOT of potential.
Also, here are some pieces of music I listened to while reading your script and I feel that they could cement the hypothetical musical style of this project:
Thank you Bender for the thought out and detailed opinions. It's great to get some critque from a hardcore Godzilla fan (which it seems that you are).
Glad you like the characters, and I'm glad you had fun with the script. Unfortunately, the version still up here is a very, very old draft, but it nonetheless is what I had envisioned while writing.
It's intereting that you took so much stock in the brief descriptions of the monsters, something which the screenwriter really has no say in for the final film. In a perfect world, I should have given no description on Godzilla at all and maybe just a sentence or two with Anguirus, as the common film-goer (or reader) may have no idea what or who he is.
The descision on Godzilla's 'character' or lack thereof was a difficult one, but is something I have taken into consideration for my rewrite. Godzilla himself SHOULD be a character all his own, unique and heroic, likable yet frightening. It's a tough balance, especially for a 160-foot character with no dialogue and a knack for (inadvertantly) killing people.
Many aspects of this script did not excite me the way a true Godzilla film should. I was ultimately unhappy with many things and have actually begun an entirely new script (new story, new characters, new plot, everything) to replace this one. However, I greatly appreciate your read and may one day dust this thing off and give it some love.
Very glad you enjoyed it though. For as old as this is, and as crappy as it is, it makes me feel good knowing that someone enjoyed reading this and had an experience! Thanks again!
Still, detailed, fresh monster designs can add a lot to both the final film and the script it is based on, IMHO
Also, I really like how you describes Godzilla's dorsal plates looking like jagged coral.
Again, I could see Godzilla wandering into the city out of curiosity, or perhaps tracking Anguirus. Once he arrives, he inadvertently causes destruction due to his huge size, but is not actively attacking.
The military soon arrives and fire at Godzilla. Godzilla then attacks the military, but is still now purposefully attacking the city itself. Of course some buildings get destroyed, but mostly due to them being in Godzilla's way in his advance against the army. At this point, I'd imagine at least one soldier (Aaron) realizing that firing on Godzilla is both useless and only angers the giant creature.
Godzilla defeats most of the military units before turning around in the direction of the ocean. Just as he steps into the water, he stops and sniffs the air. He snarls and heads back into the city. Anguirus burrows out of the ground and the two kaiju start fighting.
I like how you described Godzilla calming down after killing Anguirus.
In terms of Godzilla's character, I have always viewed Godzilla as the original bad ass while also being somewhat sympathetic.
Can't wait for the new script! When might it be out?
Also, I know that the writer has no say whatsoever in the film's musical score, but here are some soundtracks I listened to while reading your previous draft, as well as what I imagined in a new Godzilla film in general:
Now this is a script I can comment on. I too am not only a fan of Godzilla, but when I heard that Legendary was doing a reboot, I also wrote a script of what I felt the new movie could be. Well Adam. I read your original draft (right after I posted my version) and had to admit that I really liked the premise. We were all disappointed with the Devlin/Emmerich debacle of 98 and want to see it done right this time. I know Darren was very critical in his first comments, and I understand where he is coming from. I too, felt intense pressure when writing my script. There are many things to consider in a reboot. The first being, how to keep the character true to the original, but making enough of a change to make it feel fresh and new. This is no easy task. There is only so much that can be done with a mutated dinosaur running amok. And Godzilla is not exactly an easy thing to sell. Many people and critics just view it as pure camp. Yet the original Gojira was a classic piece that told a very serious story and most people do not know that. I like how you brought back the serious and dark tone to Godzilla. That has been lacking for a long time in the line of films released. The last serious Godzilla film would have to be GMK and even that had a lot of faults. The trick is to tell the basic story of how man tries to play god. Man creates monsters, and now man must pay the price for their sins. So here is what I liked about your script. 1. The dark tone. Yes Godzilla is a threat. He will not run away and like a tornado or hurricane, it is a disaster that can not be stopped. 2. The homages to the original movie were fantastic. I love the tie in of the Martin family. And the sequence with the train reminds you of one of the most famous movie stills ever. 3. The characters. Your characters have feel and emotion. I could feel the tears welling up in the final scenes when Davids daughter was on her last breaths. This was the hardest part I found when writing my version. Because I wanted Godzilla to be the star of his movie, and all the other characters are secondary. This also leads to what I didn't like about the script. It took too long to see the big guy in all his glory. It wasn't until page 44. That means that I'm sitting half way through the movie before I get to see what I paid to see. It took too long. Remember, this is Godzilla's movie. We want to see Godzilla. The battle with Anguiras felt like an afterthought. It was too short and not enough build up. Though I was happy to see that another monster was brought in. After all, that's what makes a great Godzilla film is the battles with the other monsters. And lastly. Though I loved the dark tone, I found it to be too dark. The descriptions of the gore were just too much for a Godzilla film. Honestly if this was filmed, it would be pushing an R rating. That would not work for a Godzilla film. It would alienate a lot of viewers. I also struggled with this. How do you show the true horror of being attacked by a giant monster, without making it so gory and terrifying that kids could not watch it. They are after all, the core audience. I would say that the gore level needs to be toned down a bit. Other than that. Great job. Finally. Somebody that "gets it". And believe me, that is what Legendary is looking for. They are now on the fourth writer for this project, so obviously they feel very strongly about bringing the right blend of horror and action to this project. They are looking for a franchise, not a one hit wonder. And if the right script comes along, then they would have a great franchise on their hands. So keep the faith my friend and keep honing this. It is great practice and you never know who may be interested. I will be doing a rewrite on my version very shortly. I know mine is too long. (132 pages) and needs a lot of work. It too was the script that reignited my passion for telling a good story and I'm not giving up until I feel it's perfect. I even have 2 sequels planned and have started on the first one, but have put it on hold until I get the first one perfect. Hopefully when I am in Las Vegas (where my story takes place) in March, I will be able to picture it all better and get it written to a higher level. I wish you all the best. and thank you for treating my favorite character with respect. Jon
Thank you both again, and thanks gman for such a lengthy review.
As I mentioned before, I recently finished a new draft with of a completely new script, and oddly enough, each of your negatives have (hopefully) been addressed. Godzilla now appears promptly on page 30 and the action really kicks in. I realize 30 minutes may seem like along time, but its a lot closer than 44 and is a great way to start the first half of act 2 (plot point 1). Structure was very important for me this time around, and so I wanted to try and follow it to the letter.
Yes, the addition of Anguirus was added into this script later on. In the original, there was no other monster. It's a shame that I apparently didn't blend him and his foreshadowing better in this script, but I like to think I nailed it now.
The gore is something I recieved the most heat over, and I keep hearing about it! (lol) It has been drastically toned down throughout. While I am sure that children will be flocking to see a new Godzilla film, they were not my target audience when I wrote the script. Even if these children would probably love the excessive violence, I wrote my story (knowing any studio or director would obviously change it) the way that I would tell a 'monster-attack-movie'. It would be dark. It would be horrifying. It would be incredibly gory.
Thank you again for the read, and I am very glad you enjoyed it. Good luck with your script as well. I would be happy to offer up some notes in my free time when it's completed. So feel free to PM me and let me know when it's done.
Pages: 
Author
Godzilla: Rebirth
Logged
In truth, you don't do anything too radical. Having the monster having a mean streak isn't as novel as you might think. Aside from the original, there have been recent attempts to bring Godzilla to more on a menace level- and Hollywood has killed such projects. Will the new project be any different? (There IS one on the way) We shall find out soon enough.
Whatever floats the boat.
Locked Board