Just think, you could always be the John Waters or H.G. Lewis of our time...  I think one of the most pointless movies ever would be Twilight.  It has no value to me at all.  But if you said that to a 15 year old girl she'd probably rally the powder puff girls to kick some ass.  Pointless is subjective if you walk away from "said" script/movie with new insight...

For instance, I had to watch the 1st Twilight... It was horrible.  But it gave me something no other film could.  It let me know 100% that when the next pile of shit Twilight was shot out of some Whales cock not to go see it.

So maybe insight is't the most PR or applicable thing 100% of the time but at least you are now privy to something you weren't before.  Look at it that way, folks.  And, no one is making you read or watch said works.

There was a time when Black exploitations films were the Ants Pants.  Action Jackson - Coffee - and so forth and so on.  I see no value in them at all, either.  Same with I spit on your grave - Last house on the left - Hard Candy and a shit ton gaggle of other frothing piles of pig shit... Doesn't mean someone out there, someone less vocal than myself doesn't like them.

Same with this script here... someone might read it and really like it.  They might get the humor and the jokes and all that.  The vast majority here didn't and that's cool...  I still don't find Dane Cook or Seth Rogan funny. And I think Kate Goslin should be voted off DWTS 1st and go spend some time with her kids too.  1. She's not a star and 2. She's a media whore puppet.

But back to topic, did I like the script here...?  Fuck no.  It was horrible.

Cindy - I don't blame you for hating my script without reading it, even though I find it a tad bit rude. I assume that you think my script is sexist to women, which doesn't surprise me. I am sorry you feel the way you do. None of my scripts are sexist in any way, shape, or form. I do hope that maybe you will at least read some of the script, so that you can at least try to give actual facts on the story and why you don't like it. Otherwise, I don't know why you are upset, because the only thing you are doing is assuming the worst.

My comments are nothing personal aganst you, merely your subject matter. What is funny about incest? What is funny about pedophilia? These are things that almost everyone finds abhorrent but all of your scripts are littered with them. There is nothing funny about these subject matters and it just makes you seem juvenile as a writer that you continue to write about it.

What I mean about no story here is there is no point to it. Screenrider already pointed out that if they lost their tampons they could just go buy some more. To say we are in an 'alternate reality' does not cut it. This is not a sci-fi script. Characters have to act in a way that seems believable for us to buy into the story. Obviously that does not happen here. To have a feature length film that revolves around a little kid and a woman who should be in a nursing home trying to find stolen tampons is the height of ludicracy.

The dialogue that I was talking about is stuff like this: 'No, the writer is, again, simply
fooling the audience. What we are talking about means nothing at all. He is just trying to waist space because he is a babbling idiot.'

And this: 'When I was a young lad, I used to dream of being in a story that had great character development and amazing dialogue. Sadly, this story seems to be different. The writer must have wrote this story to confuse his audience. What fool would want to read about a girl who is looking for her tampon. I threw her tampon away 499 years ago. That’s right! The story and the plot have not changed because the writer has the ability to do the impossible.'

It reads as one giant 'fuck you' to anybody reading this. Like the whole script is a joke. It is not funny. It is not clever. It is self-indulgent.

Does most of your dialogue here reveal character or move the story forward. Absolutely not. The characters just say random things which they then admit has no meaning and is supposed to fool the audience. This is not a story.

With all that said, I do think you have some potential as a writer. And I actually think you could write a good script if you put your mind to it. Obviously you have a very vivid imagination and you come up with ideas nobody else would ever dream of. If you cut out all the stuff that is going to turn people off then who knows what you are capable of? I'd be interested in reading your 'normal' script when it is done and seeing how that turns out.

Quoted from usaking Trojan - I do not really know the audience for this film/script.

This should be the first thing on your mind if you're writing a script to present to the world.  You gotta know who you're writing to and who your target audience is, otherwise reviews like the ones you've received happen.  I can tell you right off that by including pedophilia in a logline for a comedy, you've already slaughtered your audience to next to nothing.  There was a script posted here a few years back entitled "The Child Molester."  You can probably imagine the reception it received just on the title alone.

I actually read the first 10 pages of this and it really does sound like you're trying to be too cute for your own good with some of the dialogue/story telling.  Something odd happens so the characters blame the writer.  Eh.  It's just a random story with weird attempts at humor thrown in.  It just doesn't work.

Your title is good.  The first part of your logline is amusing minus the fact that I don't believe a 12 year old girl or a 98 year old woman have much use for tampons, but they live in another dimension so I'll go with it.  Pedophilia?  No.

I'm on break after tomorrow so I may read the rest of this just for the hell of it.  It bugs me when I start something and don't finish it.  I've got Jack's script ahead of yours, so stay tuned.  But really, from what I've read thus far it's more like the script is trying way too hard to be funny rather than just being genuinely funny.  Kinda like Pauly Shore as opposed to Tom Hanks(he doesn't try to be funny in his comedies, he just is funny).  Don't take that as an insult; you're way more talented than Pauly Shore

Greg

Trojan - Pedophilia and Incest are not funny in the real world that we live in, but that is what is so great about storytelling. In stories, people can make incest and pedophilia funny. Of course I don't agree with both of these subject matters, but I believe that I could make them funny. I hate Pink Flamingos, and yet loads of people say it is hilarious. It's purely a matter of taste.

Every story ever told could be easily solved. Did we really have to go on a journey to find out what Citizen Kane meant when he said, "Rosebud"? No, of course not. That could have been done in a second. Do we really have to wait 2 hours to find the real killer in Saw? Again, no. Could have been done in the first 5 minutes. But this is how stories are told.

I admit that this is the only script I've written where characters say random things, but it is part of the story. None of it is supposed to make sense. I thought most people would understand that by now.

I am glad you say I have potential as a writer. Before, it seemed as if you were saying I had no hope as  writer at all. We'll see in the future if you like the script I am warning on, although, only very few of the script ideas I have are "normal", but you probably know that already.

Greg - The first thing on my mind when writing a script is NOT the audience, and it never will be. That's the most absurd thing I have ever heard. When writing a script, I am thinking about the story. The audience can some in the middle or end, but never the beginning.

It isn't supposed to be on of those stories that is told in a line. My story has many directions, like a zig zag. Which is probably why it is confusing to some people. Hopefully, after reading more tomorrow, you might like it a bit.

I once wrote a script that I still have in my drawer. It?s a short that deals with a certain issue that many people would find very offensive. I made an attempt to try and bring it to light in a funny way as if to take the reality away and show it as humor.

I finished it and I put it away. I realized as a writer, work is my resume and to a certain degree, I have a responsibility not to myself, not to the script but to the reader as someone who trust that when they open the first page, I made every attempt to create something they would enjoy and take away a clear opinion of the story.

That said I have seen this type of writing. Hell I am one of those writers when I pen something for the sake of attention. But I have learned something on this site. Some of my best work has received very little attention for any a number of reasons but the most attention I have received on a script would be one I know has no chance of ever being filmed.  Not because I don't like it but because I didn't consider my readers wants.

I still suck as a writer, but people here have helped steer me to know what is important if I am going to continue with this endeavor and hone my skills.  
Shawn.....><

i cant believe you are all enabling a  pedophiliac date rapist animal fucking enthusiast

Quoted from lesmort666 i cant believe you are all enabling a  pedophiliac date rapist animal fucking enthusiast

You mean a writer.

lesmort - I have tried to talk nicely to you, but you are beginning to become very insulting to me. Why are you calling me all of those cruel words? It's one thing to hate my script, but calling me a date rapist enthusiast is going too far. You probably don't think I have feelings, but I do, and what you have said really did hurt me a lot. I can only hope you say sorry for what you have written in the future.

Quoted from lesmort666 i cant believe you are all enabling a  pedophiliac date rapist animal fucking enthusiast

  

Now how is this suppose to help the writer?  Read the rules... If you don't have anything constructive to add... then don't.  Your missing a period.

Usaking... I read this the other day but was reluctant to comment.  I got to page 42 and stopped reading the narrative.   Mainly, because I'm trying to find a silverlining in this.  

The mind is a terrible thing to waste.  I've told you this before, you have a good imagination... now put it to use and write about something people would actually go see.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter

I don't think usaking has ever posted a script here that did not cause controversy. I have read some of his scripts in the past and I have said that I do appreciate his imagination, boldness and fearlessness. Is his scripts for everyone? NO....but seriously, how offended we might be, do we really want to prevent people from writing what they want?

There are LOTS of strange offensive vids out there that I wouldn't want my kids to see, but I still don't like when people tell me what's offensive and what's not. Don does not allow porn to be posted and I think that's a good idea, but to censure scripts because some/most might find it offensive?...  

Ghostwriter - As said earlier, I am currently writing my first "normal" script, which most people will hopefully enjoy. IMO, the mind and its imagination is one of the most important things a human has. I thank you for commenting on mine, although I think everyone has a good imagination, but they don't bother using it as much as they could.

me - I have posted a few scripts that haven't caused controversy in the past. They just aren't very well known, but they do exist.

I can understand why some scripts would be asked to be taken down. I remember my first script was one that I could see was despised by almost everyone. I decided to email Don to take it down because I didn't want to be known for such an atrocity. Unfortunately, it seems as if people still have a huge problem with my scripts and I can kind of see why. I love script writing just as much as anyone on this site, but my stories are much darker, which detracts the readers a lot.

I don't think your stories are really that much darker than other stuff I've read on the site.  But I do think that you include lots of morally questionable material in your scripts.   I don't think the darkness is what's turning people off, it's the stuff that's morally objectionable which cause people not to like it.  

you guys are right, i don't want to prevent a writer not write what he/she wants, who am i to take away from somebodies creative outlet.
o.k. i give up.
usaking wins!!  

usa king this "screen play" is lacking in any sense of story structure and character development what so ever.

this feels more like deeply weird abstract thoughts formatted too a screenplay, thus making it technically a screenplay.
so good job.
but a terrible screenplay.

looking forward to your "normal screenplay"

p.s. this is the first screenplay i have read of his and didnt know this was a common thing here. =)

Quoted from lesmort666 p.s. this is the first screenplay i have read of his and didnt know this was a common thing here. =)

It isn't common, just not unknown.

Have you read Through the Fur Trap, Simply