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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort  ›  Shiva - Discussion - Rewrite Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Shiva - Discussion - Rewrite  (currently 13426 views)
mcornetto
Posted: December 4th, 2008, 4:17am Report to Moderator
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This thread is for information and discussion of the Shiva - Game.

The Shiva - Game thread is located at http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1228603369/

To find information about locations click here.

Shiva - Discussion Part 1

Shiva - Discussion Part 2

Shiva - Discussion Part 3



Rules and Characters follow.

Revision History (35 edits; 1 reasons shown)
mcornetto  -  February 15th, 2009, 3:44am
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mcornetto
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Storyline:
A virulent airborne form of rabies decimates the human population and leaves the animals mad. Some people band together into tribes to try to survive in this strange new world but they are plagued by visions and dreams of a creature both frightening and comforting at the same time.  It's calling them to it and they have no choice but to obey the call -- no matter how dangerous the journey may be.

Two or three tribes start from a different location: New York (New York), Detroit (Michigan) and/or Ottawa(Canada). They head for a startling climax at Niagara Falls where they meet up with the creature from their dreams: some want to kill it, some want to worship it.  Whoever survives the dangers of the journey will write the ending.

Before we play:
Pick a buddy.  Your buddy will read your scene before you post to verify that you met the challenges and followed the rules.  You will do the same for your buddy.  Probably your buddy should be in the same time zone as you are.

Game Play:
  •      You will get an email saying Shiva – Your turn.  Inside this email will be details including

    • Scene type

    • Approximate location
    •   
    • A challenge provided by the previous author (from your tribe)

    • Special instructions provided by me.

  • After getting the notification of your turn you have 24hrs to acknowledge that you are going to take the turn otherwise your turn will be postponed.
  •   
  • View the track sheet and read at least the previous scene (from your tribe)

  • Write your scene. Be sure to include the challenge and special instructions in your scene.

  • Let your buddy review your work.  You will need to supply them with the scene information I gave you. After they are done commenting make any appropriate changes.

  • Post the scene in the game thread.

  • Send me an email with your challenge for the next person from your tribe.

  • You have 48hrs to complete your turn unless it contains a dream in which case you and Sandra have 72hrs.  If the scene is not posted during this time frame your turn will be postponed.  Note: If people are having trouble making this time frame we will adjust it

  • Optionally post one paragraph to the discussion thread about where you were taking the scene


Scoring:
Winner will be voted for when there are two characters left.  One of these characters will be for Shiva, the other will be against Shiva.  The winner will write the final scene determining the outcome.

Kill:
You have two scenes to write and only one kill to use.  Unlike Killer there isn’t a specific Kill scene and kills will not be scheduled.  It is up to you when you use your kill.  

Kills should be logical and should depend on the environment – like animal attacks, fires, disease, etc. They should be serious – not funny. Another character can kill a character but person to person kills should be unusual in this game.

If a character is killed you should wrap their storyline up as much as possible before or after you kill them.  This should give a feeling of completion to the story.

Only the character of a player that has taken their first turn can be killed.

If you don’t use your kill during your first turn then you must use it the second.  

Reincarnation:
The first two characters killed will be “reincarnated”.  This means the author gets another chance and will create a second character.  This character will be introduced at a later point in the game.

Locations
The locations given to you at the beginning of your turn are meant to keep the characters moving in the right direction – plus it will save you time because you don’t have to determine a route to Niagara Falls.

You do not have to set the entire scene at the given location; you just have to end it at that location.

Tribes
Tribes are a way of keeping track of your storyline.  The tribe names are the starting location of the storylines: New York, Detroit, and Ottawa.  The Ottawa tribe will split into two groups very early in the story.  Each of those groups will join another tribe at a later point.

Challenges:
Challenges allow an author to provide special instructions to the next author.  A challenge is a one sentence directive usually in the form of an action.  

For example if during your turn you have a scene with Charlie and Sam.  Charlie and Sam are arguing about a ring that Charlie is wearing. Both claim ownership.  You leave the scene on a cliff hanger but you intended Sam to get the ring.  You leave a challenge like  “Sam steals the ring from Charlie” or “Charlie gives Sam the ring”.  The next person in your tribe will need to carry out this action.

Challenges should not be posted – they are secret messages that I will pass on to the next author.  

You may not challenge the next author to kill another character.  

Since storylines are isolated in Shiva, Challenges will only apply to authors of the same tribe.

I will not consider your turn over until I receive your challenge.

Special Instructions:
Special instructions are challenges given by me.  Both special instructions and challenges must be met during a turn.

General Scene:
A scene can be no longer than a post, using Word that is approximately 7800 characters including spaces and lines.  

A scene must be formatted as follows:  All text should be left aligned.  Location slugs should be bolded.

You may introduce non player characters during a scene but they must remain in the confines of your scene.  They are peripheral and not part of the story.  

Try not to do too much in your scene.  Keep it simple if possible.

This is a serious story so try not to joke around too much.  Try and keep the tone and genre.  

Try to keep the descriptions of your locations to a minimum.  This is a game and we can look them up if we are interested.

Use the time you have for your turn.  We are aiming for a good story this time around, not necessarily a fast one.  

If a posted scene disrupts the flow of the story it will be deleted.  I hope not to have to use this rule but if I do then the author will have a 24hr opportunity to correct the problem.

Dream:
In order to keep dream scenes consistent and moving toward a goal they will be written by a single person, Sandra.  A dream scene preceding your scene means some event is going to occur and that event will be related to the symbols in the dream.  An event can occur in any scene type.

You aren’t actually interpreting the dream; it will just seem that way on paper.  You will tell Sandra what you intend to do in your scene and she will develop the dream around it.  This should be fun for those reading the scenes and should certainly generate suspense.

Scene Types:
      
Introduction:
In introduction scenes you introduce player characters and you may only introduce player characters in this type of scene unless a special instruction tells you otherwise.

You may also start new story lines in Introduction scenes and you may only start new story lines in this type of scene unless a special instruction tells you otherwise.

Build:
You may only build on existing story lines and player characters in this type of scene.

You may not introduce player characters or start new story lines in this type of scene unless special instructions tell you otherwise.

Wrap-Up:
These are the scenes where open storylines should start to wrap up.

Finale:
This is the final confrontation scene and is written by the winner.  It is the conclusion of the story.

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
mcornetto  -  December 4th, 2008, 3:39pm
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mcornetto
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mcornetto

Colin O'Riely (40s) was a science reporter for a major newspaper when the madness started.  Before he was quite sociable, but now he mostly spends his time talking into his hand-held recorder as if he were trying to find the magic words to make it all go away. But it won't, ever, this new world is here to stay and Colin's wide-staring eyes won't even let him shut it out.


Most of his tribe are wary of him. He's tense and on the verge of a breakdown. If only he could sleep, then he would feel so much better.  But those d*rn dreams keep him awake.  If he could just get rid of those dreams he could feel human again.

Mr. Ripley

Michael B. Webster (17), a high school honor roll student, one year away from becoming a Harvard student and soon realizing his dream of becoming a scientist, is now a absolute nobody. But that's nothing new to him, having sacrificed his social life for work.  

What no one knows is that Michael cheated to get where he is now. He received visions that helped him in the past either by supplying him answers to an exam or informing of surprise quizzes. He has grown to trust his visions. Quite recently his visions have surrounded one animal...a dangerous animal. Now, his new journey is to find this creature and destroy it.

Blakkwolfe

Heidi Winslow. Mid 30's and beautiful (she was married to a rock star in the early 90's), she's a profiteer, plain and simple. If there is a way to make money from people, she will do it- regardless of the human cost. She worked on Wall Street and enjoyed the good life. Heidi feels like she earned her position in life, regardless of the fact that the rules all changed. She wants Shiva killed so that she may go about rebuilding the world to her liking-She hates the new world and wants to take revenge upon it personally. Her challenge (among several) is to learn to value people and friendship over money and material wealth.

Itmightbeorange

Leona Carter, 20, was a student, studying theology at a private university. She kept her heart sealed away and her head buried deep into books. When IT happened, the entire campus was wiped clean in one day and she found herself even more alone. They found her a week later, hiding up in the bell tower of the school�s church ; rosary beads in one hand and a copy of Dante�s Inferno in the other.

Connection with other people in these crazy times have brought out feelings she forgot she had. Now she prays to the owner of her dreams, the ones that keep her awake at night, convinced that a pilgrimage is all she needs to rid her mind of the scourge she calls temptation. And she�ll do anything to get there, even venture out by herself into this new cold and desolate world armed only with her rosary's, a shotgun and an orange backpack filled with ammo

MBCgirl

Samantha Visione (Vis-e-oh-nee), 37, is a natural beauty of French and Italian descent. Growing up, she had a strong connection to her grandmother, the owner of a vineyard in northern Italy.  She spent many of her summers learning about farming and horticulture.

Her mesmerizing eyes are sparking blue (A sharp contrast to her long dark hair) and seem to lock into the deep recesses of your soul.  She has traveled the world as a famous and respected clairvoyant, sought after for her insight into the world beyond our natural sight.  Six months ago her reoccurring dreams led her to the high desert town of Sedona to seek the power of the vortex in order to locate the "Book of Mysteries" and a key that will open the words.

Samantha's dreams started 2 years ago, showing her a world so desolate and lost she could barely comprehend it.  After finding the book, much of it is still a mystery...but the message of her dreams is becoming stronger and clearer.  She is committed to journey to the center of her fear in order to warn those that are left and reveal the truth and deception of the one that calls them all...to the Falls.  

Alffy

Eddy Steiner arrived in the States with a dream of being a movie star but ending up working as waiter. He lost his job after countless warnings about his drug and alcohol binges. His days are now spent smoking his special cigarettes, which he calls 'johnny big smokes'.

He started having strange dreams about large animals taking over the world, but he put them down to his drug taking. Now the dreams have become reality he believes he has a special bond with them and will be safe in any situation...but is he just a wasted fool?

George Willson

Wolf and Timber

A man of the mountains, Wolf decided to forego his name and life when the chaos began and live in the wilderness. He'd already possessed a keen hunting instinct as well as a full beard, so adopting the life wasn't difficult for him. He carries a backpack with everything one would need for survival as well as a hunting rifle with plenty of shells and clips.

Accompanying Wolf is an unusual sight in this new world: a pet Timberwolf that Wolf just calls Timber so their names will compliment each (and he thought it would be silly to call the wolf "wolf"). Timber is completely obedient to Wolf and strangely completely unaffected by the madness that affected his species, just as our survivors are unaffected by the disease.

Wolf doesn't dream (at least not that he can remember), so he's never seen Shiva. He is willing to divulge that he has been on medication for night terrors since he was a small child and in his full backpack, he maintains that medication to prevent those terrors from returning. His main fear is dreaming anything that he could remember, since he was so affected by his childhood traumas. Despite the lack of dreams, he is still inexplicably drawn to Niagra Falls, and it is on the road with that destination in mind that others will find him and his pet.

All he will say is that he came from the Appalachian Mountains and had been traveling North for awhile. He'd had a vehicle for a little bit, but he'd left it shortly before he is discovered. He is very friendly and willing to share his supplies with anyone almost to a fault. He's not stupid by any means, but he can be taken advantage of. But under no circumstances will he allow harm to come to Timber and will defend his companion like a child.

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
mcornetto  -  February 15th, 2009, 3:41am
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mcornetto
Posted: December 4th, 2008, 4:31am Report to Moderator
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ReaperCreeper

CORDELIA (13)

Cordelia is a young girl originating from a small town in Texas. She is smart  and soft-spoken; but occassionally shows an impulsive side. Her entire family was slaughtered by anarchists shortly after the virus hit. She is now holed up in the ruins of a house with a few other people.

Before the virus hit, she suffered from depression because of her neglectful mother. This was followed by dreams in which a terrifying, but beautiful entity repeadetly offered her absolute power over others and a severe punishment for her mother. Cordie denied the offer, stating that happiness was what she desired most, not power or vengeance.  The virus hit the next morning, right after she refused the entity's offer. She is now a shell of the girl she once was, mentally-unbalanced after her family's death. She is now deceptive and uses her soft-spoken and intelligent demeanor to hide her rage and anger. Now the entity is calling to her again, and she will do anything to silence it.

Stebrown

FATHER ROBERT HOLMES (mid 40s) has spent most of his life travelling through Third World countries, spreading the word of God. His faith has stood strong despite the horrors of humanity he's seen. Once the virus hit, Bobby - as he likes to be called - was convinced the apocalypse was upon us.

The dreams started soon after. The dreams that have made him question his faith. This animal that haunts him -- mocks him, must be stopped. For Bobby believes it to be Satan himself, ready to claim his bounty.

George Willson

James Fleming (30's) is the consummate stoic. So little emotion passes from him that he not only approaches everything from an angle of perfect logic, but decided to go into psychology since he would be unaffected by people's continual streams of sob stories. He has a doctorate in clinical psychology as well as the medical degree that he only got to further his career rather than prescribe any medication, a practice he deplores since logic and counseling is cure for all the world's troubles. He is a doctor, but doesn't care if he is addressed as such.

This strength of responding to every situation with cool logic is also his greatest weakness. He doesn't really understand why people act the way they do despite his psychological background. He does enjoy a good laugh and has a very dry but solid wit, but that's about the extent of it. Reaching his heart and forcing a decision based purely on emotion as opposed to logic would be the greatest growth he could experience. The most unlikely things he would see happening would be a young girl getting through that exterior to love, finding the creature and it bringing him happiness/fear, or a combination of both events...

He finds the dreams both intriguing and troubling since such things go against his better judgment. All the same, he is immensely curious (as an intense curiosity practically replaces his emotion) and travels to see about this creature plaguing his sleep. He has no desire to kill anything, and in his mind, he doubts its existence, despite the growing coincidences of other people dreaming of the same thing.

Besides, he's never been to Niagra Falls.

Yohn Yohnson

INNOCENCE, late 20s, a refugee from Nigeria, she came to the US with her young daughter to escape hardships in her homeland.  In the US she fell into the company of men who filled her head with false promises, and as such wound up trapped in a life no better than the one she left behind.  She was used and abused, trapped in a murky world of despair with no other means to provide for her daughter.

On one fateful day, she murdered one of her abusers in self-defence, to protect her daughter.  As a result, she was jailed, and her daughter taken into care.  Innocence had already spent 3 years in a state prison on the day the virus swept across the land.  In the midst of the chaos, she escaped.  Her immediate concern was to find her daughter, but the virus had found her first.

Innocence had all but given up on life, dead inside from the loss of her daughter, but then the dreams started – visions of a creature not of this world, and at its side, her daughter.  Innocence now travels the land with the sole purpose of finding this creature; what will happen when she does, is unknown to her.

GM

Bruce Jarse, early 30's. A nightclub bouncer from Sydney, Australia. Growing up Bruce had only one dream, to be an actor. Having left school and landing a reoccurring role on popular Aussie soap opera "Home and Away" Bruce came very close to achieving his dream. He was starting to get noticed and there was even talk of him being the next Mel Gibson. Unfortunately an episode involving a high speed car chase and a bag of cocaine put paid to that and Bruce saw out his next 2 years from a prison cell.

Bruce arrived in New York last week under tragic circumstances. His younger brother, Hugh, who had been staying in New York was found dead in the lions cage of Central Park zoo. What he was doing there is still a mystery, although housemates say that in the days preceding his death he had been plagued by nightmares of lions.

Bruce's own nightmares began while on the flight to New York, becoming clearer and more defined with every mile. His dreams plagued with visions of destruction and death. Something was urging him to stay in New York, even with his brothers remains loaded on the flight home he could not escape the overwhelming feeling that he was supposed to stay and fight.

Jayrex

Albert (71), who's an animal researcher for the Natural History Museum London, UK.  He's travelled to the USA & Canada to document the wildlife from Lake Eerie to Bird Island.  He loves to discover new wildlife and will do anything to protect and preserve mother nature.

For Albert, he's still living his dream and doesn't ever want to retire.  He's met many wonderful and scary tribes from across the globe.  His latest trip to Lake Eerie, Albert wants to take it easy.  His last expedition wasn't so fruitful after encountering a very protective tribe.

Dreamscale

Jack Stone (35) is a motivational speaker, and real estate mogul.  He graduated from Cornell with a 4.0 GPA, while starting at QB all 4 years.  He is extremely intelligent, a natural leader, and has a way of influencing those around him.

Jack’s wife and 2 young children were killed in a freak car accident in early 2006.  Shortly after, the dreams began…dreams of an impending evil, of utter hopelessness, and something far from human.

Since then, he has travelled the world, searching for the answers to the evil that haunts his very soul.  Jack also continued his speaking engagements, and had quite a following leading up to the day it all went so terribly wrong…the day that “It” finally made its presence known.

Jack’s not about to give up now.

jayrex

Piscivorus

Male (25)

Johnny Bauman, was a police officer in the Niagra Falls PD when things changed.  Then came the reports of the monster in the river, which always seemed shrouded in mist these days.  Some people seemed changed by their experience of seeing the monster, they become unearthly calm. Those changed called it being reborn, those not changed called it being bitten.  Never having seen an actual bite, Johnny thought the claims were hysteria brought about by the collapse of the world as everyone knew it.  But he investigated anyway.

Now Johnny is know only as Piscivorus, which is short for Agkistrodon Piscivorus.  None of what he was, matters.  He has been reborn by the greatest of all. That which he follows. That which has no name but some call Shiva. His part is to scout and return information to the rhumba.  And he has some very important information he must return with, he has found the one.  The one that is both a danger and salvation.


Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
mcornetto  -  February 15th, 2009, 3:39am
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mcornetto
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:51am Report to Moderator
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I move the remainder of this thread to Shiva - Discussion Part 3.

Time to talk about the rewrites.   Here's the rules.  

- Anyone can participate, even if they weren't one of the original authors.

- You must include the names of the original writers as the authors.  Your name goes in Revision By.

- If you make any money off the idea, you are expected to share the wealth with the authors.

- You can work in teams or alone.

- You can make whatever changes you want.  Add, subtract, whatever. You can make it a mini-series.

- You will have a copy of your finished first draft sent to me May 15 2009.

We will then vote on the final drafts presented.

Here are the originals.  Mind you there may be some formatting errors and the rtf file is large.

http://privatekeepout.webs.com/Shiva.fdr --- Final Draft.
http://privatekeepout.webs.com/Shiva.rtf  --- Word or Import into another package
http://privatekeepout.webs.com/Shiva.pdf --- For Julio because he asked.

Good luck.

EDIT:  A special big thanks to George for provided the formatted files!  

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
mcornetto  -  February 16th, 2009, 3:59pm
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jayrex
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 5:49am Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Michael needs to fix the link above, Julio's link is:

http://privatekeepout.webs.com/Shiva.pdf


EDIT FROM MICHAEL: Fixed above link. Thanks J


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ReaperCreeper
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 6:03am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the PDF file.

I dunno about the May 15th deadline (I'll be moving out of my country by then so my schedule is bound to be rattled quite a bit) but I'll try to push out a draft of my own.

--Julio
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Orange
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 12:29pm Report to Moderator
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Sweet. So, what names are we going by? forum names? government names? what what?
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mcornetto
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:10pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Orange
Sweet. So, what names are we going by? forum names? government names? what what?


?????
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Shelton
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:19pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto


?????


I think she means author names on the script.  Your normal name would probably be best, unless you can cash a check made out to "itmightbeorange".



Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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mcornetto
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:26pm Report to Moderator
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Oh, I wouldn't even worry about that until you have a revision.  I'll get you the list of names.
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:29pm Report to Moderator
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So, when you say one can make any changes they want, you're saying that literally anything goes?  Completely redo it?

Are a bunch of people actually going to do this?  Isn't the script like 235 pages at this point?

So we're looking at a 3 month time table?  That's a long time!  What's up with the voting on it thing?  We're picking which rewrite we like the best...and then what?
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mcornetto
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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Anything goes. I would imagine most people would leverage as much of the original as they can.

I have no idea who will or who won't do this.  But it's open to everyone.

We're picking the rewrite we like best and then that is officially Shiva.    
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Orange
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Quoted from Shelton


I think she means author names on the script.  Your normal name would probably be best, unless you can cash a check made out to "itmightbeorange".



if there was money involved, I'd find a way...even if it meant legally changing my name  
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MBCgirl
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:56pm Report to Moderator
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Some things are better left to the imagination!

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Hey Cornetto   I couldn't get to the rtf version so I can import it into Screenwriter. The link said the page was not found.   

HELP!


http://www.myspace.com/mbcgirl  

I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.  

When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.


MBCgirl =)
My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
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mcornetto
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
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http://privatekeepout.webs.com/Shiva.rtf

Try that.  For some reason the automatic linking isn't working correctly in my original post.  It think --- are also part of the url.
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George Willson
Posted: February 15th, 2009, 4:14pm Report to Moderator
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Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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I tweaked the original links by putting in the url tags. Maybe that will help.


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MBCgirl
Posted: February 16th, 2009, 12:24am Report to Moderator
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Some things are better left to the imagination!

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I got it   It copy/pasted fine into Screenwriter.  

Thanks for all the help! *wink


http://www.myspace.com/mbcgirl  

I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.  

When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.


MBCgirl =)
My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
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mcornetto
Posted: February 25th, 2009, 3:38am Report to Moderator
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Just checking in to see how everyone is doing with their rewrites.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: February 28th, 2009, 11:44pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from mcornetto
Just checking in to see how everyone is doing with their rewrites.


We shall see. Right now, I'm working with a different element in all of this. Experimenting right now.

Sandra




A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Orange
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It's coming along very slowly.
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mcornetto
Posted: May 16th, 2009, 5:44pm Report to Moderator
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Just a reminder.  It's after May the 15th which we said was the deadline for the rewrite.  I know there's one being posted. Anyone else post a version?
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: May 17th, 2009, 12:52am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I'd like to finish the "dark version" I'm working with scenes from the game that I especially enjoyed, but I'm not sure yet.

It seems I wanted to try and build on ideas that were inspired with the whole Wolf/Pesco and Cordelia thing and then I started going "weird" and the rest is history in the comedy that I worked on.

Who knows right? I guess anything can happen in Shiva Land.

The difficulty I had was trying to build a scenario where the whole cast could be introduced in a fun kind of way. That was SOOOO hard and I know I broke "the rules" still. The thing I was going for though, was to kind of provide a "portal" from which we could actually enter through and subsequently build up the characters. In that way, I'm kind of thinking more along the lines of television I think.

(It would be interesting to explore the differences between writing for television vs. movie.)

I'm not totally sure about the characters "meat and potatoes" yet, but I just played around. The "boy" who runs the stick going "tick-tick tick" was really an excellent image for me and I started thinking about "who"? This boy might be.

For some reason I imagined him to be Colin's son and that he was put in jeopardy by a force that had a connection to "the virus". Kind of a Twilight Zone vibe is what struck me then. I've been working that connection in one of the serious versions that remains more true to the web-series itself and its tone.

With that in mind, however, I think it would be an interesting challenge to straddle serious and funny together within the structure of the series - if it flies. What sticks in my mind is Buffy The Vampire Slayer and when they did that "musical". It really "broke" the mold completely. And that, to me, is very fascinating to play with because I deal with very sick people in acute care and yet, we still manage to "find funny".

Sandra






A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Orange
Posted: May 19th, 2009, 4:05pm Report to Moderator
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Yes, I'm posting a rewrite...im stuck on teh ending though so...can I possibly post it within the next day or two?

I did my rewrite as a feature film and so, because it is so long, some characters got cut out completely or were rewritten but i tried to keep everyone in the picture but still have the story progress so...thats why the ending is so tough but i should be able to get something out.
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mcornetto
Posted: May 19th, 2009, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
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Cool. Sure. Couple of days wait isn't a problem.  Looking forward to seeing it.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: May 19th, 2009, 6:50pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I'm looking forward to seeing the "dark tale" from you, Dana.   Don't rush.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Orange
Posted: June 1st, 2009, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
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Ugh so.....the ending of this rewrite is killing me! I've been working on it for two weeks now, just the ending and i cant get it down so...yeah. I change my previous answer....it will be a while more until i post it. Especially considering i just moved back home with my parents (yay...no not really) and i have tons of unpacking to do. So....yeah.  Sorry! It's not that I suck with deadlines, this is just a really hard rewrite to make sense of.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: June 1st, 2009, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from Orange
Ugh so.....the ending of this rewrite is killing me! I've been working on it for two weeks now, just the ending and i cant get it down so...yeah. I change my previous answer....it will be a while more until i post it. Especially considering i just moved back home with my parents (yay...no not really) and i have tons of unpacking to do. So....yeah.  Sorry! It's not that I suck with deadlines, this is just a really hard rewrite to make sense of.


No worries Dana. I like the words in your avatar: Currently working on: Life. Is that what Shiva is? Well go figure eh?  

I'm not done in Shiva land either. I'll continue with several versions. And vee shall see vhat vee shall see. Although, I must admit, I am having a hard time not resurrecting the shark from the Killer game. It's not that I like sharks or anything. No actually I do like sharks. Sharks are cool.

Sandra




A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Dreamscale
Posted: June 1st, 2009, 5:49pm Report to Moderator
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Great idea, Sandra!  have that Mako shark jump out of the Falls and eat everyone who is still alive.  Then, a final scene with the lone survivor cutting her way out of its belly...then she smiles and she has the shark's teeth.

Of course, during this finale, "Mack the Knife" has to be playing.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: June 1st, 2009, 8:05pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from Dreamscale
Great idea, Sandra!  have that Mako shark jump out of the Falls and eat everyone who is still alive.  Then, a final scene with the lone survivor cutting her way out of its belly...then she smiles and she has the shark's teeth.

Of course, during this finale, "Mack the Knife" has to be playing.


Jeff, it's getting extremely tempting!!! And we give him a name like... Let's see... how 'bout Mako! Mako the shark will from now on help us to end our stories. If we are lost, then just call on Mako and he'll get the job done fast and right.  

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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