Quoted from greg Hi Sandra, You got a real Fantasy-Alice-In-Wonderland feel going on throughout.  It seemed that with every unorthodox trait this script had, there was another three or four immediately following it and the scripts has a lot of charm and clever humor.  But, again, there's just so much going on and I really do apologize that I can't go more in depth with feedback, but in a way these words alone could be valuable in the future. As I said, it was beautifully written as I'd expect it to be from you since you put a lot of thought and heart into every post you contribute on this site, but I think it needs more focus and direction.  But hey, kudos on your first feature -Greg

Thank you Greg, I appreciate the feedback.

It is completely understood that I have too much going on. I just don't know how to handle it all except to let it get cold and then go to it again and thereby do more juggling.

I really wish that I could just follow "the plan" and forget it, but it's always a disaster. It's like earthquakes and tornadoes and, well, "whatnot". Really bad scene.  

But as much as it tremors and whirls, I must admit, I enjoy the characters that show up and destroy things. Often as not, they don't destroy, (they say) but rather (play around). They say, "What's the harm in that?"

What can I say when they say: "We've got a life and a plan! Don't treat us as imbeciles!" At that point I try and get a grip. But these guys are tough cookies. They're a force that I need to go to the table with. Maybe we can work a deal.

Thanks a great bunch!

Sandra

I'm sorry but I couldn't get through this. I read up to page 50 and would have forced myself to finish if this was in the 90 page range but I nearly choked when I saw there was 87 pages to go!

I was lost very early on and was still lost by page 50 so I didn't see the point in continuing as I wouldn't have anything helpful to say at all.

All I can do is echo what others have already said. Focus. That's what this needs. There is some good in here but way too much crazy stuff going on everywhere else. I think you could cut more than a few pages from this, maybe a character or two aswell.

I think all the Simply stuff has to go. I know we all feel like we owe this site something in one way or another but you went way overboard here. I mean, SIMPLY GRAVEYARD? This all just added to the confusion. Another example...

Quoted from Script EXT. VIRTUAL VANCOUVER - NIGHT TIME Swishing around like superman, Here is a gorgeous JEWISH SYNAGOGUE, placard reads: SIMPLYJEWISH. And there is a gorgeous CATHOLIC CHURCH, placard reads: SIMPLYCATHOLIC And down the street further is a quaint little coffee shop. You might have guessed: Simplycoffee, but you’re wrong. Sign says: ARISTOCRATIC COFFEE HOUSE, so there.

Again, completely lost me here. Sure, it reads well and might force a smile from some readers but for me, all it does is add another 1/3 of a page to an already long script.

I might be alone here but I do think taking out things like that and concentrating more on the story would make this a lot easier to get through.

On the plus side, I really liked your character description for Pseudos, and like I said before, there is some good in here. There's just so much madness surrounding it. I'm in no doubt cuts are needed. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Well done for completing the challenge in only 5 weeks. That's impressive.

Brian

Quoted from Brian M I'm sorry but I couldn't get through this. I read up to page 50 and would have forced myself to finish if this was in the 90 page range but I nearly choked when I saw there was 87 pages to go! I was lost very early on and was still lost by page 50 so I didn't see the point in continuing as I wouldn't have anything helpful to say at all. All I can do is echo what others have already said. Focus. That's what this needs. There is some good in here but way too much crazy stuff going on everywhere else. I think you could cut more than a few pages from this, maybe a character or two as well. (...) Again, completely lost me here. Sure, it reads well and might force a smile from some readers but for me, all it does is add another 1/3 of a page to an already long script. I might be alone here but I do think taking out things like that and concentrating more on the story would make this a lot easier to get through. On the plus side, I really liked your character description for Pseudos, and like I said before, there is some good in here. There's just so much madness surrounding it. I'm in no doubt cuts are needed. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Well done for completing the challenge in only 5 weeks. That's impressive. Brian

Thank you so much Brian for giving it a go. I agree with the length aspect. I just couldn't manage it, but I've been thinking about that a lot and thinking on splitting it into hours. If they can split atoms, why can't I split hours. Te-he.  

This is a script about virtuality; so I can't lose Simply. Nup. That would definitely be a no-no at this point and I might forget that I'm Sandra Watson and not Moira, the actress, playing Moira the grief counselor or something like that and heaven forbid, that would be Simply terrible and I'd need to go see Dr. Shrinkly Simpleton to put me into a past life regression or something.

Again, I really do appreciate anyone who takes the time here. And especially everyone who took this challenge upon themselves. I just finished reading Stevie's HEADLONG and I want to say, that this was such an entertaining read that I'm still in big time "happy mode" because of it.  

Thanks again and again people,

Sandra

OK, thanks to RV, I did some research and found out a little bit about Terry Gilliam.

He said:

There's so many film schools, so many media courses which I actually am opposed to. Because I think it's more important to be educated, to read, to learn things, because if you're gonna be in the media and if you'll have to say things, you have to know things. If you only know about cameras and 'the media', what're you gonna be talking about except cameras and the media? So it's better learning about philosophy and art and architecture [and] literature, these are the things to be concentrating on it seems to me. Then, you can fly...

I completely agree. Although I don't say don't go to film school; I say do what you love first. If film school is part of the picture, then do that, but there are more than a gazillion ways to experience life and life swallows film school like that whale swallowed Jonah. Oh my gawd! I just realized I'm in a whale!!!  

Sandra

Hi Sandra

You obviously have a very unique vision as a writer. I feel personally that you need to find a way to harness that vision so that you can connect with your readers/viewers on a one to one basis - which is what writing (and any art) is about. At the moment, while you are very obviously talented (I was surprised to find you are so new to writing when you mentioned only starting out a couple of years ago), you are basically producing work that is only accessible by yourself, like a complex code that you have the key to and everyone else has to try and decode.

It does, of course, depend on what you wish to achieve as a writer - David Lynch seems quite happy in following his own path, for example, and you may feel the same. But if you wish to write for an audience, rather than just yourself, then in my humble view, you do need to pull your writing into the real world, bend your obviously vivid imagination around story concepts that we can also understand, so that we can join you on your journey rather than stand on the shore and watch you sail by

Be Seeing You

Simon

Quoted from Niles_Crane Hi Sandra You obviously have a very unique vision as a writer. I feel personally that you need to find a way to harness that vision so that you can connect with your readers/viewers on a one to one basis - which is what writing (and any art) is about. At the moment, while you are very obviously talented (I was surprised to find you are so new to writing when you mentioned only starting out a couple of years ago), you are basically producing work that is only accessible by yourself, like a complex code that you have the key to and everyone else has to try and decode. It does, of course, depend on what you wish to achieve as a writer - David Lynch seems quite happy in following his own path, for example, and you may feel the same. But if you wish to write for an audience, rather than just yourself, then in my humble view, you do need to pull your writing into the real world, bend your obviously vivid imagination around story concepts that we can also understand, so that we can join you on your journey rather than stand on the shore and watch you sail by Be Seeing You Simon

Thank you so much, Simon. I don't know whether things on the surface will appear to get better or worse as I go down the rabbit hole.

I shall continue to work and try my hardest to bring things to a level of understanding for others.

Sandra