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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Comedy Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: April 1st, 2005, 10:29pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Cloud 27 by Torey - Comedy - Once back at his date's house after dinner, a sex-crazed man struggles with sexual fantasies and trying to "seal the deal". Hilarity and hinjinks ensue. - doc, format


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TheBlindGunman
Posted: July 4th, 2005, 3:43pm Report to Moderator
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no one has a damn thing to say about my script? I feel loved.
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Kyle V.
Posted: July 4th, 2005, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
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Freeze Sucka!

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romantic comedies dont usually get much responces here. I might read it but sometimes you have to have something that makes people want to read the script.
the title, personally doesnt catch my eye.... but if i have time ill give it a read through.


I used to wear Spiderman PJ's to bed every night, then I woke up one morning and said to myself "Self, your to old for this spiderman bull." So I went to target the next day and picked up some Wolverine PJs cause man, that guy stabs people. C. Walken
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Martin
Posted: July 5th, 2005, 10:09am Report to Moderator
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I had a quick read through this last night. I wouldn't call it a romantic comedy, more of an erotic fantasy.

It was pretty funny in places. Your writing's quite snappy, your descriptions are graphic and easy to visualize. There's way too many camera directions for my liking, is this a shooting script?

Overall, the scenario is a familiar one, it's  predictable but fairly enjoyable nonetheless. I can imagine this appealing to fans of American Pie style comedy. It's not really my cup of tea but hey... a lot of people like college humor.
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TheProducer
Posted: July 5th, 2005, 11:22pm Report to Moderator
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Not much to say.  It needs work.  The whole thing plays like a teenage fantasy that would  never really happen.  One would be wise to remember.... just because you can type it... doesn't mean you know how to do it.

I did, however, like the reference to Davit Mamet's "Sexual Perversity in Chicago"; later made into the move "That Night" starring Rob Lowe and Demi Moore: "A squeal of pleasure and relief that would f***ing kill a horse!"

Sorry, though.  All in all not very good.  


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