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Pia has a longer IMDB list of scripts filmed than everyone here combined. But he stopped his read on her OWC on page one! Ah, Houston we have a problem when that happens.
I feel giddy! I was mentioned in a post!
First off, I have a LOT of credits! Way more than the imdb list too, but that's because I'm Swedish. We tend to not wait for someone to by the cow. We give the milk away for free....Pirate Bay and so on....
In Jeff's defense, I went out of my way to trip him up. I added asides and other stuff just to see how he would react and at least he was consistent. He never read mine. I know what you guys are talking about, and I agree, I just wanted to make sure people knew I went overboard on purpose.
I do not feel giddy being constantly mentioned and put down in many of these posts.
Hell, even Bert is now doing it.
I actually looked back at my comments on Bert's Mighty Fire, since Kevin...I mean JSimon, brought that up for some crazy reason, and as I assumed, I provided indepth feedback about why I stopped on Page 1 and what I saw that could be written better.
As we all know, no one has to take feedback to heart, or even agree with it. I think what I did provide makes perfect sense and other than the 1 "unfilmable line", which does give a visual and in an of itself, is no big deal, my other comments all were on point and would help his opening page.
It's odd how everyone seems to want to discount my expertise and knowledge all of a sudden, but peeps, who I don't even know, continue to PM and E-Mail me with requests to look at their writing. Strange...very strange.
Crry on, peeps. Follow Kevin...damn...I mean JSimon and write asides on every page. Throw orphans in to pad your page count and create white space at the expense of omitting much more important things. And finally, make sure you use a smartass voice, with swear words and cliches as often as possible. It's a winning formula...how cuold it not be? It worked for Shane Black, right?
I'm not putting your expertise down, Jeff. Your English is educated. Mine is not, which is why I stick to writing as simple and terse as possible. It's safer for me. I don't think I can write good, clever, smartass asides even if I tried. I hadn't written an OWC in such a long time, I just wanted to have a bit of fun. I did what I did with my script, not only to see how you would react, but also to disguise myself. Apparently, my writing is easy to spot.
Having said that, I have to agree with some of the others though. I've read a boat load, barge load actually of scripts. Pro, specs, amateur and complete newbie ones. Fact is that people that read scripts in the film biz do not care if the scripts are riddled with asides and such. In fact, I read one script from the 2014 Blacklist, can't remember the title, but it was on the extreme side. It even had one page in the middle of the srcipt that only had one word on it and that word was FUCK! In bold and a font that must have been a 48pt or something. It still made the Blacklist and I believe it's in pre-production. I've also read scripts that were so enjoyable to read I was just swept away while reading it. When I was finished though, I realized that I loved how this writer writes, swear words and asides and all, but in the end, the story was not as strong as the writing. That's the whole thing right there! Everyone is looking for a great story! The writing itself is really secondary. I hate to say that, but I believe that to be the truth. And as far as the argument goes that, why spoil your opportunity when a studio reader opens your script by having it scream amateur goes, I believe that most of us who've read 1000s of scripts can usually tell after the first few pages if the writer knows how to tell a story or not. Regardless of the writing style. Just my humble opinion of course.
Scripts like "Django Unchained" read well to me, and that breaks all the rules.
QT can do what he wants of course but there's still merit in the way that screenplay is written, IMO of course.
If he trimmed it down to bare bones... it would still work of course.
Edge of Tomorrow script as well, most of that shit is in CAPS at the start but it's RIGHT IN YOUR FACE, the action feels like it's coming off the page.
I'm curious Dreamscale, what qualifications do you have? I know you mentioned something about majoring in something or other.
I wouldn't mind seeing some of your produced credits either, then I can look at your scripts and see how they translate to the screen.
I haven't really took any higher-learning when it comes to writing.
No qualifications. Dropped ouit of grammar school at the age of 7, lived on the mean streets of Pittsburgh, where I fathered 3 children by the age of 15. I then opened up up a barber shop, specializing in blown out afros and mullets, back in the early 80's. Today, I work as a plumber's helper.
Disregard all my feedback, as it's amatuer hour stuff I harp on.
Every Pro script should have 3 or 4 pages of nothing but FUCK and the like, somewhere near the middle...maybe even the first 4 pages? That's what sells for sure and that really translates to the big screen. Do as the Pros do and you'll all be Pros in no time flat.
Disregard all my feedback, as it's amatuer hour stuff I harp on.
Every Pro script should have 3 or 4 pages of nothing but FUCK and the like, somewhere near the middle...maybe even the first 4 pages? That's what sells for sure and that really translates to the big screen. Do as the Pros do and you'll all be Pros in no time flat.
You're misunderstanding me, Jeff. I did not meant that anyone should try to copy what some pros do. Some pros write exactly like you suggest. All I'm saying is that the story comes first.
I also did not say people should disregard your feedback. I ask you for reads, don't I? The problem people are having is when you can't even finish the first page of a script because of the writing style. That's ignoring the story completely and like I said, story trumps the writing style. The story we can see on screen. The writing style, we cannot.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
So if you find Jeff a little curt then he won't mind if you ignore him, if I'm too nice and non specifc please feel free to ignore me.
What you shouldn't ignore, particularly with the OWCs, is where you consistently get the same feedback - to me that highlights that something needs looking at. Note I said 'look at', not fix... you may look at it and still think you are right... and that's fine, it's your script.
I say this because what you are receiving here is feedback from other writers, your peers, they are great for story structure, formatting arguements, rules or lack of them etc, etc - but...
It isn't feedback from Producers or Directors (for the main) and yet it's these people who you are ultimately hoping to engage and get to read and like your script.
So perhaps there is something in considering feedback from the writers on here based on how good they are at engaging with Producers and Directors, i.e. the credits they have, or the scripts they've sold, or even the scripts they've produced.
And yes Fenigus, Jeff/Dreamscale does have a credit for a short, dark and gritty one as mentioned above.
Ultimately feedback can be taken or left, who you choose to listen to is entirely up to you.
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