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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort  ›  Crafting a Scene: Standup in a Prison Colony Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Crafting a Scene: Standup in a Prison Colony  (currently 331 views)
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Posted: January 17th, 2023, 9:46pm Report to Moderator
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I'm just trying to think of everything you can do with this.

  • They attack the comic with projectiles
  • The guards fire a warning shot after too insulting a joke: then tell him to keep going
  • The comic's physicality... I would do it just enough to be threatening but meagre enough to be vulnerable.
  • The comic should somehow knock someone the fuck out during his routine, but it has to be in a way you're not expecting.
  • The comic is your adrenaline junkie fun at all costs kind of guy
  • Someone has a snake: it becomes a part of the act
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CoastalMainer
Posted: January 17th, 2023, 11:20pm Report to Moderator
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Is this the first time you've workshopped this?


Picking up hookers
instead of my pen
I let the words of my youth
fade away.

"My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys," Sharon Vaughn
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Scroll Troll
Posted: January 18th, 2023, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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Indeed.
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eldave1
Posted: January 19th, 2023, 11:33am Report to Moderator
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Funny premise IMO.


Someone being tazed is always good for a laugh

Maybe add a snippet where the comic tells a politically incorrect/anti-woke joke and gets an inexplicable boo from the prison audience - comic is REALLY???



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Nomad
Posted: January 19th, 2023, 2:54pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1

Someone being tazed is always good for a laugh


"Don't tase me, bro!"


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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eldave1
Posted: January 20th, 2023, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Nomad


"Don't tase me, bro!"


exactly


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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zi94sm65
Posted: January 21st, 2023, 7:56am Report to Moderator
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For giggles, i typed your parameters into the AI ChatGPT and asked it to write a scene. Here's what it spit back out:

The comedian stepped out onto the prison yard, adrenaline pumping as he surveyed the rough crowd of inmates. He had always thrived on the energy of dangerous audiences, and this prison was no exception.

The inmates jeered and shouted insults as he took the stage, but the comedian didn't let it phase him. He launched into his routine, pushing the boundaries with jokes about the prison and its inhabitants.

Suddenly, projectiles began to fly at him from all directions - apples, oranges, even a plastic fork. The comedian dodged and weaved, never missing a beat in his routine.

The guards stepped in, firing a warning shot into the air to quell the unrest. But the comedian was undeterred. He shouted out an even more insulting joke, and the inmates roared with laughter.

Just then, a snake slithered out from under the stage and onto the comedian's shoulder. The comedian didn't miss a beat, incorporating the snake into his act as he made it dance and perform tricks.

The inmates were in hysterics, and the guards couldn't help but chuckle at the unexpected turn of events. The comedian wrapped up his routine with a flourish, knocking out one of the inmates with a clever punchline.

As he stepped off the stage, the comedian couldn't help but feel a rush of adrenaline. He had pushed the limits, and it had paid off. He couldn't wait to do it all again.
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