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I was just after some advice on a scene I am about to write and thought I would run the structure past you guys first to see if what I am planning is the best way to go about it.
Firstly the scene involves a guy stalking one particular girl and I want to illustrate that she walks down the same street regularly at around the same time at night. He hides, unseen in the bushes across the road.
I was thinking that I start a scene of her walking along the path then 30 seconds later use a flashback, to show her walking at the same location, different clothes and day, with a flash of a shadow across the road then back to scene. She then continues along the path and some 30 seconds later another flashback of her, different clothes and day walking the same location again, with a flash of a shadow across the road then back to scene.
I was hoping to repeat the above 3-4 times to give the feel that the shadow that appears in the bushes has been watching her every time and following her moves.
Do you guys feel this would be the best way to handle it, or alternatively please advise of any suggestions to make it work better.
I'd fit some scenes between those stalking scenes, if I could. If you can't do that, you could have a sort of montage, cutting quickly between all the different stalking incidents.
This certainly would force a buildup to the main scene so the impact may be more dramatic as the audience would have seen him following her for a period of time and know something is about to happen.
Will have to consider what other ideas get posted and review all of them.
But what they did was repeat the daily routine at first with no indication of stalking. Then they subtly introduce the idea of stalking. And that's all you really need to realize it's probably been happening for a while. Then then escalated the stalking until the conclusion of the film.
DAHLING; PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU. YOU ARE not the director; you are the writer; tell. your. story. so this Firstly the scene involves a guy stalking .... the road. and:
I was thinking that I start a scene of her walking along .... back to scene. She then continues along the path and some 30 seconds later another flashback of her, different clothes and day walking the same location again, with a flash of a shadow across the road then back to scene.
No. suggest you use ONE line, gulp, as a novelist would; DIALOG/VO
"I know her routine. First street, make a left. Never looks both ways. Crosses on an angle. Same sh.... different day, but same sh...." see?
Honoured that you joined my thread. (UK) Honored that you joined my thread. (USA) Hee Hee. Sorry. I am stuck between spelling in OZ and spelling in the USA.
Great idea and I feel it will work very well, the only problem I can see is if the VO is done in the stalkers voice as he watches her, his voice may get recognised by the audience as I need him to stay anonymous, so not sure how this could be handled.
Not sure if I could show the same repeated path with no VO, bit of "Groundhog Day" type outcome, waking up the same day over and over again.
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and I feel a number of repetitive scenes may be the way to go. It would be easier to write anyway, just cut and past an almost identical scene 3 times. Hee Hee
Babz"s idea is great though the VO may give away who the stalker is, so will have to think about that option and how it can work with a VO and maybe even combine the two.
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Thanks for the laugh, Alex and Rosco. 
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