A strange thread I know but I felt the need to ask a few questions as I tackle another rewrite.  I'm actually writing something else but I got the urge to pick up Pub Lunch and do another draft over the weekend.

So, to those who've read Pub Lunch and can remember it:  I've had a few suggestions now that the first act is too slow and a few killings might speed it up a bit.  I wonder if this is still the case now it's been shunted to the comedy section?  With it been listed as horror, was it expect to be more violent from the get-go?

I'm toying with having a scene with having Susan butchered before the guys eat their pies and find her nail in one of them, will this will give the game away about what they are eating, is this the right thing to do or not?

I've a few others things to work on, like why they're there in the first place.  It does mention they're on a break before their upcoming exams but maybe this isn't clear enough.

I know I need to cut back on the vomiting lol.

Why did you write this script Alffy? Answer that then you can start crafting the story better.

I would probably suggest free flowing and then go back and cut.

Hope this helps,
Gabe

Anthony,

No, I don't think it's still the case now that Pub Lunch has been moved to the comedy section. Now, it's a funny film with some horror bits, rather than a horror film with more funny bits than horror bits. Does that make sense?

To be honest, I think the fingernail in the pie gave it away anyway. Then again, I had read some of the reviews on the script before I read it, so I knew what was going to happen.

I think the decisions for the script are up to you. You do what you want with this script and if the majority of the people who read it don't like it, I'd suggest changing it up a bit.

Cheers,

Dan

Cheers Gabe, Dan

Rewrite is under way. I said I wouldn't pick it up yet but I was drawn back to it lol. I simply can't stick to starting and finishing a project before picking something else up. I'm definitely a juggler.

Alffy

It all depends on how long you want to keep the suspense... I mean I pretty much knew what was happening at the original finger nail scene... Using Susan, I would go with that, the sooner you kill her off the better for me... Her character is probably one you could have done without and what better way to go.


Mark

Quoted from alffy With it been listed as horror, was it expect to be more violent from the get-go?

Not necessary but I can understand some horror fans liking this, I always enjoyed the slower build-up movies which just give you little hints before the full-on horror.

I don't think the problem was the slow opening, more in the tone of the script which drifted more towards comedy than horror. Think of your final/closing scenes where the boys are serving the hungry locals their meat pies which nicely ties in with the chef side but it's comedic and that's the final image, the reader comes away thinking of this as a comedy.

The same thing happened in Shawn of the Dead when the Nick Frost character is playing video games as a zombie in the shed and tries to bite Shawn.

Decide whether you want this to be comedy/horror or horror/comedy...obviously it's down to you really but if it means anything I really enjoyed it and liked the slow build-up.

Good luck with the rewrite, Alffy.

Reading now. Love the Brit dialogue slang.

Been a while since I read this, but recall thinking it was pretty pitch perfect for what you're going for. I'm certainly of the mind that its inherent strength is its Britishness and you'd dilute the quality by attempting to make it all things to all people. Can you imagine how Four Lions would've suffered if it had lost its core Britishness. Universal themes shine through irrespective of how alien the world may be to us.

Get this script out there, alf, and push it hard. The only realy negative I can see is that it shares the same bath water as Shaun of the Dead - but more than one can wash in that water.