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Morgan laughs as she turns the crank. She peeks over the side. Mid-way down the side of the ship, Bush struggles wildly for his freedom.
MORGAN Bye, Bye Bushie! Sis always said you were all wet, I guess she --
CORNETTO (O.S) (wheezy and weak) Morgan.
Morgan stops cranking. She turns, scans the deck.
MORGAN Who’s there?
CORNETTO (O.S) Morgan.
MORGAN Cornetto? Is that you?
She steps forward...
MORGAN I thought you were –
CORNETTO (O.S.) Not dead. Soul --
She walks toward the voice and searches, too many shadows.
MORGAN I want to see you!
CORNETTO (O.S.) No!
MORGAN Then go to hell!
She turns away. Cornetto’s voice comes again, closer.
CORNETTO (O.S) Need help.
Morgan begins to turn.
CORNETTO (O.S) Don’t turn.
His hand touches her shoulder. She stops. Tears fill her eyes. She brushes his hand off his shoulder.
MORGAN I’m tired of your games, Cornetto. Go find someone else to help.
He touches the side of her face, wipes away one of her tears. She lets him.
CORNETTO (O.S) Only trust you.
MORGAN Right. Only trust me! You never were the best judge of character.
She wipes her eyes against her sleeve.
MORGAN I lied to you!
CORNETTO (O.S) No.
MORGAN Yes! Yes I did! Just shut up and listen to me for once? The S.S. Romero, all those hearings…It was too much for me. I thought I was going to lose you for good. So I pushed you away, told you I was having an affair -- but I wasn’t. Told myself it was for the best when you left me, but I was broken-hearted. How was I supposed to know you were going to be cleared of all charges?
CORNETTO (O.S) I forgive –
MORGAN There’s more -- but I need to see your face when I tell you.
Before Cornetto can stop her, Morgan spins to face him.
CORNETTO No!
His face is contorted in a hideously insane expression, his eyes bulge wildly in their sockets, his mouth open in a permanent wail. He tries to hide under his hands.
Morgan screams.
INT. ELEVATOR
Alffy panics while lying on the floor of the elevator. Above him floats a strange spinning device.
SANDRA’S VOICE One lifeform activated. Two errors encountered. Initiating soul load.
ALFFY Help! Somebody!
SANDRA’S VOICE Error. Soul not found.
Green lasers shoot out of the spinning device and paint the elevator in a green-light grid.
SANDRA’S VOICE Searching for suitable alternative.
ALFFY HELP!
EXT. DECK
The horror in Morgan’s face dissolves to pity.
MORGAN My God! What’s happened to you?
Cornetto still tries to hide behind his hands.
CORNETTO Lies…secrets…too dark to tell…soul missing…little time…help me, please.
MORGAN Of course. Of course I will. What can I do?
CORNETTO On bridge…Star Book…bring to…No! No!
Cornetto screams to the heavens, loud enough to wake the gods. Then he falls to the ground. Morgan rushes to his side.
INT. ELEVATOR
The grid is gone. The spinning device glitters for a moment.
SANDRA’S VOICE Soul transfer complete.
Alffy lies face-up on the floor of the lift, his face contorted into an ugly mimic of insanity. He sits up.
SANDRA’S VOICE Beginning protocol three.
The lift moves.
EXT. DECK Cornetto opens his eyes. His face is normal now. He sits up, holds his head like he has a massive hangover.
CORNETTO Morgan?
He looks up. Morgan lies sprawled on the deck. He rushes over to her.
CORNETTO Morgan!
She’s bashed up badly, bleeding heavily, but she’s breathing. He gently touches the side of her face. Her eyes open.
MORGAN (weakly) Cornetto.
His eyes moisten. He nods.
MORGAN I was pregnant when you left me.
CORNETTO What?!
MORGAN I had twins. A boy and a girl –-
CORNETTO Why didn’t you –-
MORGAN They look just like you.
Morgan smiles as she closes her eyes one last time, then she breathes her final breath.
Cornetto sobs.
BUSH (O.S) Well isn’t this just charming?
Cornetto looks up. Bush stands before him, a bloodied dismantled piece of the wave runner attached to his arm by handcuffs. Cornetto’s eyes narrow.
BUSH The thing about these wave runners is, well, they’re very badly made.
Bush swings the loose piece of wave runner at Cornetto, just grazing his arm.
BUSH How touching Captain. You and that saucy red head had a little “somethin, somethin” going on…but not anymore!
Cornetto is knocked off balance as he slips in Morgan’s blood, falling beside her. He looks up, cursing, wildly at Bush as he runs away into the dark shadows.
CORNETTO You “son of a bitch,” your sorry ass is MINE! You’re going to pay for this…mark my words, you fucking asshole!
Cornetto turns to Morgan, pulls the silver tipped hair pin from her hair, sits up and slips it into his pocket.
CORNETTO (whispers to himself) Think, Cornetto…think!
INT. SAUNA
Zadora lashes out at Dana, the steam, curling evil fingers around their struggling bodies.
DANA I’ve been following you for a long time Countess. Your time is running out.
ZADORA REALLY….you think so? I’ve known so many of your kind…tasted so many…
Zadora catches Dana’s neck in her hands. She squeezes tight and Dana stops struggling as she looks into Zadora’s ancient eyes.
ZADORA You really think you can do something with that little stake and gem of yours?
She laughs wickedly…
ZADORA (CONT.) It’s going to take more than that to take me down, my little frien…
Cornetto barges into the sauna.
CORNETTO (Shouting) Zadora! I need your help…and I need it now! HURRY!
The steam parts to expose a stunningly naked Zadora. Her jet black eyes sparkle with a strange lust. Cornetto glances at Dana, then grabs Zadora by the arm…pulling her away.
ZADORA Captain, you’ve ruined my little game, but I’ll go with you.
She turns to Dana and eyes her coolly.
ZADORA Watch your back Miss Orange, we’re not finished yet.
Zadora grabs her clothes…magically dresses in seconds, as they exit the sauna.
Dana inhales the steam, laying flat on the floor, she exhales and closes her eyes.
EXT. DECK Bush, on his hands and knees, pushes the wave runner part out of the way in front of him as he looks under the life boat where Morgan kicked the keys to the handcuffs.
BUSH (out loud to self) You should have thrown these over board too, Morgi.
Bush snags the keys, chuckles and unlocks the handcuffs, freeing himself. He stands up, straightens his clothes, runs his fingers through his thinning hair.
BUSH It must be my lucky day…I think it’s time to play some cards and have a drink.
He slips the handcuffs and keys into his pocket. He whistles as he heads for the bar.
INT. FOURTH FLOOR HALLWAY
Cornetto and Zadora carry Morgan’s lifeless body. Cornetto slips the key into the door, knocks it open with his right foot.
INT CABIN 402 They lay Morgan on the bed. Cornetto turns to Zadora.
CORNETTO I need you to work your magic, countess. We need to keep Morgan’s death a secret…for now.
The Countess looks at Cornetto, a wry smile curving her lips.
ZADORA How sweet Captain…you have feelings for her…
CORNETTO We go way back…it’s a long story…and I don’t have time to go into it right now.
He turns, looks briefly at Morgan, then exits the room.
Zadora’s hungry eyes are on Morgan as the door closes. She licks her lips.
INT. ELEVATOR
Alffy pushes the third floor button. The doors open, he adjusts his package as he exits…twitching more than usual.
INT. THIRD FLOOR HALLWAY - STATE ROOM 301
He slips a credit card in the door releasing the lock, slips inside.
He glances quickly around the room, moves to the sink and fills a glass with water, then drops a pill into it…swirls his finger around, sets the glass down on the nightstand.
He hears footsteps coming closer…he opens the sliding door to the deck and waits in the dark.
Gabriel enters the room. Holding his head, he sits down on the bed and drinks the water…slamming the glass down a little too hard.
GABRIEL That’s a potent pain killer the good doctor gave me. I feel dizzy…SHIT!
Alffy steps from the shadows, enters the room.
Gabriel’s eyes go wide…he tries to stand, his head spins…he sits back down.
GABRIEL What are you do…ing in my room?
ALFFY Thought I’d bring you your wallet.
He tosses it on the bed next to Ripley.
GABRIEL Where di..id you fin…d it?
Gabriel slurs his words…a brief look of understanding shows in his face.
GABRIEL Yoo…stole it!
Alffy moves closer…leans into Ripley’s face.
ALFFY You took more than that from me, you bastard! You killed my old man and took my inheritance. You’re rotten…and a “rip” off…now it’s time to for you to pay up.
Gabrielle rocks on the bed, his hands twitching, his face contorting strangely.
Alffy waits as the drug continues to fill Gabriel’s bloodstream.
ALFFY (whispers close to Ripley’s ear) No blood and guts in your death Ripley my man…it’ll be nice and tidy, just like you. You’ll just appear to have died in your sleep.
Alffy gives Gabriel a shove. lays him flat on the bed. He goes through Gabriel’s pants…nothing there. Checks the closet, goes through his jackets…
ALFFY BINGO! Got ‘em! . Thanks for the keys to your safe deposit box Ripley…believe it or not!
Alffy chuckles as he walks back to the bed and puts a pillow over Ripley’s face. He adjusts his pants and twitches.
ALFFY That ought to finish it.
He checks for a pulse…nothing. Not a blip. He exits into the night through the sliding door.
INT. BRIDGE Cornetto is busy at the console. He picks up a book and makes some adjustments.
On Console Screen: Words appear…Coordinates confirmed. Security box appears. Do you want to accept this route. Yes No. Cornetto clicks yes.
On the Radar Screen: There is a bleep as the radar goes over a small dot on the green screen. The next time around… it’s silent…no more bleep...no more ship.
The ship begins to turn to the left…disappearing into the night.
CORNETTO (to himself) There’s no turning back now…no matter what happens.
I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.
When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.
MBCgirl =) My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
Ste sits in the corner, a pale expression across his mush. He nervously shuffles a pack of cards.
Alffy enters calmly. He cups his crotch with extreme care.
ALFFY Hey, where's the Doc, my nuts are on fire.
Ste is unmoved.
ALFFY Hello! You in there?
Ste slowly turns to face him, his face blank.
ALFFY I knew she was a hooker, shit I bet I've got something nasty.
STE He's over there.
Alffy scratches his groin, wincing with the discomfort. He turns and looks behind him, a white sheet covers a body on the table.
ALFFY Where?
STE You're looking at him.
ALFFY Shit.
Ste stands.
STE Fancy a game?
ALFFY what, no thanks.
Alffy aggressively tugs at his trousers and a relieved expression grows on his face.
Ste walks past Alffy in a state of shock and out of the Medical Centre.
Alffy walks up to Bert's corpse. He pulls back the sheet and searches through his pockets.
INT. CORRIDOR
Ste walks in a trance like state.
INT. YOHN'S CABIN
Yohn places his gun in his jacket and snatches his tape recorder. He presses the record button amd exits the room.
INT. CORRIDOR
Yohn peers left then right.
YOHN The elusive Ripley is a bigger threat than I anticipated, I must gain the upper hand.
He strides off with purpose.
YOHN I'm struggling to keep count of his murderous actions. He murdered a passenger in the room next to mine and I never saw a thing.
Yohn stops near the elevator and rewinds the recorder. He clicks play
YOHN (V.O) ...a passenger in the room next to mine.
He hits the stop button.
YOHN Don't want anyone to hear the next bit. It don't make me sound good.
He chuckles to himself.
YOHN I'm the man...I am the man.
He unholsters his weapon and spins it round his finger.
YOHN The man with the....gun.
He frowns.
YOHN That's a bit naff.
He rubs the gun barrel across his brow as he thinks.
YOHN I'm the man, the man that can.
He points his gun with purpose down the corridor, his finger applies a little pressure to the trigger. Ste rounds the corner, oblivious and right into Yohn's sights.
INT. ELEVATOR
Dana stands in the centre, she holds a stake in one hand and the crystal in the other. Her face still spatered with blood, she looks down at the bottom of the door. There are strange scratches, as if someone tried to dig their way out of the elevator.
INT. CORRIDOR
Ste notices Yohn and freezes. Yohn's eyes widen, his gun still targets Ste's forehead.
A ping is heard and the elevator door slides open.
Yohn swivels with panic in his eyes and aims his weapon at the elevator.
Dana walks from the elevator and stops at the sight of Yohn.
She looks him up and down.
Yohn starts to sweat, he glanecs back to Ste.
STE (nervously) you wanna play cards.
Dana holds out her hand with the crystal sat in her palm.
Yohn turns back to her and stares intently at the crystal, it starts to pulse and glow. He is transfixed.
Dana throws the crystal into the air, Yohn's eyes follow, as do Ste's.
She raises the crude stake and rushes Yohn.
INT. MEDICAL CENTRE
Alffy stands with his back to the door, his trousers lowered slightly exposing the top of his bum cheeks. His hand is stuffed deep inside the front of his slacks and he rubs with speed, his head tilted back. He moans with pleasure.
Patrick enters and is startled by Alffy's actions. He coughs to gain his attention.
Alffy freezes and slowly turns, Patrick covers his eyes.
PATRICK Don't turn round.
ALFFY No, it's not what you think.
Alffy pulls his hand from his trousers, it's covered in white cream. He holds a large opened tub in the other.
ALFFY I got the lurgy man, my nuts are falling off.
Patrick lowers his hand.
PATRICK Where's Ste and the others?
ALFFY He was here, dunno bout everyone else.
PATRICK Was, where he'd go?
ALFFY I dunno know, but I think there's somet wwrong with him?
Patrick looks at Alffy's creamed up hand and raises his eyebrows.
PATRICK What about you, is it contagious?
ALFFY No, as long as you don't get funny with me.
Patrick turns and heads out
PATRICK (O.S) Right, whatever you say.
ALFFY I telling you, I'm fine.
Alffy pulls up his trousers and heads for the door. His eyes flicker orange then red before returning to his natural green.
ALFFY Wait up.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Yohn cannot react quickly enough and Dana is soon on top of him. She plunges her stake into his chest and emits a chilling SCREAM.
In his panic Yohn discharges his pistol. BLAM! the bullet hits Ste in his crotch....
... and ricochets off of his cowboy size belt buckle only to smash straight into Sandra's crystal.
THE VOICE OF SANDRA Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
The Crystal goes mental for a second, flashing lights and alarms before imploding and disappearing into thin air with a POOF!
Yohn is lying on the ground, the stake buried in his chest. He does not move a muscle.
DANA I knew it! I bloody knew it! Dirty little bloodsucker.
STE Balls to this, I am going for a drink.
Ste turns around and stomps off in the direction of the bar.
Dana takes one last look at Yohn, and turns towards Ste.
DANA Wait up! Mind if I tag along?
STE Suit yourself, But be warned, I'm getting wasted.
DANA I like the sound of that.
Both Ste and Dana both disappear around the corner, the bar awaits.
INT. CORRIDOR - OUTSIDE THE MEDICAL CENTRE
Patrick exits the medical centre, his hands in his pockets. He shuffles slowly along the corridor, his head down. Alffy is only a few feet behind him.
ALFFY Muph, wait up!
Patrick stops and turns his head.
PATRICK You fancy a drink?
ALFFY Do I ever.
PATRICK Meet me in the bar, I am just going to find Sandra. (shakes head) I had the strangest dream, I want to check she is okay.
ALFFY (unsure) Err, she is not there.
PATRICK Excuse me?
ALFFY I mean, I saw her a few minutes ago heading towards the bar, she was looking for you.
PATRICK Well it's a stroke of luck I found you then ain't it?
Alffy smiles uncertainly.
Patrick's has a large grin on his face which seems to relax Alffy a bit. He takes a hand from his pocket and throws his arm around Alffy's shoulders, hugging him like a brother.
PATRICK You know I was sleeping with her don't you? (beat) Or should I say I was before you put paid to my get rich plan.
Patrick's other hand comes out of his pocket, it contains a surgical scalpel lifted from the medical centre.
Before Alffy can react the scalpel is embedded in his crab riddled crotch and his blood spurts across the wall.
PATRICK Scratch that you little shit.
In case you were wondering, of course Alffy now SCREAMS in pain.
ALFFY (Gasping for breath) How did you know?
PATRICK I saw Cornetto's tracker, I know where you have been. I found her body in her room.
ALFFY Tracker?
PATRICK Not important. The point is I knew.
ALFFY It was an accident, I swear.
Patrick thinks this over for a second. Does he believe him?
PATRICK Swear on this.
Patrick pulls the scalpel from Alffy's blooded crotch and drives it into his left eye socket. Alffy again SCREAMS in agony, blood turning the corridor bright crimson. Alffy lets out a dying GASP and falls to the floor in a heap.
PATRICK That was for Sandra, you murdering little bastard.
Patrick wipes his bloody hands on Alffy's shirt. He gives Alffy a firm kick. No response.
PATRICK Right, now for that drink.
INT. CORRIDOR
Cornetto, still naked, rounds the corridor and finds Yohn on the ground in front of him, the stake sticking out from his chest.
CORNETTO Jesus Christ!
He kneels down next to Yohn, and for a second stares at the fake moustache that sits upside down on Yohn's face. Cornetto turns it the right way up before peeling back Yohn's jacket to inspect the damage.
The stake is buried deep in Yohn's tape recorder.
Yohn opens an eye.
YOHN I think it missed.
Cornetto slowly helps Yohn up to his feet.
CORNETTO What happened?
YOHN That bitch Orange, You know I think she thinks I am a vampire. Can you believe that?
Cornetto gives Yohn a strange look.
CORNETTO Here, Let me have the gun.
YOHN Not a chance, I need to find Ripley and quick. Before he kills someone else.
CORNETTO Ripley?
YOHN Yes. He is our murderer, but he has disappeared.
CORNETTO Give me the gun and I will let you use my tracker to find him. Deal?
YOHN Your tracker?
CORNETTO Yeah, my tracker. Everyone on board has a keyard on them, inside is an RFID chip. There are readers installed in every doorway on the ship. I know where everybody is at anyone time.
YOHN Get the fuck out of here!
CORNETTO I promise it's true.
YOHN So where is it?
Cornetto gestures towards the gun. Yohn reluctantly gives it up.
CORNETTO Murphy had it last, I think it is in the bar.
YOHN Come on then, what are we waiting for?
Yohn turns and heads towards the bar. Cornetto, butt naked and gun in hand follows.
INT. ANOTHER SECTION OF CORRIDOR
Bush makes his own way towards the bar, he stops suddenly. Laying on the floor in front of him is what looks like T. Joe.
T. JOE is fast asleep.
BUSH (shaking him) Wake up man, you can't sleep here.
T. JOE murmurs, Bush slaps him across the face. This wakes him up.
T. JOE FUCK OFF!!
Bush gives him a shove back to the floor, gets back to his feet and starts to walk away.
BUSH Screw you then buddy, I was only trying to help.
T. Joe climbs up to his feet.
T. JOE Hey, wait up, I am sorry. You just shocked me that's all.
BUSH What were you doing?
T. JOE I suffer from narcolepsy, sometimes I fall asleep anywhere and nobody sees me for days. It can be a real bitch sometimes.
Bush relaxed his stance, less aggressive, changes tone.
BUSH I bet, Jesus. Sorry man that does sound a bitch.
T. JOE Thanks, I am sorry for cursing at you.
BUSH Forget it. Hey I was just headed for the bar, you look like you could do with one yourself. You gonna join me?
T. JOE Sure, thanks. You know I think that might have been where I was headed anyway.
Both men laugh at this and march together, towards the bar.
It seems now that everybody is one their way to the bar.
Nearly everybody anyway....
INT. CABIN 402
Zadora is naked (again). So is Morgan's corpse. Blood is splattered everywhere, it looks like a strangely erotic and twisted feast has only just recently been completed.
She sits on the bed and stares at the door, she licks her ruby lips.
ZADORA Dana dear, where are you? I am waiting.....
The red light is on. The photos on the wall are covered in blood but Nic’s body is nowhere to be found.
The bursts open, Dana enters.
ORANGE Not here, for fuck sake.
She looks around the room and realizes the body isn’t where it should be.
ORANGE Better get out of here.
She tries to open the door, but it’s locked. She tries it several times, but with no result.
Orange starts screaming.
ORANGE Help… Help… Help
Nothing.
Orange walks around the room. She glances at the photos horrified. Dead kids, dead boys, dead girls. Everything is dead.
Orange spots something. The place where Nic had told her that is reserved for her, has a photo. Dana leans forward to check it.
ORANGE What the—
The photo shows Dana with a knife. She’s on her feet, lying down on the floor is Gabriel. He’s dead.
Dana slowly moves backwards, she tries to open the door but it’s still locked. No success.
Suddenly the door opens. Gabriel comes in.
GABRIEL Dana?
ORANGE Gab—
They look into each other’s eyes. Gabriel moves toward Dana.
GABRIEL I heard you screaming. What’s happening here?
Dana thinks it over before coming to a conclusion.
ORANGE Nothing. I just got locked here.
Gabriel walks around the room. The photos on the wall have his attention. He checks them out one by one.
GABRIEL My God – what a psycho.
Dana comes near Gabriel, she looks at the photo of her – but it has changed. Dana is shocked.
The photo depicts Nic in a black suit with a grey background. Nic keeps his hands behind. Dana moves around and she notices that the eyes of photo move as she does. She moves again, the eyes do the same.
Gabriel doesn’t witness at the scene. He is searching inside the drawers. Nic’s camera is there.
GABRIEL Look what I found here.
Dana walks near him, but the eyes of Nic on the photo won’t stop following her. She doesn’t respond to Gabriel and comes near the photo to analyze it better.
Nic looks small in the photo but he looks so alive. Dana stares at him blankly with AM-I-DREAMING? Look on her face.
Nic winks at her.
Dana screams.
Gabriel turns in her direction.
GABRIEL What is it?
No word comes out of Dana’s mouth. Gabriel watches her then follows Dana’s sight.
GABRIEL’S POV
The photo doesn’t show Nic, but Dana and Gabriel at the altar putting each other’s the ring.
Gabriel smiles at himself, he eventually likes what the photo shows.
GABRIEL When did he do this?
Pause.
GABRIEL I mean how he did it.
DANA’S POV
Nic is in the photo smiling at Dana.
ORANGE I don’t know. Let’s get out of here please.
Gabriel screams like a girl. Dana looks at him for the first time.
GABRIEL What’s he doing there?
ORANGE Who?
GABRIEL (pointing at the photo) Nic.
GABRIEL’S POV
The photo is the same as before, Gabriel and Dana putting the rings. Behind them is Nic dressed like a priest.
Gabriel grabs the photo and searches for his lighter. He takes out of his pocket and burns the photo.
GABRIEL Did you see that? How the fuck did get in there?
Dana shakes her not knowing anything.
GABRIEL Let’s get out this room.
Gabriel and Dana move to the door, Gabriel tries to open it but it’s locked. He uses all his force but the just won’t open. Gabriel gets angry; he goes around smashing things, throwing the photos down from their place.
Dana watches him without opening her mouth. She’s afraid to talk to him.
LATER Dana and Gabriel look at each other in silence. Dana rests on the right corner of the room while Gabriel on the left corner.
The photos that Nic has made spread on the floor.
GABRIEL Did you see the photo?
Dana nods.
GABRIEL I wish that day comes soon.
Dana stares at him, not sure of what he’s saying.
ORANGE What do you mean?
GABRIEL I mean the day – we get married.
Dana is surprised.
ORANGE Married?
GABRIEL Yes.
ORANGE But Gabriel I’m already married.
GABRIEL What?
ORANGE I’m married.
GABRIEL You never told me – you were married.
ORANGE (pissed) Why should I have to tell you?
Silence. Dana and Gabriel observe each other from the corner.
GABRIEL Who’s your husband?
Dana doesn’t answer at his question. She grabs Nic’s camera and analyzes it.
GABRIEL Leave the fucking camera and tell me who your husband is.
Obviously Dana doesn’t want to answer to that question. She puts the eye into the viewfinder of the camera.
CAMERA POV
The room is in black and white. The wide lens of the camera deforms the corners of the frame. Dana moves the view to Gabriel who looks angrier than before.
GABRIEL Put that camera down. Dana? Answer me.
Without taking her eye from the viewfinder Dana responds –
ORANGE It doesn’t matter who he is.
GABRIEL Yes it does.
ORANGE Gabriel please. You’re talking no sense. I’m not going to marry you for God’s sake.
Gabriel is in frame; Dana puts the focus on his face.
ORANGE C’mon smile for the camera.
GABRIEL FUCK OFF—
He shows his middle finger at her. Dana presses the button – BAM
A bullet crosses Gabriel’s head, dead. He is in the same position as before, from the hole in his head blood starts coming out.
He falls down.
Dana screams.
She smashes the camera and goes to the door and this time the door opens. She goes out and closes the door behind her.
INT. CORRIDOR
VOICE (O.S) Here she is.
Footsteps coming toward Dana. She notices it. Looks at the person coming toward her, screaming she tries to open the door of Nic’s cabin but it’s closed.
Yohn and Cornetto make their way towards the bar. Yohn has given Cornetto his pants, which are several sizes too small.
YOHN (Singing) Cornetto, and Yohn! The crime busters of the seeeea! Cornetto, and Yohn! They’ll solve any mys-te-ry!
CORNETTO Quit it!
YOHN C’mon… it’s our theme song!
CORNETTO This is serious you ass clown! My ship is running wild with murderers, vampires, and who knows what else.
YOHN Ghosts.
CORNETTO Ghosts?
YOHN Some woman in the elevator, she gave me this broken nose, and then ran away.
CORNETTO Must’ve been your charm!
YOHN Ha ha… anyway, I go back to my room and next thing I know, this chick is astral projecting all over my shizz and I bust a leak in my pants!
Cornetto looks down at Yohn’s pants, which he now wears.
CORNETTO That explains the stain…
YOHN She mumbled something about some fabric… probably wanted a dress or something, you know women!
CORNETTO I’ve docked my vessel in many a port lad, so yes I do know women, many women. You on the other hand, look like you’ve never even set sail!
Yohn takes great offence.
YOHN What?! Hey listen here tubbo, this is the 80’s and I’m down with the ladies, ya dig!
CORNETTO It’s 2008… though your moustache does look like something from the 80’s now that you mention it.
YOHN It’s a figure of speech. This moustache is fake anyhow, all part of my expertly crafted disguise to infiltrate your ship and apprehend Ripley. Just like Magnum P.I.
CORNETTO Columbo more like!
YOHN You my friend just lost a chance to be my sidekick. You could’ve been like that old English guy, who was like Magnum’s annoying friend, but didn’t really do a lot, ‘cept drink tea and complain… yeah, that could’ve been you, mister! You just missed out on a lot of tea drinking!
CORNETTO Oh boo-hoo! Put a sock in it will ya.
YOHN (Under breath) Note to self, take Cornetto out of theme song.
CORNETTO What?!
YOHN What?
Cornetto frowns and keeps moving.
YOHN (Under breath) Do do, doo doo! Do-do do do do-do doo!
Cornetto looks at Yohn with a murderous iglare.
INT. CABIN 402
Dana opens her blurry eyes. She looks around and realises she is tied to a bed.
ORANGE Another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into Dana!
ZADORA (O.S.) They say talking to one self is the first sign of madness.
Dana turns to her left, where Zadora now stands over her.
ORANGE Untie me and let’s fight like -- (Thinks for a moment) women!
Zadora laughs.
ZADORA Quite a different feeling to be the prey instead of the hunter isn’t it, Dana dearest.
ORANGE Wait till I get out of these ropes, then I’ll show you who’s the prey you daylight-dodging b*tch!
ZADORA You know I’ve quite enjoyed our little cat and mouse game over the years, but I’m afraid it’s just not working for me anymore… I think we should we should see other people…
ORANGE What?!
ZADORA It’s not you, it’s me, so please don’t beat yourself up about it.
ORANGE Joke all you want, the fact is I’ve killed many of your kind, and you’re nothing special… even if you do prance around in the nude more than any other vamp I’ve come across. …Nice gluts by the way!
ZADORA Let me ask you something Dana. What do you hate more than anything in the world?
ORANGE Copa-frickin-cobana! Vampires a distant second.
ZADORA Well seeing as I left my Barry Manilow CD in my other cloak, I’ll have to settle for just turning you into a vampire!
Zadora reveals her fangs and clamps them down on Dana’s neck. Dana screams as Zadora drains her blood.
She stops her blood sucking, not wanting to drain Dana completely. She holds out her wrist, then with the fingernails on her other hand, makes a small cut across the veins. Blood drips from the cut into Dana’s open mouth.
Dana tries to spit the blood out, but Zadora places her hand over her mouth and nose, forcing her to swallow.
The fight in Dana’s eyes fade as Zadora’s blood flows through her system, taking her over from the inside. Her body suddenly convulses violently, and then just as suddenly stops.
No heart beat, no pulse, no life, dead.
Zadora watches intently with a sinister smile across her face.
Dana’s eyes reopen, now the same color as Zadora’s. She sits up calmly.
ZADORA Welcome to the other side Dana. How do you feel?
Dana touches her face, and notices her fangs.
ORANGE …Thirsty!
Zadora smiles.
ZADORA Then let’s go and find someone to satisfy that thirst.
Zadora claps her hands. From the doorway of the bathroom emerges a fully naked and blood-soaked vampire Morgan.
ZADORA Say hello to your new sister Morgan. We’re a family now, an unholy trinity, and no one will stop us!
Zadora laughs manically.
INT. BAR
Cornetto and Yohn enter into the bar area. No one else is around.
YOHN What?! This tracker device you gave me is faulty. Ripley isn’t here!
CORNETTO I know dipshit, that’s because it’s a device that only tracks alcohol; and it’s a good thing too because I am far too sober to think straight right now. What say we wet our whistles eh!
Cornetto helps himself to a bottle of vodka.
Yohn notices something.
YOHN I hear voices, coming this way.
Cornetto hears the voices too.
YOHN Duck and cover my sidekick!
The unlikely duo duck behind the bar.
From the west corridor enters T.Joe and Bush.
T.JOE -- And that’s why I can never go back to Memphis!
Bush laughs heartily.
BUSH Great story T Dawg!
T.JOE It’s T.Joe actually.
BUSH Don’t kill my buzz T.Dawg.
Cornetto hears Bush’s voice and is overcome with rage. He dives over the bar and pounces on Bush, tackling him to the floor.
CORNETTO Die you mother f*cker!
He bashes Bush’s head repeatedly into the floor.
T.Joe is shocked, but tries to help Bush by pulling Cornetto off.
T.JOE Cap’n, get off him man, what the hell?!
Yohn stands up.
YOHN Time to shine Yohnson!
Yohn springs into action and dives over the bar, with the intention of tackling T.Joe -- but he misses and instead dives straight past him and into the side of a table, knocking himself out.
Bush grabs hold of a bottle and busts it over Cornetto’s head, knocking him off.
He grabs T.Joe and uses him as a hostage, holding the broken bottle to his throat to scare off Cornetto.
BUSH You and your pantless boyfriend keep the f*ck away from me Cornetto!
Cornetto sits himself upright. He bleeds from the blow to his head.
CORNETTO You killed the only woman that ever truly loved me; the mother of my children; the woman who was my only chance at redemption… brother, you are going down!
Bush threatens T.Joe with the broken bottle.
T.JOE Whoa there mon Capitan! This guy means business!
Cornetto slyly tries to go for Yohn’s gun which he has behind his back.
BUSH Don’t even think about it! Throw the piece over here.
T.Joe winks at Cornetto. Cornetto takes this as a signal and nods.
He throws the gun to Bush, but purposely throws it wide, making Bush lean out to catch it. As he leans out, T.Joe elbows him in the gut, causing him to keel over.
T.Joe grabs the gun and aims it at Bush.
T.JOE Drop the bottle ass wipe!
Cornetto struggles to his feet.
CORNETTO Don’t hesitate just shoot the f*cker!
Bush creeps forward.
T.JOE Don’t make me shoot!
BUSH You don’t have the cajones!
CORNETTO Shooooot!
T.Joe takes aim and is about to shoot when --
SLAM!
T.JOE Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
T.Joe has fallen asleep on the floor. Snoring like a walrus.
CORNETTO Shit!
Cornetto and Bush both look at the gun on the floor beside T.Joe.
Cornetto takes the biggest flying leap you've ever seen- grabs the gun and points at Bush:
Cornetto I win!
But suddenly he FALLS THROUGH the floor.
To:
INT. TANK DECK- ENGINE ROOM 104
Lying in a heap of plasma, he watches, secretly, inquisitive:
Gabriel in this dark forbidden place: an old soul, with eyes even more ancient than Zadora’s.
He’s cloaked in purple and gold vestments so fine you might swear he's a living tapestry- despite his many deaths.
He stares- his black scarf flaps in a strange wind that swirls around him snake-like- like the caduceus he holds, pulsating with life and he points it at the dream engine:
No ordinary engine- a galaxy swirls as a great magical veil in a cerulean blue that labors to birth color and form. Its serpentine coils twine eternal.
Nebulous dream phantoms of the cast enter and exit this cosmic concoction hidden inside the depths of the ship.
GABRIEL I, Gabriel, who knows the eternal game of life and death...
He pulls the caduceus back as a telephone to his ear.
BANK TELLER VOICE Please enter your 13 digit access card number now.
Gabriel scrunches his nose, then raises his eyebrows- gives a compliant shrug and tap-tap-tap... on the caduceus.
BANK TELLER VOICE For account enquiries, bill payments transfers and other day-to-day banking, press 1, (WTF look).. for credit- including new applications and mortgage renewals press 2...
GABRIEL What the hell?
He unscrews the top and it squirts him in the eye.
GABRIEL I gotta get a new one of these.
He reattaches it- enters proudly into The Eternal!
After the swirling veil:
We stand with him upon a great cliff so high! An acrophobiac’s nightmare: To leap-
GABRIEL Oh Gooooood!!!!
Down down... To:
INT. (NIC'S) THE ROOM
GABRIEL- FALLING- into one of the pictures next to NIC: HANGING over a cliff face.
Nic, the priest's HANDS ARE FROZEN AROUND A ROPE.
After Gabriel falls into the picture next to him, also clinging for dear life/death:
GABRIEL How’s it hangin’ Nic?
NIC Well, at least I made the jump, but damn I hate this fall shit. I don’t know how Lucifer does it?
GABRIEL Kind of like Chris Angel on steroids- Karma’s bad ass I know... but there’s a bright side- I met with The Elders and there be rumors flying we might get reinstated to play A side again.
NIC I really do need a break from killing. What’s the catch?
GABRIEL Well, the dream generator’s been whacked out with nightmares because Bert’s been messing with the natural order of things in his experiments.
NIC But he’s dead.
GABRIEL Well we are too, but I don’t see him hangin’ out in limbo here, do you?
NIC Come to think of it...
GABRIEL And all the shit that’s happening on the ship again... Ghosts and clones and Vampires.
NIC Can only mean one thing.
GABRIEL He’s inside it.
NIC But wait, we’re inside it.
GABRIEL We’ve fallen. He’s figured out a way to- (floating fingers)
NIC Crawl? Spiderman?
Gabriel blows.
GABRIEL Rise, you corkscrew!
NIC (illuminated) Ahhh! Like ascend. (flaps hands like wings) Bert an angel? You gotta be purified, you gotta experience things- shit like we go through.
GABRIEL Somehow, he’s broken some kind of God code. Sandra opened the dream generator and Bert must have high-jacked the code.
NIC But I thought Bert was on our side?
GABRIEL Haven’t you figured it out yet? A side- B side- We play the side the Elders tell us to play. Maybe that’s what Bert’s figured out.
Nic looks like he’s trying to solve a calculus equation.
GABRIEL If good and bad are right and left, then I think in the middle, you might find the God code.
NIC Bert wants to meet God!!! Man! I’ve been wanting to meet with the Big Boss for ages!
GABRIEL Wait, where the hell is Sandra?
HOLY CATHOLIC DAVINCI CODE MUSIC PLAYS
O.S. Sandra Up here!
NIC What the hell are you doing up there?!
O.S. SANDRA Bush showed me some of his old Olympic videos- had the compulsion to ski down this sucker. I really hate heights and jumping off all these cliffs really makes me queasy.
GABRIEL Shh... Someone’s coming.
NIC Don’t worry, I’ve turned the visuals off. The only one that can see us is the audience.
Nic and Gabriel wave at us.
INT. (NIC’S) THE ROOM Like before, horrific pictures sweeten the walls with the deadly side of reality. The room steams with the same gruesome red light as before.
"A" Cornetto fidgets with something in his pocket.
He pulls it out: a package of WOODEN SWEDISH MATCHES- a fiery picture reminiscent of Dante’s “The Inferno” on its face.
He strikes one up and lights a candle on a small table.
The candle illuminates the area, golden- revealing:
Nic himself, captured photographically:
Nic alive, smiling- full of vice and vigor.
Nic dead, headless, shot to shit.
Cornetto’s face is cold, dark, but then, a sympathy washes over him. His eyes gain a glossy wetness as tears enter the surface of his world.
Alas, a ticking sound, clock-like.
Cornetto turns. It’s on Nic’s bed. THE STAR BOOK: Black with intricate spidery webs spinning like wheels on its surface.
As Cornetto approaches, the ticking sound amplifies and becomes grating- saw-like nasty voices.
Cornetto grabs at his ears. He collapses down to the ground; we fall with him, crashing, loud and painfully until the sound STOPS, abruptly.
A lucid dreaming moment: in some kind of black sea and then:
Cornetto’s form lies limp. He twitches, conscious again.
Above him stands Nic’s ethereal form.
NIC Now you know what it’s like to hear the voices.
CORNETTO Now I know I should've went to law school.
He lunges over to the STAR BOOK, silent now.
CORNETTO Do I dare open it?
But first, he kneels at Nic’s bedside, like a child, praying “Now I lay me down...”
CORNETTO Why is this happening? A broken soul smashed to hell!
FLASH BACK - REGRESSION THERAPY ROOM - OFF MED CENTER
Uber eerie Voodo masks plaster the walls.
Cornetto seizes up, frightfully ROARING like a lion.
Bert stands over him.
BERT Who’s responsible for the Romero disaster? His name!
Dana stands alone, facing a basketball hoop. Her eyes are combed over in darkness and her breathing is heavy. She just stands there in silence, staring out into nothing. Suddenly she comes to and looks around, the brown fading back into her eyes. She looks around scared and confused.
ORANGE Wha-what? How...
The door to the gymnasium opens and in comes PATRICK.
PATRICK Oh sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here. I just saw the lights were on and-
She turns around to him, still confused about how she got into the gymnasium. Patrick notices the look on her face.
PATRICK you okay?
ORANGE I- I don't remember how I got here.
Patrick chuckles. He approaches her.
PATRICK Don't feel bad, it is a rather large boat. I've gotten lost once or twice tonight.
Orange nods.
ORANGE Yeah...
PATRICK That wasn't what you meant was it?
She shakes her head and laughs.
ORANGE Not even close.
Patrick stops directly in front of her and looks into her eyes. He reaches out and caresses her face.
PATRICK Has anyone told you how beautiful you are lately?
ORANGE Two people in fact.
PATRICK Oh? and where are they now?
Orange doesnt answer. Patrick looks at her oddly and shifts uncomfortably on his feet.
PATRICK Maybe you can tell me about it over a drink?
Orange reaches into her jacket for...She pauses. She looks down and then turns to look around the gymnasium.
ORANGE Have you seen my jacket?
Patrick looks around and then turns back to Orange.
PATRICK When was the last place you saw it?
ORANGE I don't remember.
PATRICK It's been one of THOSE nights, huh? Well, what about that drink? Of course, not saying that alcohol can fix everything, but-
Patrick turns his head towards the door, revealing his neck. Orange eyes it as almost an instinct. Patrick's voice begins to fade out slowly and all she can hear is the sound of his heart beating and his blood flowing through his veins.
She looks back up at him to see he is looking away, still talking. She looks back to his neck, the giant vein beneath his skin seems to pulsate, calling and tempting her. Dana blacks out, quite literally, as her eyes roll back into her head momentarily only to come back dark as the night.
PATRICK'S POV
Patrick stares at the gymnasium doors.
PATRICK But yeah, we better get out of here soon and get back to the crowd. Weird things are happening on this boat. Weird things in-
He turns to Dana to see her eyes are completely black and fangs have protruded from her mouth. His eyes go wide and his hearts stops momentarily She hisses at him and SPRINGS onto his neck, sinking her fangs into his jugular.
He lets out a blood curdling scream as he slowly is pushed to the ground with Dana's inhuman strength as she sucks every drop of blood from his body.
CAMERA POV
When she is done, she POPS her fangs out from his neck, sending his body completely collapsing to the floor. She stands there for a moment, staring down at his body before, without any warning, she BOLTS towards the gymnasium doors and SLAMS into them. They swing open and she exits, leaving Patrick's Blood drained corpse on the gymnasium floor.
INT. CABIN 402 Zadora paces in her cabin. She smells the air and turns to the door to see shadows passing beneath it. A wicked smile comes to her face as she heads for the door. She steps on something.
She looks down to see Dana's olive jacket almost hidden beneath the bed as if it accidently had fallen. She leans down and picks it up. She sniffs it. A white piece of paper on the side of the jacket catches her eyes and she opens the jacket up.
She reaches into the inside pocket of the jacket and pulls out a small polaroid photo. She looks at it and her eyes widen. There, on the photo, is an image of Zadora looking much more...alive.
She is smiling with her arm around a young girl around the age of seven. The young girl is wearing the olive jacket that looks a little to big for her and she is also smiling as wide as she can.
Zadora looks confused. She goes to put the picture back when she notices a small white tag inside the hidden pocket. There, in hand sewn black thread, is the name Zadora. Zadora drops the jacket and moves away from it.
ZADORA No...
In one full sweep, memories buried long ago by the lust for blood come rushing back to Zadora.
INT. CELLAR-NIGHT
Zadora sits holding onto a young Dana Orange, known then as Johanna, in the cellar of their house. Two puncture wounds are visible on her neck, oozing with blood. Dana is crying and Zadora's eyes are planted on the stairway leading up to the first floor. Ghastly screams can be heard as well as shuffeling and loud, ungodly hisses. Dana turns to Zadora.
DANA Mommy, what's going on?
ZADORA (whispering) Shh, they'll hear us.
A loud THUD is heard on the floor until all is silent. Zadora turns to Dana and smiles.
ZADORA (whispering) Mommy will be right back okay? I'm just going to make sure daddy is okay.
Zadora takes off her jacket and wraps it around Dana.
ZADORA (CONTINUED) You stay here and don't come up until mommy says it is okay, alright?
Dana nods. Zadora kisses her on the forehead and stands up.
ZADORA Mommy loves you.
Zadora slowly climbs the steps towards the first floor door. A bright light shines from beneath it. She stares down past the stairwell to see Dana's scared brown eyes staring back up at her. She continues up the steps until she can't see Dana anymore then turns to the door. She turns the doorknob and the door opens wide into a bright shining light.
INT. BAR
DANA'S POV
Ste shines a light into Dana's open eyes. Bush and Yohn stand over her.
BUSH'S POV
She looks at them suspiciously.
ORANGE This isn't going to turn into one of those lifetime movie specials is it?
DANA'S POV
Bush turns to Yohn.
YOHN Don't look at me like that, you're the one that moved.
BUSH Let's just help her up okay?
CAMERA'S POV
Bush and Yohn help Dana up onto her feet. She rubs her head. Orange turns to Yohn.
ORANGE You're not dead...
YOHN And you owe me a tape recorder.
ORANGE What happened?
STE (O.C.) You charged bush from behind...
They all turn to Ste, who sits behind them at the bar, sipping on whiskey. Yohn chuckles.
YOHN That's what she said.
STE (continuing) He moved out of the way before you got to him and you nearly fell into that hole.
DANA What hole?
Bush moves out of Dana's direct line of sight and points to the big hole in the floor.
BUSH That hole.
Dana peeps down into the hole to see Cornetto rolling around on the floor with his eyes closed.
ORANGE what is he doing down there?
BUSH Beats me.
YOHN Looks like he's tripping on acid.
Orange rubs her head and walks over to the bar to have a seat. Ste looks at her.
STE You okay?
ORANGE Yeah, I just...I just keep blacking out.
STE Yeah? What's the last thing you remember.
Orange thinks.
ORANGE You and I were heading for the bar
Ste nods.
STE Weird.
Ste notices the marks on her neck that are starting to turn purple and bruise He tilts his head curiously.
STE Looks like you got bit.
ORANGE what?
Orange takes a metallic ash try from nearby and holds it up like a mirror. She looks at the bites and her eyes go wide. She pauses momentarily before she angrily SLAMS the ash try down onto the bar with a force so great that it leaves a dent in the now permanantly warped wood of the bar. Bush, Yohn and Ste all look at her oddly.
BUSH This is way too fucked up! What the Hell is going on?
Orange glares back at him, her eyes changing color to obsidian black. She stands up, wobbles away from the bar like a puppet on a string. Her movements are strained…and odd.
All eyes follow her.
STE This ain’t good mates.
Ste stands up, a nervous look in his eyes. Yohn’s also at full attention as he backs away from Orange. T Joe is still fast asleep on the floor.
BUSH I don’t know what’s going on here or who to trust, but I do know one thing…
STE Yeah? What’s that, mate?
BUSH The only fucking vampires I like hangin’ with are dead fucking vampires!
Orange lashes out at Bush, fangs bared. He moves quickly, avoids Orange’s clumsy charge. He grabs the flattened ashtray off the bar, and in one spinning motion, slices Orange’s throat wide open. Deep red blood shoots out like a geyser, as she falls backward.
Yohn covers his face and spins around.
YOHN Holy fuck!
Ste’s eyes go wide, as he drops his glass in shock.
Bush’s knee goes out again and he falls backward, against the bar.
The blood geyser hits Yohn in the back. It quickly vaporizes his shirt and burns into his skin. He shrieks in pain, pulling at what’s left of his tattered shirt.
Bush rights himself, grabs the bottle of Wild Turkey and douses Yohn’s back.
STE No! Not my last bottle of Turkey!
BUSH What did I tell you about drinking that shit? Don’t worry, when this is over, I’ll make you the best martini you’ve ever tasted. Trust me, it’s time for a change my friend…come over to the light!
T Joe stands up…stretches…looks around.
T JOE What the…
BUSH T Dawg! Glad you joined us, brother. We need you. Quick, get Yohn’s clothes off and throw him into the pool. Be fast, man!
Ste seems frozen in place, staring down at Orange’s convulsing body in a pool of bubbling blood.
STE What abut her? Is she…dead?
BUSH I doubt it; don’t we need to ram a stake through her heart or something?
They both look around the room for anything that might do the job. T Joe strips off Yohn’s clothes and helps him up.
A faint ray of sunlight peeks in through the wall to ceiling glass. Bush’s eyes light up.
BUSH Ste, let’s get her outside in the sunlight, and dump her blood sucking ass in the ocean. C’mon.
Ste comes out from behind the bar…slowly…eyes on Orange.
STE I don’t want that acid-shit on me, mate. No fucking way…it’ll eat right through us.
BUSH Yeah…you’re right. Let’s take off our clothes and we can kinda wrap up her neck for protection.
Ste looks uneasy.
STE Huh?
Bush strips off his clothes, wraps them around Orange’s neck and abdomen.
BUSH Jesus Christ, man, no time to be bashful. Let’s go. She could come to any second. Get ‘em off and around her.
T Joe leaves with Yohn in tow, as Ste begins taking off his clothes.
Bush stands up, butt naked. Ste’s eyes drop down to Bush’s crotch.
STE Damn…you Yanks really pack a wallop, huh?
BUSH Don’t even tell me you’re…
STE No, no…definitely not…just kind of…hard…not to notice, mate.
BUSH Well, truth be told, I froze my nads in the avalanche that killed my ex-wife…and needed some reconstructive surgery. So I figured, why not go big? Ya know?
STE I see…
Bush and Ste, both buck naked and magnificent, carry Orange out of the bar area, toward the exit.
EXT. DECK
With a heave, they throw Orange overboard, into the strangely still water below.
She hits and slowly disappears from sight.
BUSH C’mon, let’s get up to the upper deck and see if Yohn’s OK.
STE I’ll tell you what, mate, in my wildest fucking dreams, I never thought I’d be running around butt naked with a martini sippin’ Yank on this cruise. What a time to run out of Wild Turkey…
EXT. OCEAN
Ripples form on the water as Orange sinks out of sight. The still water starts to churn, and a dorsal fin, followed by a massive crescent shaped tail break the surface.
The water bubbles and foams, turning crimson in the early morning light.
EXT. UPPER DECK – JACUZZI AREA
Yohn and T Joe, both sit in the Jacuzzi, butt-ass naked.
T JOE How ya doin’ Yohn? Are you gonna make it?
Yohn has a pained look on his face.
YOHN Yeah, I think I’m OK. I owe you, man. You’re a life saver alright.
Bush and Ste (still magnificently naked)) approach from the stairway. They both seem strangely at ease.
T JOE Everything go OK guys? Is she dead?
STE I sure hope so. We tossed her ass overboard.
BUSH You two look comfortable. Mind if we join you? How’s Yohn doing?
Ste looks unsure.
STE Speak for yourself, mate. No sausage fests for me, thank you. We gotta figure out where everyone else is, and get some help.
YOHN I’m OK guys. My back’s a bit hot, but I think I’ll make it.
Bush’s eyes go wide. He grabs Ste and jumps back.
BUSH Look out! Get out of the pool…
T Joe turns to see a fifteen foot Mako shark jump clear out of the water. It lands on the deck, a few feet from the Jacuzzi. Its bloody maw filled with wicked dagger-like teeth doesn’t look quite right…something is wrong. Its front teeth are wildly elongated, and the mouth itself is much bigger than it should be, almost resembling the impossible grin of a rotting Jack O Lantern.
T JOE What the…
T Joe jumps from the pool, landing in a pile on the decking. He scrambles to right himself and get away.
Yohn isn’t as quick to react. The vampire shark lunges, using its great tail to propel it forward, teeth gnashing together so furiously, sparks actually fly out. A human arm is expelled in a torrent of blood. It hits Yohn in the head and knocks him down.
Yohn makes a last ditch effort to get away, but slips. The massive shark lunges forward again and grabs Yohn’s head.
CRUNCH! SPLAT!
He’s decapitated in a single bite…blood sprays out like a broken water hydrant, soaking the other three, as they distance themselves from the grisly scene of carnage.
STE And now we have a vampire shark to deal with? Are you fucking kidding me? No more cruises for me, mates!
A loud SCREAM! Bush awakes to see Ste butt naked, two hands covering his front.
STE I'm naked!
Bush notcies he's naked as well.
STE (O.S.) What type of trip is this!? I just wanted to drink and play cards!
Looking to the side, Bush finds the reason.
Zadora sits calmly in a chair, naked.
ZADORA We all came into this world nude. So might as well perish the same way. You killed my daughter. Normally, I will make you eat your own testicales for that,
STE Ahh!
BUSH (getting to a fighting stance) Try it!
ZADORA But I was unaware of my relationship with her. Nevertheless, knowing that knowledge made me realize something: it's not that bad having a family. I want to share my experience with someone.
BUSH You're crazy if you think...
ZADORA Quite on the contrary, one of you will be making out of this fight alive and that person I'm going to retrieve a specimen sample from.
BUSH You don't frighten me.
Zadora holds out T. Joe's severed head.
STE Crap!
BUSH He was narcoleptic. That's nothing!
He moves closer to her.
BUSH Ste.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Ste and Bush groan as they lay amidst piles of empty liquor bottles. Thankfully, white guest towels are now wrapped around their waists.
Ste staggers to his feet. Bottles clink as he sways, looking for balance.
BUSH Where the hell you going?
Ste nods to the Men’s room across the bar.
STE I got a serious code yellow I need to handle.
Bush nods knowingly.
BUSH Ah...got to free Willy, eh?
Ste chuckles as he stumbles forward. He calls back to Bush over his shoulder.
STE Yeah. Got to shake the dew off the ol'...AIEE!
And the besotted Ste steps right into empty air -- as he plunges through the gaping hole in the center of the Saloon floor -- dropping into the Engine Room below.
Bush rushes to the edge. Looks down.
BUSH Hey! You alright?
INT. ENGINE ROOM
Ste staggers to his feet, shaky from the fall.
STE Aye. Nasty tumble, though, mate. Got a right crack on me head.
Still addle-brained, Ste steps over to the mammoth, glowing collection of steel piping and crystal pillars that stand before him like a Byzantine temple -- THE ENGINE -- the pulsating heart of the SS Craven.
STE Weirdest damn urinal I've ever seen.
He burps. Then loosens his towel and begins to relieve himself.
BUSH (O.S.) Hey, Ste! Are you sure that is such a good idea?
As Ste's stream falls upon the engine a tremendous SHOWER OF SPARKS burst forth, followed by the loud WHOOP of an ALARM SIREN and brilliant FLASHING LIGHTS.
Ste begins to tremble as electricity courses through his body. Smoke shoots from his ears. His entire body begins to blacken and char.
Finally, his eyes burst from his skull as he collapses into a crispy, smoldering heap.
INT. SALOON
Bush is aghast. He pulls back from the hole and salutes his fallen comrade.
BUSH Hell of a piss...
He then takes in his own situation -- panicked -- as SMOKE pours from the engine room and distant EXPLOSIONS rock the ship.
BUSH Hmm...I think it's about time for ol' Bushie-boy to exit...stage left!
Bush races for the deck. But then he pauses.
He runs back to the bar and grabs a few bottles of Jägermeister. THEN he runs back to the deck.
But he stops dead in his tracks as he finds that the swirling pyramid -- now GIANT SIZE -- blocks his path.
BUSH You know, I wondered what happened to that thing.
Sandra's voice again emanates from the spinning device.
SANDRA'S VOICE Test concluded. Acquisition sequence begins now. Prepare for uptake!
BUSH Well, that doesn't sound good.
Bush races off in the opposite direction.
EXT. OCEAN - NIGHT
The clouds above the SS Craven begin to roil and swirl -- then they part -- as a MAMMOTH ALIEN SPACESHIP descends from the heavens.
EXT. DECK
Bush bursts onto the deck, buffeted by EXPLOSIONS and assailed by the incessant WAILING of the alarm.
And he is suddenly YANKED INTO THE SKY!
And all that remains is his towel, which flutters softly onto the deck.
EXT. NIGHT SKY
Bush screams as he finds himself trapped in a milky, white tractor beam -- pulled inexorably skyward -- towards a dark opening in the belly of the ship.
INT. ALIEN SHIP
Bush is unceremoniously plopped naked into the sterile confines of a cold metal room.
He stands shivering, and is startled by an ALIEN VOICE that booms from unseen speakers.
ALIEN VOICE (O.S.) The test is concluded. As the sole survivor of the SS Craven, you, Jeff Bush, have been deemed the most fit. And the most worthy.
Bush sucks in his tummy and thrusts out his chest.
BUSH That's me, baby.
A steel door slides open -- and Bush shrinks as a HORRID ALIEN slithers inside.
The alien is a six-foot mound of slimy tentacles that pulsate and glisten. Some of the tentacles are purple, some are green. Broccoli-shaped tumors sprout from random locations.
It speaks through a metal voice box attached to what must be its mouth -- but it looks more like a bubbling bowl of brown porridge.
ALIEN We have been observing your planet for some time. The testing aboard the SS Craven was our final observation, and as the fittest of your species, you have been chosen to accompany us on our fifty-year journey home!
BUSH Fifty years!? What the heck do you need me for?
ALIEN Sexual contact is strictly forbidden amongst our crew. For 100 years we have suffered chaste. But our scans have revealed that your orifices are deemed a suitable surrogate to satisfy all of our alien desires.
The alien begins waving its tentacles wildly.
ALIEN This is a time of great celebration for our kind!
EXT. OCEAN - NIGHT
With a ROAR of powerful engines, the alien ship rises into the night sky -- as the last of the burning wreckage of the SS Craven slowly sinks into the inky black waters of the ocean.
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S.S. Craven – Killer Game
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