SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 7:19pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Max's Traveling Carnival Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Max's Traveling Carnival  (currently 12606 views)
Mr.Ripley
Posted: April 21st, 2013, 9:12pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
No problem Shawn

Thanks. If you want me to read something of yours, let me know.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 45 - 84
Sandra Elstree.
Posted: April 21st, 2013, 10:41pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

Location
Bowden, Alberta
Posts
3664
Posts Per Day
0.60

Hello Gabe,

I remember seeing this a long time back as

Max's Traveling Circus

Why did you change it to Carnival? I liked circus better.

If you shoot me a PM with where you want this to go, I can try and read with that in mind and maybe stoke the fires. I haven't read a word of it yet, maybe that's well and good. I can bring you an extremely fresh perspective.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 46 - 84
kingcooky555
Posted: April 22nd, 2013, 9:46am Report to Moderator
New



Location
New York
Posts
221
Posts Per Day
0.05
I've stopped at page 48 and will continue later.

I forgot the original version, but I think this version still has a LOT of characters. I was halfway through and you were still introducing named characters (i.e. CLAIRE on page 47). I get a sense that these circus freaks are way too one dimensional. TIME controls time. STRONG is well... strong. And why can't MAGIC just have Time's powers? Why have TRANCE when Max has the same powers? I'm not a big fan of these villains with one-time gimmicks. I think there's still a lot of room for cutting these characters and to trim A LOT. None of these guys are memorable, except maybe for MAX but he's hardly in the first half of the story.

The possession thing can be confusing, especially when you introduce the double possession (Alexa and Rebecca in Gaby's body). The only way I can see this working is if you create really distinct voices for GAby and Alexa. They both talk the same way so it's hard to differentiate who's who. Especially if this goes to screen. Maybe make Gaby speak in a street slang and Alexa is more clean cut in terms of diction/dialogue. So when Gaby (possessed by Alexa) it's easier to see who's who. This is especially important in the screen version as the only way the audience can tell someone's changed is through dialogue and change in body movements. Same with Rebecca, her voice has to feel distinct.

Notes as went along:

pg 11 - don't need three lines to show who enters car and where. Everybody gets in. And off they go.
pg 12 - TWO STORY... looks awkward as a slug. Just say EXT HOME. and in the description write "TWO STORY..." or say it's the same house that Magic was looking at.
pg 12 - Emphasize INVISIBLE. Cap it or underline it. I had to go back and reread this to make sure they can turn invisible.
pg 14 - Because you used "TWO STORY..." you get an awkward slug here. That's why it's better to establish it as "GABY'S HOME" or something more obvious. The
"INT. TWO STORY, FRONT GABLE HOME - PARENT’S BEDROOM - NIGHT" looks very awkward.
pg 14 You have a mini-slug and then use a full slug. Either method is fine but don't mix it. Either establish a main location slug and use minis or use full slugs.
pg 20. TIME and HUNTER? There's a lot of characters here already. WHy not give
MAGIC all the magic powers, like freezing time, if that's what you're getting at.
pg 22. Why not bring time in the first place?
pg 31 "Rebeca enters Gaby (Alexa). Same as before but, with an
additional twist." It was starting to get confusing already now this double possession
raises some red flags about how complex this could be.
pg 33. Rebecca can now control people? Maybe I missed it but I thought she didn't know how to possess/control people?
pg 37. VIRUS? Another possible character? He/she sounds like Shape Shifter. Really do you need this character? Every character, particularly the circus freaks, are too one-dimensional. YOu gotta give them more depth.
pg 41. Rebecca's description of the powers sound like it came from a video game.
Is it really necessary to have this kind of complexity in terms of powers?
pg 44. And I still see named characters popping in. How many characters were in the original? This character count is already high and a majority are one-dimensional.
pg 46. "As Gaby prepares her dialogue to Juan..." This reads weird. How about just a simple "Gaby's about to speak --"
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 47 - 84
Mr.Ripley
Posted: April 22nd, 2013, 10:28am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
Thanks Kingcooky555 for the review thus far. Can't wait for more.

I think I might have to go with the Xmen logline then.

SPOILERS!


Quoted Text
I forgot the original version, but I think this version still has a LOT of characters.


I wanted to create my own type of Xmen/Heroes world. These are different rules and, hopefully, characters you've never seen before.

It was a real challenge for me to balance the number of characters, but for now I gotta be stand behind this. They play a role. Even if it's a small role, it's a role to move the story forward. I thought about this a lot. lol.  

I tried to differentiate the major ones from the minor ones by their descriptions. For instance, the major characters get specific ages (like 33, 43, 40) while, the minor characters get a rough estimate (mid 30s, mid 20s, late 50s).

Also, the major ones get more screenplay time while, the others don't. For example, Max may not be there physically but, he calls his men to check on progress or inform them of something new. He's the boss. He's going to go out on the field only for something major.

The minor ones don't communicate as much....unless they're told to.

In addition, Max keeps sending them out in the hopes of killing Gaby. lol. Max controls a lot of them so he's going to use them for his purpose.


Quoted Text
Why have TRANCE when Max has the same powers?


I was able to combine some powers but, you can't with others. Each character has they're own distinctive power. Even though Trance and Max can control people, they do it differently. Trance's a hypnotist. Max isn't. Trance's power is more efficient for controlling people for a longer period of time without her presence. Max needs to be in front of the person.  


Quoted Text
The possession thing can be confusing, especially when you introduce the double possession (Alexa and Rebecca in Gaby's body).


The possession was tricky. Dialogue is such a pain. lol. I would like to argue that you can tell them apart from the powers. And when that double possession happens, it takes place in an area where they're not talking as much. lol.  

I would work on correcting those notes. Just my explanations

pg. 11 It did matter since how was Gaby to discover Rebeca's secret?  

pg. 12 The TWO STORY I wanted to be clear on what home the reader was going to.  Will emphasize INVISIBLE thing.    

pg. 14 I didn't want to reveal that it was Gaby's home. But, I'll see what can do I to fix that slug.

pg. 14 will fix the slug.

pg. 20 I wanted to display Max's dominance. He has a lot of people at his disposable. This is what Gaby's up against.  It's also meant to reveal Max's operation.

pg. 22 They didn't expect any problems that Count and Unseen can't handle.

pg. 31 I used those multiple possessions only for sharing powers mostly not for communicating.  

pg. 33 Gaby's a medium. This is later revealed.  

pg. 37 I only mentioned Virus. Another example of how tough it will be to against Max. The minor characters only have one ability. A few only have two or three or more.

pg. 41 I have to be original. It was never my intention to be complex just be realistic and innovative. I view this world as is.

pg. 44  This is xmen. lol.

pg. 46 I wanted to convey that Gaby is thinking on what to say.

As always, all reviews would be taken under consideration when I rewrite this again. I simply wanted to explain myself with this script.

Let me know if you would like me to read something.

Thanks again,
Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Mr.Ripley  -  April 22nd, 2013, 11:47am
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 48 - 84
kingcooky555
Posted: April 23rd, 2013, 9:32am Report to Moderator
New



Location
New York
Posts
221
Posts Per Day
0.05
Okay got to the end. I admit skimming the battle in the end as it was getting rather confusing. Plus all these characters was just hard to track.

I get you're trying to do an X-Men here. But the only reason why X-MEN works in the movies is because everyone knows the history behind the characters. Magneto, Storm, Wolverine, Cyclops -- all these characters have a deep history explored in comic books. The movies only work because most people know this history and the writer doesn't have to spend twenty minutes developing these characters (although I think the existing X-MEN movies lack character depth).

Now, if you're developing your own set of superheroes, you don't have this advantage of a pre-set, existing back story. YOu will need to convince the audience that these characters -- protags and villains -- are interesting enough to pay attention to. With all these characters, it's hard to do that. So you have all these one-dimensional characters that feel contrived. When you need to stop time, you have a character called TIME. When you need people to fly, you have someone called FLYER.

On page 90 -- ""There are a total of 30 living survivors." And then you start naming them. That should be a clue that there is way too many characters here. Let me put my producer/director hat here - I see two problems. One this will cost a lot of money to hire all these actors - not to mention the logistical nightmare of coordinating thirty something actors for the shoot. Lastly, how will I attract acting talent to play so many one-dimensional villains? This current narrative is not budget friendly. Maybe you intended this to be a summer tentpole? But this would open other cans of worms...

I see two solutions. One, cut down on the characters and focus on developing a "core." OR convert this script to a TV pilot. In a TV format, you can throw in a lot of characters with the promise of future episodes to explore each one.

Here are the rest of my notes:

pg 55 Was this supposed to be dialogue? - "I blew her sky high. No one
could’ve survived that explosion."
pg 57 The translation should not be in brackets. Just write the dialogue
normally and then put a parenthetical (in Spanish, subtitled). Some scripts even
italicize the Spanish, but let the director decide what he/she wants to do.
pg 74. They need someone to fly so they bring someone named "Flyer". I still
think you've got way to many one-dimensional characters here. Also, some of
the characters feel contrived. When the narrative needs someone who can stop time,
a character named TIME shows up. When the narrative needs someone to fly, a character
named FLYER comes out.
pg 76. I get what you're trying to do here:
"Gaby (Flyer, Rebeca) becomes visible on the floor."
But again as I foreshadowed early in Act one. This looks awkward.
pg 76 "He (She) goes over to Danielle" I would use their actual names here. This is really
vague.
pg 81 It's getting really confusing with all these characters and double possessions.
pg 90 "There are a total of 30 living survivors." Then you start naming them...
If I was a reader/producer reading this, I'd think off the costs involved hiring
all these actors, and the challenge of enticing talent to play one-off characters.

Good luck!
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 49 - 84
Mr.Ripley
Posted: April 23rd, 2013, 11:10am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
Hey Kingcooky555,

Skimming is a part of reading. lol. I'm guilt as well. I'm going to have to fix that third act though.

SPOILERS!

This is my superhero screenplay. Compared to the last feature I had up, I'm proud of this one. This one at least makes more sense IMO of course. Max's goal, get the parents and kill Gaby. Gaby's goal, get parents back and stop Max. What gets confusing are the characters who get involved to help either Max or Gaby.      


Quoted Text
  I get you're trying to do an X-Men here. But the only reason why X-MEN works in the movies is because everyone knows the history behind the characters. Magneto, Storm, Wolverine, Cyclops -- all these characters have a deep history explored in comic books. The movies only work because most people know this history and the writer doesn't have to spend twenty minutes developing these characters (although I think the existing X-MEN movies lack character depth).


Totally understand your argument. However, how about the people that didn't know about them? Can they not learn? Some people don't read comic books. lol.  

When I was introduced to X-Men, it was through the movies and I didn't know anything about them. lol. I learned by watching through the films, and then the tv series on netflix.   

If you would put my screenplay in a series per se, this screenplay starts in the middle which I purposefully set up as so. Decided to leave some mystery and use the data that it's not there as background to some of the characters. Keep a little intrigue going on there. And, hopefully start a series.

Granted there are a lot of one time characters (TIME, HUNTER, FLYER), but the only reason why these one time characters appear is because of Max. Don't you think Max will use them when he needs them? And again, I'm showing how tough it will be for Gaby to get Max. I at least gave them names that would let you know what their function was so it could be easier to remember them, if you wanted too. And, this gives you a insight into how Max operates.

In terms of money, these one time characters can be played by extras or actors who don't mind appearing in movies.   

There one time characters, why would you remember them? The major ones get screenplay time, either by talking or by appearing in the scene. I made sure of that. lol.


Quoted Text
On page 90 -- ""There are a total of 30 living survivors." And then you start naming them.


Most of them are Virus Clones. Devoid wasn't going to get all of them. They're were going to be a few survivors. And I figured it will help in the reading since it beats using MAN or THIN MAN or FAT MAN. There's a limit to how a writer can describe someone. lol.  But I could prob reduce the number.

I will respond to your notes later on. Gotta go somewhere right now.

Back to respond:

pg. 55 That's what Max's thinking. I know it's a no in screenwriting, but I think it adds more to the character. And I'm going to claim that as my writing style.

pg. 57 I wanted to portray spanglish. Half spanish and half english.

pg.74 One, the name tells you, the reader, the person's function.  Max named them as such so he can remember them. And, it alleviates the reader in trying to figure out who the person is.  lol.

Two, all the characters in the screenplay don't need to be developed. I think what's confusing you and, probably anyone who will read this, is the number of characters that have names since in screenwriting 101 main characters get names, while secondary or non important characters don't. These secondary or non important characters get descriptions like Fat Guy. I did do that in this screenplay with GUN WIELDER. However that type of description can only go on for so long.

Each character is important. But you gotta consider what the situation is in this screenplay. These characters are under control. Max gave them these names so he can remember them. And, these characters belong to Max, and he'll use them by any means.

I tried to differentiate the main ones and the non important ones by the screenplay time (who gets more time on screenplay) and descriptions ( I gave a bit more detail descriptions towards the main ones than the non important ones).

And three, even though these characters come into the scene at a certain points, they don't fully solve the character's problems. For example, when Max's crew chases Gaby in the streets. Time's power worked. However, Max's crew didn't expect Alexa.       

pg.76. Ok.

pg.81 As hard as I try...Jesus!. Going to have to work on that.  

Finally, Don't think I'm not going take this into consideration. I'm explaining my reasoning behind certain choices. I thought this shit through. lol.  

Thanks for the review. Like I said before, let me know when you need something read. And as always, I'll take things into consideration, the good, the bad, and the medium. lol.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Mr.Ripley  -  April 25th, 2013, 7:46pm
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 50 - 84
dogglebe
Posted: April 24th, 2013, 12:45pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I found this script to be too overly-written, Gabe.  You really need to cut back on your descriptions:


Quoted Text
INT. ELENORE’S CAR - DAY

Alexa enters the back side, leaving the door open.

Sitting down, Alexa helps guide Gaby in, supine position.

Elenore enters driver side.

Rebeca sits passenger side.

Elenore starts the car.


could be better written as:


Quoted Text
INT. ELENORE’S CAR - DAY

Elenore starts the car as Rebecca, Gaby and Alexa climb in.


This script could really use a tightening up.  Don't feel as if you must use individual paragraphs  for each line of description.

The premiere of Gaby's powers should be more dramatic.  You gave her powers a three second introduction and it fell flat for me.

Hope this helps.


Phil



Logged
e-mail Reply: 51 - 84
Mr.Ripley
Posted: April 24th, 2013, 6:41pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
Thanks Phil,

Any review, positive or negative, is helpful.

It's a battle for me when it comes to descriptions. lol. In that scene you chose, Gaby's recovering from fainting so I figured I needed to describe how they get in the car. But, I could've shorten it.  

The quick premiere of Gaby's power was due to the situation she was in.  She needed to jet out of there quickly.  

I'm coming up with ideas and jotting them down on how to improve this screenplay when I go back to rewrite this. It's always afterwards that you see your mistakes. Damn mistakes. lol.  Nevertheless I'm still happy with this.

Thanks again.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/

Revision History (1 edits)
Mr.Ripley  -  April 25th, 2013, 3:58pm
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 52 - 84
trickyb
Posted: April 29th, 2013, 1:21am Report to Moderator
New


Location
Victoria, Australia
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.02
Hey Gabe,

I think the premise of this could be a real winner, the story itself is well done but I think it needs to be re-worked with less characters and more emotion.

I did enjoy the script I hope the notes I sent are of some value.

Kind regards

Michael


Logged
Private Message Reply: 53 - 84
Ledbetter
Posted: April 29th, 2013, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Hey Gabe,

I’m at about page 30 right now. It’s a pretty fast read but I must say I was kinda stopped in my tracks at page 33. With STRONG (ALEXA), GABY (REBECA), MAGIC (O.S.), and all this happening in the action lines along with the dialog threw me off the story.

In fact I went back and read this page twice just to get it. There has to be a way to write that so it’s clearer to the reader.

I’ll try to get to some more tonight, but I can tell you, this is pretty good so far. You certainly have a unique voice and a lot of talent on display here my friend.

Take care buddy

Shawn…..><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 54 - 84
Mr.Ripley
Posted: April 29th, 2013, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
Thanks.

Sorry Michael for not commenting on your post. Thanks for the read and notes. I'll get to reading your script soon. Glad you enjoyed it. That's the next thin on my list. Emotion. lol.

Hope you enjoy reading Shawn. Can't wait for your notes. The possessions is tricky. lol. I'm sticking with this for the time being but, I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks again.  

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 55 - 84
Guest
Posted: May 6th, 2013, 3:29pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
712
Posts Per Day
0.14
Hey Ripley, I read over the first 32 pages, and first thing's first -- I am not a professional screen writer so you can take or leave whatever you see in this post.  Just going to write my reactions down about how I felt according to these 32 pages.

First, I like that your descriptions aren't huge blocks and are pretty simple -- like one to two sentences.  It makes for a fast read.  However, I think you could spice it up a little bit and maybe expand your vocabulary some.  As some have stated before, you also do a bit of overwriting.  I think you get way too specific with some scenes and it can get a little distracting.

Two, Max's carnival slaves are very colorful and have some neat-o special powers.  I think they are definitely the strong point of this script.  Your other characters -- the family that is being pursued by these guys -- aren't so memorable.

Speaking of characters, you have a whole bucket load of them, and there's a whole bunch of stuff going on.  You could definitely benefit from cutting some of these characters out.

Thirdly, I really want to get into this.  I like some of the ideas, but I think it can be handled a whole lot differently.  This is your 2nd draft but I think I am going to stop reading this at page 32.  I'll wait for another re-write down the road after you get more critiques from other members.  I'm not really a big fan of reading a script and then re-reading another draft, and then another, etc.  So I'll stop early and wish you the best of luck with this, and will check it out again after it has a major overhaul.

Good luck.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 56 - 84
Mr.Ripley
Posted: May 6th, 2013, 4:58pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
Thanks Reaper550 for your thoughts.


Quoted Text
First, I like that your descriptions aren't huge blocks and are pretty simple -- like one to two sentences.  It makes for a fast read.  However, I think you could spice it up a little bit and maybe expand your vocabulary some.  As some have stated before, you also do a bit of overwriting.  I think you get way too specific with some scenes and it can get a little distracting.


Thanks. I tried to keep it short and simple. Nevertheless, a few escape me at times. It happens to us all. lol.


Quoted Text
Two, Max's carnival slaves are very colorful and have some neat-o special powers.  I think they are definitely the strong point of this script.  Your other characters -- the family that is being pursued by these guys -- aren't so memorable.


Based off the 32 pgs, mind letting me know which ones you remember?

Sorry to hear that. I'll see what I can do to improve that.


Quoted Text
Speaking of characters, you have a whole bucket load of them, and there's a whole bunch of stuff going on.  You could definitely benefit from cutting some of these characters out.  


I'm thinking of eliminating some sub plots like Count's angle.

In terms of characters, I don't know. A lot of them you can forget about since they're there to help Max. They literally get one scene and that's it. The others get some screenplay time.  


Quoted Text
Thirdly, I really want to get into this.  I like some of the ideas, but I think it can be handled a whole lot differently.  This is your 2nd draft but I think I am going to stop reading this at page 32.  I'll wait for another re-write down the road after you get more critiques from other members.  I'm not really a big fan of reading a script and then re-reading another draft, and then another, etc.  So I'll stop early and wish you the best of luck with this, and will check it out again after it has a major overhaul.  


No problem. Also, this is not the 2nd draft...try 5th or 6th lol. I don't believe in drafts anymore only final draft which happens when someone buys this lol.

Let me know if you would like me to read something of yours.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 57 - 84
Guest
Posted: May 6th, 2013, 5:12pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
712
Posts Per Day
0.14

Quoted from Mr.Ripley


Based off the 32 pgs, mind letting me know which ones you remember?


Firestarter was pretty cool, with a cool name to boot.

Shapeshifter and how he can alter his bodily appearance.

Also, Unseen -- I like how you can touch him and become invisible too.

Now that I think about it, Max wasn't all that engaging and he's supposed to be the head honcho.



Quoted from Mr.Ripley


Let me know if you would like me to read something of yours.

Gabe


LOL You don't want to read anything of mine.

My scripts are filled with drugs, sex, violence, and foul language.  

Anyone who read the first 10 of Ricky Boost wasn't a big fan of the latter.

Maybe, though, maybe....I'm almost done something now.

I'll see what happens.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 58 - 84
Mr.Ripley
Posted: May 6th, 2013, 6:10pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
1979
Posts Per Day
0.31
Thanks.

I'll read anything especially from people who review and participate on the board. You read two of my scripts. I at least gotta read one of yours lol.

I would have to disagree with you. Max is involved. Even though he may not be present in the scenes, he still contacts his workers to find out there progress and he does send them over there.  

Gabe



Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 59 - 84
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Action/Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006