The Holidays by Michael Alfaro Migoya - Comedy - A very dysfunctional family decides to create their own holiday after family therapy. Their fighting carries them throughout the preparations and mistakes. In the end they realize that fighting is also a form of communication, but what trouble has their holiday got them into? - html, format

Hey, I'm really looking for feedback on this movie. Sorry about the spelling mistakes on the description, but the screenplay is pretty spellchecked and revised. I'm not perfect (and also 17) so I might have missed a few. Tell me what you think. thanks

I found 4 spelling mistakes and 1 punctuation error in the synopsis alone.

You can't be lazy, especially in the synopsis, dude.

Is the new holiday Festivus?

Will there be feats of strength?

I'll take a look at it.

I agree with Greg, wholeheartedly.  People decide whether or not to read your script based on the synopsis.  If there's mistakes in it, is awkward to read or just doesn't grab you, no one will read it.


Phil

Really, thanks Greg and Dogglebe. I had to write it really quickly because I uploaded the script during my multimedia class at school and I almost got caught by my teacher. I tried to find a way to change the synopsis afterwards but I couldn’t. Thanks again.  

Resubmit it to Don.


Phil

Thanks Dogglebe, will do.

mikealfaro,

I was going to make some comments about the order of words in your dialogue, until I noticed you were from Guatemala, so I tried to give you a reasonable amount of leeway, however, I really couldn't get into this.  I did read the whole thing, but the entire script seemed to be just a bunch of arguments stringed together, either between the family members, friends, or the other family.  There were a few jokes I found funny, such as the comment about Tom working in the cemetery.

One question though:

SPOILER











Did Mike know he had that lottery ticket the whole time?

oh I think you got it wrong, well I wrote it wrong maybe, but the first couple of scenes on the freeway were the ending. When mike says "I'm going to tell you a little holiday story, it all started 6 days ago" I though it was pretty obious that  the story when back to the beguining. Maybe I should put a superimpose that says "6 days earlier".  So Mike had no idea about the lottery ticket, he did not have time to  look at it, plus it was only half scratched out.

Yeah, english is not my first language, I only started studying it about a year ago. But come on that doesn't mean I don't want you to correct me, please by all means do correct me, i wrote this script about a month and a week ago. It still needs a lot of work.

So thanks anyway.

I realized that the beginning of the movie was actually the ending, no need to change anything there.  I think I just missed something in Tom giving him his stuff back since it says that there are three dollar signs meaning that even if it is only half scratched out it is still visible.  I think you've got a pretty good premise here, so I would definitely keep working on it.  As far as the dialogue, just try reading it out loud as if you were talking to someone, that's usually a good way to judge how it works.  I'll try to go back through it and give you an example or two that would help to clean it up.

I appreciate it, thanks.