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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort  ›  Showdown #13 James vs Michael - CONGRATULATING Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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 Vote for A or B
B (14 votes)
73.68%
A (5 votes)
26.32%
19 Votes Total
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  Author    Showdown #13 James vs Michael - CONGRATULATING  (currently 5233 views)
mcornetto
Posted: September 30th, 2012, 2:58am Report to Moderator
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Screenplay A - Michael
Screenplay B - James

Excellent voter turnout. (19 votes)

Congrats to both of you for submitting a screenplay.  However, the winner of this challenge is James (A/26.32%, B/73.68%).  So and extra congrats to him.

As a note: If you want to challenge someone on the boards - see if they want to take the challenge and then contact me about setting up the showdown.
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M.Alexander
Posted: September 30th, 2012, 7:28am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto
Screenplay A - Michael
Screenplay B - James

Excellent voter turnout. (19 votes)

Congrats to both of you for submitting a screenplay.  However, the winner of this challenge is James (A/26.32%, B/73.68%).  So and extra congrats to him.

As a note: If you want to challenge someone on the boards - see if they want to take the challenge and then contact me about setting up the showdown.


Yeah, I got spanked.  My hat's off to Jwent..  Although I believe I took a greater risk story-wise.  But  James' story definitely packed a powerful punch.

What else can I say?  Not much!    

Thanks to Ryan for pointing out that Tongan blunder.  I googled Zambia and it came up as Tongan being one of the languages spoken there.  Apparently I should've done just a little more research on that one!  

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
M.Alexander  -  September 30th, 2012, 7:39am
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leitskev
Posted: September 30th, 2012, 8:20am Report to Moderator
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John Belushi time:

Tonga! Tonga!

Good work, guys. 48 hrs can be tough if an idea doesn't hit you right away.

Sorry I missed the flash in the slug, Michael. That through my initial read off. My bad. So I deleted my original post.

Jeff tried to get me to respect slugs. The lesson didn't take very well!
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jwent6688
Posted: September 30th, 2012, 9:11am Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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Quoted from mcornetto

As a note: If you want to challenge someone on the boards - see if they want to take the challenge and then contact me about setting up the showdown.


Probably not too many people here who call each other out like me and Michael. Maybe they should just message you their names if they want to give it a go? Then set up the challenge?

FYI, these are usually far more specific as far as challenge parameters. This was pretty wide open.


Quoted from M.Alexander
My hat's off to Jwent..  Although I believe I took a greater risk story-wise.  But  James' story definitely packed a powerful punch.


Thanks, and I did really enjoy your story. I didn't shoot bigger on purpose, I've watched every one of these showdowns and the winners are usually the simplest as far as scenes and characters. You only have five pages to get to the meat of the story!

I blew it on Juliana's character description in retrospect. Kevin called me out and I have to agree.


I am out for next round, but I may ask Michael if I can pick the challenge parameters for the next duel. Eitherway, it'd still be 1-5pgs in less than 48hrs.

Who wants to play next? Muhahaha!

James








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wonkavite
Posted: September 30th, 2012, 11:52am Report to Moderator
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Wow, talk about a difference in stories!!  

Congrats to both - and (though the voting is over), have to say I'm particularly impressed with James' script - clean writing, some great descriptive phrases in it...and a story with heart/human poignancy.  Nice!  

I'd argue that next round, there should be a *bit* more in the way of guidelines...the two stories were far too divergent to judge side by side...

--Janet (Wonka)
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rc1107
Posted: September 30th, 2012, 11:29pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats, James.

Congrats, Michael.

I enjoyed both of them.


Quoted from James
Probably not too many people here who call each other out like me and Michael.


I think that Sorkin guy is kind of a bitch.  I'd challenge him, but he probably wouldn't have the moneyballs to show up here.


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Abe from LA
Posted: October 1st, 2012, 1:54am Report to Moderator
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Congratulations to two quality submissions under a tight deadline.

For this challenge, I would have given my vote by a lash to James.
I thought he wrote the cleaner, more production-ready script. The story is pretty good, albeit predictable.
Michael's script seemed a bit loose and the map element really felt like a throw-in. But "Ferocious" had a wonderful fable-like quality. While James won the challenge, Michael wins for scope and potential.

Michael, I would have given you my vote had you done two things, (1) trusted your instincts and relied on your strengths, and (2) moved the map from a B-story afterthought, to the A story catalyst.  

Take the story beyond a 5-page short and imagine the possibilities of journey, prophecy and enlightenment.  I see all of that in a rewrite, should you be inclined.  Good luck.

Nice job, gentlemen.

Abe


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Pale Yellow
Posted: October 1st, 2012, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats to both...

Writing under pressure....wow...super good job!

Nothing like a mean deadline to get your fingers tappin!
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CoopBazinga
Posted: October 3rd, 2012, 9:23am Report to Moderator
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Congrats to James and Michael for two excellent scripts, especially considering the time you had to get an idea and put it down on the page.

I’ve read both and thought they were well written and good touching stories.

Kudos to James though for coming out on top - good stuff.

Wish I could have voted but oh well – my fault for going away.

On a side note, I would like to say welcome back Michael, never had the pleasure before so nice to finally say hello officially... no kisses this time though.
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