The Chronicles of the Ladybug Curse by Michael Alfaro Migoya (extraattention) - Comedy, Drama, Adventure - fter the death of their best friend, 4 teenage boys decide to overcome the obstacles that having girl names entitle. Ashlee, Jesse, Kelly, and Paris embark on a journey of self-discovery that intertwines reality with teenage boy fantasies. From the beaches of California to a medieval castle, and from a mundane science class to a hostile alien planet, they will battle everyday challenges in order to give their lost friend Tracy, a proper goodbye.  100 pages - html, format

Reviewing as I read.  Also, it's 82 pages with some very slim margins.  It's not 100.

Quoted Text I shit you not; it is the ugliest piece of crap you have ever seen.

What is that supposed to mean??  At most write "ugly red 1975 convertable".  But the second anyone of any worth in the movie business sees that kind of sentence in your script, he'll throw it right into the trash.

Too much voice-over.  Many"guides" generalise and say not to use voice-over at all.  They're exaggerating, but the reason they say that is because way too many people use it as a convenient way of avoiding having to write good scenes.

Quoted Text Ashlee, Tracy, Jesse, Kelly, and Paris are girls!

The very concept of how horrible a girl's name is was problematic for me.  This line is downright absurd.  Realize that bullies have an IQ above 3.

Re-read the definition of Montage.  What you have is a complete voice-over scene with a series of shots in-between.

You only need to capitalise a name the first time.

Numerous spelling mistakes:  Fait->fate, too->to (that's grammar, actually), etc.

Bullies in 12th grade?  It's absurd.  People tend to be mature by then.

Quoted Text My instruments show the planet is very unstable.

We don't even know he has "instruments" until the dialogue, much less that he's using them.  Your script is about 90% dialogue, 9% description, and 1% action.  That needs to be rebalanced greatly.

Why is peptobismol in brackets?

I'm gonna stop reading here.  This script needs serious work to be good.  Most important of all, it's not funny.  There were maybe two jokes so far, and neither was funny.


Summary:  Make it funnier, believable, and less of a narrative/play.

Hi, first of all I have to say I liked the concept of intertwining fantasy and reality a lot. The teenage fantasies used are probably the same ones I had as a kid. The story is heartfelt and I could feel the years of friendship between the guys. I guess this is more of a feel good comedy and you have to bee in the mood for that. Lucky for you I was in the mood for that

I don't know about the guy that left the message above, but I found parts of this script hilarious, though some others weren't lol. I really liked the part about mowing the cemetery; I laughed my ass off on that one. I liked the part when they write the ad for the newspaper, also hilarious "It has a quiet engine". Anyway I thought the script did have a story and is worth a a read, but here come the negative bits.

You do have spelling and grammar mistakes, and I'm not the greatest writer, but I could catch a few. Have someone proof read it. Also there are some errors in the structure, but they can be easily fixed. I don't think it's a hundred pages, probably 90, but it's hard to tell because of the HTML format. Word totally messes up the margins anyway.

I really like this script; I would definitely go see it at the movies if it gets made. I realize some people might not get it because it is VERY QUIRKY COMEDY and I found it very smart and witty. Talented actors would have to pull this one off, because some lines can fall into the category of "cheesy" if not delivered correctly. Keep up the good work and try to proof read.

PS: The "I s*** you not; it is the ugliest piece of cr** you have ever seen." line is not very appropriate, but I know for a fact that infusing personality into the script makes it better. I liked it, but not everyone might. Your call.

Thanks for the feedback. I don't know about the not having descriptions, I just think a lot of people overwrite their descriptions. The director's gonna have to do his thing anyway, no use in describing the walls or the aliens. All that comes later in set design and animation. I tend to focus on the story and making the character's grow with dialogue. Why write a paragraph when you can say it in a line?

Also Peptobismol is in brackets because when you write a brand name it has to be in brackets.

You're right the montage scene is not a montage. I guess I just got lazy and you called me on it. I'm re-writing that scene right now.

Also I forgot I wrote the "The ugliest piece of..." line in there. I guess it just slipped out of me. And yeah there are a few spelling mistakes, but I thinks they're few. I must have missed them, If you read it please call me on them. That's what editors are for LOL.

I'm glad LUISPEDRO liked the screenplay, and you're right, it is quirky and light. The action scenes are also not very long because it's up to choreographers and animators to make them lengthier. I just write the basics for the story.

Thanks for the feedback again, I hope more people read it. So  far there's one who apparently hates it and another one who loves it. Audiences are so hard to please.