Dom,

This is the one, but I doubt it will be released in the cinema, probably just a dvd release.

Oh, well. I'd love to be able to see it. So, how far into this are you? Like, have you casted the roles yet, or something?

Nope, I just sold the script.  The director/producer hasn't started work on it yet.

Well, It looks like I'll be taking the rights to this one back, so if anyone was interested in reading it before it was taken down, you should have a chance to do so once I make some revisions.

Comedy about relationships, always a good subject to write about. You did well with the comedy part. Newton is the perfect hero to root for. Nothing seems to go his way until he meets Sara, which is great. That's when I stop rooting for him, because he's found what he wanted without any real effort. The love wasn't difficult to get. She just immediately wanted to be with him.

As much as I wanted Newton to succeed, I think he succeeds too early. Your writing and comedic dialgoue kept my interest throughout, but I still wanted that little challenge. Like the type where our goodhearted hero tries, but just doesn't quite make it. For example Indiana Jones. He's confident; has it together, but somehow everytime something goes wrong. Then we begin to root for him again. You obviously have a good writing ability. I think all it needs is conflict. Your other stuff is really good too.

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict." - William Channing

Luke Bradshaw

What exactly happened here Mike?  Or is it a private-ish thing?

IAYF,

Thanks for the feedback.  I have a hard time classifying this as a comedy or drama so I call it both.  I wanted the relationship to play out like an actual relationship, with the conflict not coming until later on, in an effort to establish the closeness of their relationship.  This was the first script I ever wrote, and since then I think I've gotten better at creating more conflict for the protagonist throughout.  Have you read something else of mine?


Higgs,

Nothing too private.  The producer made some huge changes and I guess she couldn't make those work, and then couldn't make the original script work either.  I could have let her put it on the shelf, but I decided to buy the rights back instead.  That's about it.

Ahh, so she decided that space just wouldn't cut it after all?  You're better off.  Or at least I am, now My T-shirts still have a chance.

Thanks for the feedback Mike. Good points. "The Odds of Love" is a really good script don't get me wrong. I had no quams about reading it. All I'm saying is if something prevented Newton from reeling in Sara then I'd be clicking the mouse button as fast as I could to see what happens next. I wanted to learn something new about overcoming the obstacles of dating.

I understand what you were trying to do with the story. You were building up the conflict to be between Newton and his family, more than a conflict between Newton and Sara. The interesting part is the relationship between Newton and Sara. The family helps progress the plot, and adds colorful commentary. What makes Sara the one for Newton? If they had met in any other circumstance would they still fall in love because they were just meant to be together? Could their love stand the test if fate got in the way and had other ideas?

Once again man great writing. Humor is the best medicine. You have a medicine cabinet full of it. These are just suggestions and thoughts. You can't help but like Netwon, just put Newton in the tree.

Luke

Thanks, Luke. I can see your point.

I left you some feedback on Burial Grounds, just in case you missed my post.

Hey Mike, has this been filmed yet or are you still sitting on it?

Quoted from coffee Hey Mike, has this been filmed yet or are you still sitting on it?

Nope, hasn't been filmed yet, but I just recently got the rights back, so I'm hoping someone else will pick it up.

Hi Mike.
I decided to read this because its in a genre I'm fairly interested in.  It may be all finished at this point, but here are some things I noticed.

Pg 22.  When their conversation gets down to Newton asking Carl to be his wingman, I'm confused because I couldn't find anything earlier in the date setup that said Liz would be going.

On Page 33, I wonder if using the INTERCUT format would work better than so many sluglines?  Just a formatting question, I love the rythym of the scene.

I think on Page 77, you missed a carriage return.  One of CARL's lines is lumped in with one of NEWTON's.

On Page 78, there are a few lines (the first four in the scene) that seem unnecessary.  I don't think characters often meet to talk without a specific reason in mind.
Also, would characters in a comedy like this have a deep discussion about death?  All of Newt and Sara's banter to that point had been fairly lighthearted and witty.  Also, I'm not really sure how it served the plot or pushed it forward.

Would DAD really not have want to have anything to do with Newton because Sara was moving in?  Dad (or Tank, hehehe) was a GREAT character up to this point.  It just didn't really resonate.  Whether or not Newton stays with her, Vincent is still going to lay a beat down on her.  I think someone mentioned this earlier.

Pages 86 to 101 are good drama, but its a 15 page stretch in a comedy where nothing funny happens.  Might want to insert some more Carl/Liz stuff here to lighten it up?

Definitely a lot of fun to read.  I look forward to reading some of your other works.

-Bob

Hey Bob,

Thanks for taking a look at it.  The feedback is appreciated.  When Newton asks Carl to be his wingman, it is after a previous conversation that isn't in the script.  I can see how it's kind of hard to follow, but the only real explanation to it is when Newton gets back to his office and Sara has left him the voicemail.

I agree that the intercut would work better, but I always have a problem with putting in technical terms like INTERCUT, INSERT, ETC.

The missed return has been caught and fixed in new draft.

Those first four lines are just Newton's curiousity.  Sara asked him to meet her, adn he was just wondering if something was wrong.  The death discussion sets up the payoff at the end.

And the drama is....how can I say it?  Too much.  I've battled this one forever because I always wanted some kind of conflict, and that there should be some element of drama in there anyway, but this just comes at you way too fast, and honestly, too late.

There are others who have commented on that exact same thing, and because of it I'm going in an entirely new direction with this, making it more "light".  Conflict will still be there of course, but I think I'll end up bringing this over to the comedy side completely, rather than teetering on the fence between comedy and drama.

Thanks so much for looking at it, and for bringing up your points.  It's things like that that help soften the blow when I have to slice and dice.

are you redrafting this now or is it something lined up in the future?