A scene in my current project is one that I realized was completely based on coincidence, it's a character introduction but it just seems far too fateful to happen at that exact moment. It feels too convenient to me. Any tips on making something like this not so coincidental?

Can you be more specific Josh?

Things might get confusing, but I'll try to get into the nitty-gritty

A guy and his partner drive into a forest to get to a hotel. I won't bore you with the details here, but basically the goal of these characters is to kill/capture the guy that owns the hotel. As they drive in, their vehicle gets shot and a kid comes out of the woods with a shotgun. He's the adopted son of the hotel owner, and he's escaped because he kinda realized what an awful human being he truly is.

It just feels like the character is way too convenient to show up in this way, but I don't exactly know how to make the connection less obvious.

Just to be sure I got it - the ADOPTED SON is running away from the Hotel Owner (his adopted Father) because the Hotel Owner is a bad dude.

I see no problem introducing the ADOPTED SON here and am still confused on what your issue is.  If you are struggling with how to tell us he is the adopted son, you can either have the other characters do it. For example, after the shotgun blast is heard and the GUY/PARTNER catch a glimpse of him you could write:

GUY

Who the fok is that? I thought he lived alone.

PARTNER

No, the bastard has an adopted son.

IMO - the coincidence is not a problem. It probably is a good thing.

Coincidences are good if they introduce problems for your characters. When a coincidence helps them, that's where you're in trouble. If I'm understanding the scene correctly, I think it's fine.

Good point, what bothers me is that the adopted son character is a very important part of the plot, and also it's revealed later he has an unknown familial relationship with one of the main characters.

I think maybe I'm thinking far too into this, maybe too much CinemaSins could be poisoning my mind.

haha, I stopped watching CinemaSins for the same reason. I tend to overthink plot details a lot. My best advice is to just write it the way you have it and see if you get a better idea later.

Seriously. Overthinking storylines is the leading cause of death in screenplays I've written. Don't turn out like me.

Josh, I don't know enough about the plot mechanics to comment on the adopted son scenario, but I do have to comment on a few other things you brought up.

2 guys drive into a "forest to get to a hotel"?  WTF?   "To kill or capture the guy that owns the hotel"?  WTF again?

Maybe I'm being overly picky, but the words forest and hotel are most likely being incorrectly used here.  It's highly unlikely an actual "hotel" is located inside a "forest".  And, it's also highly unlikely that the owner of the hotel lives there.

Does that make sense?  Anyone else have these thoughts, or is it just me?

My last cents this year. The only thing I maybe disliked about Gangs of New York was that DiCaprio, this Butcher guy DD. Lewis and the whore played by Cameron Diaz, I think, were running into each other every scene. Any time somebody leaves through a door immediately one meets somebody of the main characters on the street; as if it's a soap opera. That's how to make a chamber drama out of a blockbuster settled in past Manhattan.

@Dreamscale Yeah, at least there must be an explanation; like it's a hotel for hikers or survival training or a national park or something. Otherwise there's a contradiction to economy of course

@Josh If I understand your plot right, I don't see a problem. You even have a nice surprising moment here that those guys are attacked suddenly. Also, I think it's fine to explain the boy's background later. You keep the audience thinking that way. I'm sure I would ask myself: Who is this? Why does he shoot at them? It's good to expect a lot from your audience. It will pay off if you trust them to be able to follow complicated plots.

Would be interested why the boy shoots at them? Does he need the car to escape from the woods?
I think the plot reads quite the way it should be. Very interesting surprising CHANGE. Sounds really cool.

Have a nice start into the New Year, colleagues.

Quoted from Josh A guy and his partner drive into a forest to get to a hotel... [their] goal... is to kill/capture the guy that owns the hotel. As they drive in, their vehicle gets shot and a kid comes out of the woods with a shotgun. He's the adopted son of the hotel owner, and he's escaped because he kinda realized what an awful human being he truly is.

Quoted from Dreamscale Josh, I don't know enough about the plot mechanics to comment on the adopted son scenario, but I do have to comment on a few other things you brought up... Does that make sense?  Anyone else have these thoughts, or is it just me?

Yeah, all sorts of WTF bells and alarms went off for me.

Generally speaking hotels are not in forests.
Hotels are in cities, lodges are in forests.

There's a kid with a shotgun patrolling or monitoring the forest road to the hotel?
WTH?! Is he a medieval highwayman? Must be great for tourism. And how random is that, anyway?

If the kid, which I'll assume is actually an adult child of the hotel owner, is so dissatisfied with his father why would he defend said father and hassle this couple on their romantic forest ride to the hotel in the forest?

Story's got much bigger issues than forced introductions.

A hotel in a forest sounds like a cool setting, with plenty of good storytelling opportunities from the setting alone, to me. The uncommon-ness of it actually sounds like a plus to me. Hotels in forests do exist. I'm not confident that they exist or are popular in the US, but it's a big country, there's bound to be at least one. Then again I'm not 100% sure whether hotels in forests have a specific name in English.

I didn't see it stated anywhere that the owner lives there. Maybe it's public information that he went to enjoy a free vacation in hotel, giving the 2 guys an opportunity to uh, kill or capture him? If he does live there, it sounds weird at first glance, but with no information on the backstory, it's too early to jump to the conclusion that it's necessarily a negative imo. The hotel could be a small family business, with the owner keeping a low profile in the middle of the woods somewhere under a different identity... maybe because people like the 2 guys have a reason to kill him?

The coincidence doesn't sound bad to me, the only real WTF moment for me when reading this was why the adopted son that just ran away from his father is shooting at random cars with a shotgun.

I say just write. Then when ur done writing, go back and revise. Finishing a script is hard enough. Worry about nitpicking later.

Gabe

Quoted from PrussianMosby My last cents this year. The only thing I maybe disliked about Gangs of New York was that DiCaprio, this Butcher guy DD. Lewis and the whore played by Cameron Diaz, I think, were running into each other every scene. Any time somebody leaves through a door immediately one meets somebody of the main characters on the street; as if it's a soap opera. That's how to make a chamber drama out of a blockbuster settled in past Manhattan.

Gangs of New York took place in a very small part of town called the 5 Points, more of a neighborhood really, so it makes sense that the main characters would run into each other regularly. I'm sure there are times where they wouldn't bump into each other but that also wouldn't advance the story so what's the point?

I love Gangs of New York BTW.

As far as your problem goes I would just add more details into their run in with the shotgun wielding boy so it becomes an important plot point instead of a random coincidence. Their truck is similar to the hotel owner's and the boy thought the owner was coming back for him. Something like that.

Quoted from CameronD Gangs of New York took place in a very small part of town called the 5 Points, more of a neighborhood really, so it makes sense that the main characters would run into each other regularly. I'm sure there are times where they wouldn't bump into each other but that also wouldn't advance the story so what's the point?

The point is that in good storytelling you have to develop better events to make your characters meet and interact. Well, otherwise they open the door and meet each other on the street, 3 times a day and whenever the story needs it.

This is all my personal opinion.

I'm not going to comment specifically on the information you provided so much as your original question which I find simple. There are no coincidences in screenplays. Coincidences are cheap conveniences that are invented by the writer. If someone mentions that something was a coincidence, they likely mean that it was written poorly. A script should be so that you don't realize these coincidences when they happen. I've encountered this in a feature I wrote here on the boards about a group of people whose lives intersect. I saw the word "coincidence" pop up a couple times and knew it to be a negative that something in the writing felt too convenient and had to be fixed. If what happens in the script feels organic and isn't just written so the writer can move onto the next plot point, you'll be okay.