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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort  ›  Shiva - Discussion Part 1 Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Shiva - Discussion Part 1  (currently 7221 views)
Murphy
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 3:19am Report to Moderator
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Cheers Orange, Reaper. I have just had a quick pass to tidy up some of the errors. If you find any please do not hesitate to PM me, if I can fix them it may help anyone else reading. It is weird really being worried about letting everyone else down.
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MBCgirl
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 4:34am Report to Moderator
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Some things are better left to the imagination!

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You did a great job GM...one correction is you mention Bruce has a shotgun,but when you say he shoots ...the "bullet" misses.  Shotguns have shells with lots of BB's in them so it shoots a spray of BB's that usually spread into a "pattern" of a couple of feet, depending on the distance....so you might want to exchange the shotgun for a 30/6 rifle.

Also in details...not sure how long a person can be upside down...that could be something we research and get an answer for.

I too enjoyed Heidi's humor...she is spunky and I smiled at many of her comments.  Again...great job!

~m~  


http://www.myspace.com/mbcgirl  

I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.  

When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.


MBCgirl =)
My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 12:55pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Big LOL!

I think I posted in the game thread again.

Anyways Gm. You did a good job with your scene. It flowed really well.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from ReaperCreeper
lol. xD

I don't know how I could've forgotten to mention this before, but May 17th -- the date in Cordie's dream -- is actually my birthday! lol. Creepy. Sandra, did you do that on-purpose? O_o
--Julio


It must have something to do with the fact that I was feeling your character very strongly and maybe that I was dreaming. LOL

When it came time to choosing a day, I just felt May 17 was right.

Sandra




A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 1:19pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from Murphy
Cheers Orange, Reaper. I have just had a quick pass to tidy up some of the errors. If you find any please do not hesitate to PM me, if I can fix them it may help anyone else reading. It is weird really being worried about letting everyone else down.


It's not weird. It's a wonderful thing!!!

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Murphy
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 5:02pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MBCgirl
You did a great job GM...one correction is you mention Bruce has a shotgun,but when you say he shoots ...the "bullet" misses.  Shotguns have shells with lots of BB's in them so it shoots a spray of BB's that usually spread into a "pattern" of a couple of feet, depending on the distance....so you might want to exchange the shotgun for a 30/6 rifle.


Schoolboy error there I am afraid, that's what you get for not thinking something through properly and rushing. I have changed it to a handgun, thanks for correcting that Morgan.

Cheers.

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George Willson
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 6:29pm Report to Moderator
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It could still be a rifle of some kind if you want. Most rifles have bullets and a longer range than handguns. Shotguns are about the only "gun" weapons with the spreading ammo.

I almost said "only weapons," but then I remembered the claymore mine...


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Orange
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MBCgirl


Also in details...not sure how long a person can be upside down...that could be something we research and get an answer for.



~m~  


Yeah I was thinking about that in when i read it, but it didnt really stick. Hanging upside down like that lends itself to the possibility for a stroke, kidney stones and blood clots and just general badness.

I thought about it again today and it would have made more sense if Maybe if the time were cut down to half an hour . Then her legs would probably be numb (like p[ins and needles numb not like...oh god I'm paralyzed numb) and she were a little loopy from all that blood rushing to the head.  here would be more of a likelihood to find someone upside down in a car, possibly passed out (and that's why he thinks she is dead at first). But the more you bring logic into it the harder it is for her character to have such wonderful lines. But yeah, I was just thinking it would probably be best if she were perhaps not upside down but in the car, maybe she cut herself loose, but she was weak from the windshield cracking on impact and slicing her up pretty badly. So she'd still appear dead because she was weak, but her lines would mostly be the same. yeah....i'm done.

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mcornetto
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 9:17pm Report to Moderator
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I'm happy to see everyone getting critical about the exercise.  I think it shows that everyone is taking it seriously.  Good show all!
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stebrown
Posted: December 29th, 2008, 2:24pm Report to Moderator
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I'm working on my scene now. Doing some research into the locations and I've already had a few reads through our tribe scenes - intreaging cliffhanger there Gabe.

I'll try to have my scene posted if not tonight then definately tomorrow night.


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MBCgirl
Posted: December 29th, 2008, 11:40pm Report to Moderator
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Can hardly wait!   


http://www.myspace.com/mbcgirl  

I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.  

When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.


MBCgirl =)
My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
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MBCgirl
Posted: December 29th, 2008, 11:42pm Report to Moderator
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Some things are better left to the imagination!

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Quoted from Orange


Yeah I was thinking about that in when i read it, but it didnt really stick. Hanging upside down like that lends itself to the possibility for a stroke, kidney stones and blood clots and just general badness.

I thought about it again today and it would have made more sense if Maybe if the time were cut down to half an hour . Then her legs would probably be numb (like p[ins and needles numb not like...oh god I'm paralyzed numb) and she were a little loopy from all that blood rushing to the head.  here would be more of a likelihood to find someone upside down in a car, possibly passed out (and that's why he thinks she is dead at first). But the more you bring logic into it the harder it is for her character to have such wonderful lines. But yeah, I was just thinking it would probably be best if she were perhaps not upside down but in the car, maybe she cut herself loose, but she was weak from the windshield cracking on impact and slicing her up pretty badly. So she'd still appear dead because she was weak, but her lines would mostly be the same. yeah....i'm done.


That is a great point "Orange"...we LOVE her lines so I think she just needs to be upside down for a shorter length of time...plus...logically, if she were inthe car upside that long I think the way the animals are in this story they would have found her by then...


http://www.myspace.com/mbcgirl  

I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.  

When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.


MBCgirl =)
My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
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MBCgirl
Posted: December 29th, 2008, 11:45pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Murphy


Schoolboy error there I am afraid, that's what you get for not thinking something through properly and rushing. I have changed it to a handgun, thanks for correcting that Morgan.

Cheers.


It's just a little thing and George is right...it could have been a rifle...I suggested a 30/aught/6

Rifles have longer range capabilities, but there's nothing like a good shotgun blast for upclose devastation! Feeling mean right now! lol  


http://www.myspace.com/mbcgirl  

I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.  

When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.


MBCgirl =)
My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: December 30th, 2008, 12:09am Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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There's been some excellent discussion regarding the weapons used here.

We might also consider the fact that the year is 2048.

There's already stories going around about a kind of psychological/physical weapon that screws people up. I can't remember what they call this now, but the nearest I can remember is it's like the microwave-- invisible, bit very damaging.

If we want to bring some sci-fi elements into this, we might want to research some other ideas.

Of course, the thing is, this kind of tech would best be staged early on. Like showing police or military people controlling people with these fantastic weapons.

Would our tribe members be immune to the frequency of these things?

Would the frequency of these things sound EXACTLY the same as Cordelia's scream?

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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George Willson
Posted: December 30th, 2008, 1:43am Report to Moderator
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Oh easy. A Star Trek Phaser.


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