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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    General Boards    Questions or Comments  ›  Forum Hog
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Simon
Posted: June 9th, 2016, 1:11pm Report to Moderator
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I know this sounds like a really basic question, (an agent told me they really liked my book, I swear to God), but are there any rules on what to describe first? By this I mean, does it matter if you describe houses first, then sky/weather,etc., or sky first then houses, for example. Thank youuu.


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DustinBowcot
Posted: June 9th, 2016, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
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You're describing what you want the reader to see. That could be somebody's hand to begin with... whatever you see in your mind's eye you translate onto the page.
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Simon
Posted: June 9th, 2016, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah, but what if you see everything at once, like a house by a river? Logically, it would make sense to describe the weather first, as that influences everything else, but is that a rule?


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khamanna
Posted: June 9th, 2016, 5:09pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Simon. Didn't you already write a book though if an agent liked it? Do you want to turn it to a screenplay and hence is the question?
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Alex_212
Posted: June 9th, 2016, 7:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from khamanna
Hey Simon. Didn't you already write a book though if an agent liked it? Do you want to turn it to a screenplay and hence is the question?


You're on the ball... K

Looking forward to Simon's response on this.


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CLICK HERE: Please comment or PM me.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 1:50am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Simon
Yeah, but what if you see everything at once, like a house by a river? Logically, it would make sense to describe the weather first, as that influences everything else, but is that a rule?


There aren't any rules. You can even make up new words if you want to... so long as they make a kind of sense, that is.

In terms of varied descriptions in a screenplay, you can place multiple into one action block and also use the slug. A house by a river on a hot, sticky day. Flies buzz around a dead hog.

Shit like that.

As K said though mate, I'm not sure why you're asking when you're so determined to make us believe you're already doing the right thing.
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Simon
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 3:15am Report to Moderator
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Khammana: Yeah, I wrote a book. I guess I let my intuition do all the work, and it worked out. I've had no real education on writing, I just watch a lot of TV, lol. I can email it to you, if you like, it's very funny. If you have the time, I'd like to know what you think about it, but if you don't, whatever. Now I'm writing a second book, I want to make it as professional as possible. I've been reading about writing, and stuff like that.

Dustin: Nope, I'm not trying to make you believe I'm already doing the right thing. Just don't want to come across as an idiot. Anyway, thanks everyone.


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cloroxmartini
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 3:52am Report to Moderator
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What's Elmore Leonard's secret to being both popular and respectable? Perhaps you'll find some clues in his 10 tricks for good writing:

1. Never open a book with weather.

2. Avoid prologues.

3. Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue.

4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said"...he admonished gravely.

5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.

6. Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose."

7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.

8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.

9. Don't go into great detail describing places and things.

10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

My most important rule is one that sums up the 10.

If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.
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Simon
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 4:02am Report to Moderator
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Excellent, I've done all of those apart from number 5. People go mental, in my project, lol. Thanks for your time.


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DustinBowcot
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 4:34am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Simon


Dustin: Nope, I'm not trying to make you believe I'm already doing the right thing. Just don't want to come across as an idiot.


Why would telling me that an agent liked your book change my opinion of you for asking that question?
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Simon
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 4:43am Report to Moderator
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Agent liking my book, suggests competence, basic question, suggests otherwise. There you go.


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DustinBowcot
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 5:05am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Simon
Agent liking my book, suggests competence...


I disagree.
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Simon
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 5:08am Report to Moderator
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Why?


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Simon
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 5:12am Report to Moderator
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Look me in the eyes, and tell me this isn't funny...

TV PERSONALITY
(passionate)
...You may think that all the gameshows I appeared on, and all the money I earned would give me satisfaction, but quite the opposite was the case. I felt empty inside, like I was missing something. Cooking food, just didn't excite me, anymore. I tried everything; preparing curries with whole ghost peppers in, milkshakes with double the normal amount of sugar, obscure beers, with 50% alcohol. Nothing made me happy. I needed a bigger rush.

As he says the last word of that sentence, the MAN makes a strong fist.

TV PERSONALITY
I went to my garage, with my battery powered frying pan and ingredients, and got into my Ferrari. That's when I went mad.

ELDERLY WOMAN
What did you do??

TV PERSONALITY
I started to drive down the 30 mph roads, but the idiot in front of me was only doing 20. I thought to myself, it's ok; I'll be on the motorway, soon. So I kept my cool, and waited patiently. Soon enough, I was indeed on the motorway, but I still felt nothing, as I accelerated.

The ENTERTAINER puts his foot down to the imaginary metal, and mimes being pushed back, by G-force.

TV PERSONALITY
I took the roof down, and the wind was in my hair, at 120 mph, but it wasn't enough. So I started to steer with one knee on the wheel, whilst baking pancakes with me now free hands.

ELDERLY WOMAN
Why??

TV PERSONALITY
(confused)
I don't know why!

ELDERLY WOMAN
(with empathy)
It's ok. Keep going...

TV PERSONALITY
I was tossing the things into the air, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't realise that my cakes would be forced backwards, at high speeds, and onto the cars behind me. Amazingly, noone crashed. A minute later, a police helicopter was chasing me, and two police cars were in my rearview mirror, and gaining speed. I panicked, as they waved manically, for me to stop.

Looking mortified, the PERSONALITY mimics the police's dramatic attempts to make him see
reason.

TV PERSONALITY
All I could think to do, was try harder. I put extra doses of lemon juice onto the flour, as it cooked, but surprise, surprise, it didn't help. I knew I was in trouble, so in a moment's clarity, I parked on the hard shoulder. I got out of my car, to offer the policemen some of my preparations. But they didn't care. They didn't care one bit.

ELDERLY WOMAN
What did he say to you??

TV PERSONALITY
For a while, he was speechless. His facial expression, was one of complete amazement. Eventually, he simply said 'get in the car'. I'm not an idiot; I did. He took me to the local police station, and explained to me I would likely face 3 years in jail. I cried. For 3 years I cried, everyday. When I got out, my career was in ruins. Everything was over, and I was bankrupt, so I was forced onto the streets. With my frying pan, I offered to make pancakes for tourists in the busy streets of London, but they just laughed in my face. One day, however, everything changed. A man in a black suit and sunglasses, with a rubber chicken tattood on his face, started talking to me, and took me somewhere quiet. He started talking to me about how dangerous proverbs were. I didn't understand what he was talking about, and I wasn't really listening; it was far too weird for me. Really crazy stuff about killer swans, or something. I voluntarily zoned out, for a few minutes, then he stopped. This surprised me, and I was in the real world again. He then offered me a job, here, and I took it with open arms. After this event, I will be back on TV, and famous once more. But for the right reasons!


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DustinBowcot
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 10:37am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Simon
Why?


That's what you're telling me. It's very rare that I believe what people say without evidence.

If an agent really liked your book (as opposed to just saying they do), then you would have been signed. Maybe they wanted to make you feel better about yourself. Some people are nice like that. It's not like they don't have to do anything other than recommend you to the publishers they know.

I suppose we have to cling to whatever positives we can... but no matter how nicely put it is, a rejection is still a rejection.

Glad to hear you're writing more professionally from now on.
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cloroxmartini
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 12:27pm Report to Moderator
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*looking you in the eyes*

It's not funny.

I think it has potential to be funny, but the way it is now, not to me.
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Simon
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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Ohhhh, cold! Would you like me to tempt you with another paragraph?


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