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Blood on the Help Desk Phone by Claudio - Comedy, Drama - The son of a powerful Mafia family can't seem to cut it in the 'family business'. What to do? Why, make him the PC Help Desk technician for the Mafia of course! A day in the life of Carlo "Sissy" Carlucci, help desk technician to the underworld… This is set in Australia, though it could be set anywhere. Just know that the Federal Police is Australia's equivalent of the FBI. - pdf, format
I think this was a pretty good story. It made me laugh outloud a couple of times and that's pretty hard to do. I actually want to learn more about the family and about 'Sissy', so be sure to let me know if you write about them anymore. It was also very well written.
The only thing that needs work are the character directions before their dialogue starts. A lot of it is unnecessary and doesn't accomplish anything. The actors who play their parts will figure out how their character should say their lines. And when a character is speaking over the phone, instead of it being a (v.o.), it should say (filter.)
Other than that, I really enjoyed this and, like I said, I look forward to reading more about the family if you want to expand it at all.
Thanks for the kind words Mark. Believe it or not, I actually do have more story ideas about Sissy and other members of the family.
I finished another short story called The Poet which is set in the same "universe". It won't feature Sissy, but there is definitely a link between him and the main character of The Poet.
Hello, Just wanted to post a comment that I found Claudio's script on here and contacted him about producing it a few months ago. It just went live on the internet a few days ago for those that would like to check it out. I noticed that you guys mention on your homepage a congrats to writers that have a script produced, so I thought I'd post.
The VOs were removed to show the actors, and the title was changed to Mafia Tech Support with permission from the writer, check it out...
I thought I would comment on why the script was selected for the writers on here looking to get a script produced.
First off I read around 30+ short scripts on here. A few others on other websites. I found his script to be a highly original concept. I've never seen anything done like it before. I also could relate to the story having a background working in 3 call centers, so it was even funnier to me because I could relate to it. I'm also a huge fan of mafia films. I also felt it would be in demand online with a niche audience of tech support people really enjoying it. Possibly even viral if sent around through call centers/tech support offices via e-mail. I also thought it was written with a decent budget in mind. There weren't too many locations, no special effects, no helicopters or explosions, it was dialogue driven. It was short (under 15 pages). We received one comment on another forum...
"Seriously loved it! You got me laughing especially at the opening scene with the floppy drive! Great actors. Absolutely loved it. I never last 13 minutes for an indie film -- but for this one I did!
Keep up the great work!"
So as you can see the trend with shorts is under 15 minutes. One downside was that we were over 10 minutes which disqualifies us for youtube with their 10 minute time limit on all videos (losing out on a wider audience). So it's probably recommended to write shorts that are under 10 minutes. I went ahead on this one because I really liked the story. It seems the trend now is around 5 minutes. This will likely be the last short we ever do over 10 minutes, my goal if I do another short is to stay around the 5 minute mark. The trend in shorts is heavy comedy or if you're going to write drama, something fairly shocking, for example the Sundance short "Spider".. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdj9vMH4BfQ
Shorts are highly unprofitable and most producers expect to never see any money made on them. We set out to do another short because we wanted to improve on some technical skills before doing our next feature and to use it as a promotional tool to attract others to our future projects.
I removed the VOs because people want to see characters and we could afford to show them in this case. I changed the title to something that I felt more closely matched what it was about. It can be difficult to get people to watch your short and even more difficult if they aren't told exactly what it's about. Also we do a lot of promoting/spreading the word on MySpace. Mafia Tech Support meets the character limits of MySpace as well. We also cross check IMDb (since we set out to get everything listed on there) to make sure that the title is original. Although legally you can often use the same title as another film, sometimes you cannot if it's trademarked. From an SEO/online marketing position, having an original title is beneficial. Also shorter titles are better for marquees if it premieres at a movie theatre (they have to put up each letter at a time), and shorter titles are good for posters.
Again wanted to say thanks to Claudio for writing his wonderful script and posting it on here. The project should be listed on IMDb within the next few weeks, so it will be Claudio's first credit on IMDb and will get him listed on there as a writer, congrats. And thanks to the people running this website.
I really enjoyed the script, it was pretty much consistantly funny. I liked the line 'As long as there are stupid people in this world, I�ll never be out of work.' very good. I was surprised not to see the obligitary 'have you tried turning it off and on again?' mantra in this piece!
I read in an earlier comment that you had more ideas following the family. This would be interesting to read, and would also make a fine webseries along with 'Mafia Tech Support'.
All in all, a great job. I think maybe the main reason that this thread has languished pretty much comment free is because the author hasn't really taken the time to read through other peoples work and leave comments. That's how it usually works here- If a reader looks at the authors stats and they've only left a few (or no) comments we instantly assume the writer is not around anymore, so no feedback is left. Also it would benefit from being in the 'Shorts' section, as most other scripts in 'Comedy' are full length.
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