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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Schizophrenic Lesbians Moderators: bert
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  Author    Schizophrenic Lesbians  (currently 7216 views)
Don
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 1:08pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Schizophrenic Lesbians by Josh J. (usaking) - Comedy -  A little girl and her grandma go on an adventure to get her tampons back from the guy who stole them. Rated NC-17 for scenes involving incest, pedophilia, cursing, nudity, sexual macarenas, hardcore sex, and mild violence. 89 pages - pdf, format


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usaking
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
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This script took me about 4 months to finish, which is the longest time it has ever taken me to finish such a script. This is a rough draft, so it probably does have some errors. I hope people get a real laugh out of the story.
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ajr
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 1:27pm Report to Moderator
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Well after that laundry list of societal more-breakers, I'm glad you warned us about the mild violence...  


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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screenrider
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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Josh,

I haven't read the script, but after reading the logline I can't help but wonder why the girl and her grandma just didn't go to 7-11 and buy a new box of tampons?  
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usaking
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
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Well, not every story is supposed to make complete sense. They could have bought tampons, but they decided not to.
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ajr
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 1:50pm Report to Moderator
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Now correct me if I'm wrong because I don't have the right plumbing, but aren't a little girl and a grandmother both outside of the age range of tampons?


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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usaking
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 2:00pm Report to Moderator
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Yes, but this takes place in a world that is close to ours, yet, isn't ours. Another dimension, if you will.
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dogglebe
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 9:11pm Report to Moderator
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I read the first five pages and stopped.  This script is just an attempt at shock humor, which never worked for me.  The references to the writer isn't helping at all.

Sorry.


Phil
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usaking
Posted: March 21st, 2010, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
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dogglebe, I would never waste time on a script for shock humor. Hell, I don't even know what shock humor is. Doesn't sound good though. It's okay if you didn't like it. Lately, my scripts haven't been for everyone, so I can understand. Thanks for reading some of it, though.
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rendevous
Posted: March 23rd, 2010, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
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Nowthennow,

Firstly. Fantastic title. Type of thing I might say in the pub.

I'll be clear. I've only had a scan. But I have to say I like what I see.

You may find this insulting. But have you tried Troma? They might be right up your alley UK, as a start. I usedta deal with them all the time. And damn nice they were too. At least in the actual U.K.

Now. They don't want screenplays at the mo. They haven't for ages. But they haven't seen your stuff. And hell, maybe they really don't wanna.

But. As they said in


Quoted from Sexy Beast
Where there's a will, and there is a fucking will, there's a way."


Be careful tho. Prep is everything. Put some thought in. A lot. A feckload.

I don't think they'd mind me saying they piss movies out (sorry, I've had a few and I'll have a few more). at such a rate it's frightening.

They might actually make your stuff. Right up your alley. No pun intended. If you do get in contact with Troma let me know what happens. I had to deal with the US side on occasion. Slightly less friendly and far more business like. So don't piss em about.

Read their terms here. And study around their site. You may find it fascinating. I do.

Either way, good luck lad.

R


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usaking
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 7:09am Report to Moderator
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rendevous - I have absolutely no interest in Troma at all. I have seen some of their films, and have only found one of them to be "so bad, it's good." The others are a complete mess, which is not what I am looking for at all. I never want any of my scripts to be seen as a "bad" script. This is simply a dark comedy. Of course, I can see why you would recommend Troma to me. I will check out the site, but again, I have zero interest in them.

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usaking  -  March 24th, 2010, 8:49am
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Trojan
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 9:42am Report to Moderator
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Um, who exactly do you see as your audience for this film? What production company could you ever imagine taking on a project such as this? What actors would want to play these characters? How would a film involving incest between a little girl and an old woman ever get made?

As bad as some of those Troma films are, at least there is some semblance of a story. I'm sorry but this script is truly awful. The dialogue is ridiculous because you are trying to be too cute for your own good. All the references to the writer are distracting and are trying to cover for the lack of a story.

I think what you consider 'black comedy', other people see as vile and offesnive. It would be interesting to see what you could come up with if you made an attempt at something that had a real story and characters. Good luck with it though.
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usaking
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 10:02am Report to Moderator
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Trojan - I do not really know the audience for this film/script. I guess I would say people, who are like me, would like this story. As I said before, I know the chances of my scripts being made into films is very little. Anyone with a brain could see that. With all my scripts, I imagine first time actors playing the parts. If you are thinking that an actor like Jack Nicholson would ever want to do this script, the answer is obviously no. Many films that are unbelieveble have been made. Who would have ever thought Pink Flamingos would have been made? Who would have ever thought Cannibal Holocaust would have been made? Certainly not me. These days, anything is possible in films.

WHAT???? I disagree with you about Troma films having semblance. I have seen many Troma films and they are the definition of bad films. To say that my story is worse than Troma stories is an insult, to me. Troma films have no meaning at all. They are made by the lowest of the low.

Of course my dialogue is ridiculous. This is a comedy, so it isn't supposed to be "Citizen Kane" dialogue. The writer is part of the story, which is one of the main points, but I guess you missed that.

It is obvious to me that my scripts aren't for everyone. Trojan, you seem to be someone who I don't think will ever like my surreal scripts. As said a few days ago, I am currently working on my first full length "normal" script. Maybe you will like it, maybe not. I just don't think you are used to surreal stories at all. This is a real story with real characters. I believe I argued this with you before. As much as you hate the story, which I know you do, this is a real story and so are the characters.

I really do wish, in the future, that you will like my scripts. I can tell you take scriptwriting seriously, and so do I. Maybe you will enjoy my next script, or at least appreciate more than my past scripts.
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CindyLKeller
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Don
Schizophrenic Lesbians by Josh J. (usaking) - Comedy -  A little girl and her grandma go on an adventure to get her tampons back from the guy who stole them. Rated NC-17 for scenes involving incest, pedophilia, cursing, nudity, sexual macarenas, hardcore sex, and mild violence. 89 pages - pdf, format


And this is supposed to be "comedy"? What, if anything, is funny?

No, I won't read it to find out. The title and logline disgusts me.



Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
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rendevous
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 3:29pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Robert Kennedy
One-fifth of the people are against everything all the time.


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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Baltis.
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
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Just think, you could always be the John Waters or H.G. Lewis of our time...  I think one of the most pointless movies ever would be Twilight.  It has no value to me at all.  But if you said that to a 15 year old girl she'd probably rally the powder puff girls to kick some ass.  Pointless is subjective if you walk away from "said" script/movie with new insight...

For instance, I had to watch the 1st Twilight... It was horrible.  But it gave me something no other film could.  It let me know 100% that when the next pile of shit Twilight was shot out of some Whales cock not to go see it.

So maybe insight is't the most PR or applicable thing 100% of the time but at least you are now privy to something you weren't before.  Look at it that way, folks.  And, no one is making you read or watch said works.

There was a time when Black exploitations films were the Ants Pants.  Action Jackson - Coffee - and so forth and so on.  I see no value in them at all, either.  Same with I spit on your grave - Last house on the left - Hard Candy and a shit ton gaggle of other frothing piles of pig shit... Doesn't mean someone out there, someone less vocal than myself doesn't like them.

Same with this script here... someone might read it and really like it.  They might get the humor and the jokes and all that.  The vast majority here didn't and that's cool...  I still don't find Dane Cook or Seth Rogan funny. And I think Kate Goslin should be voted off DWTS 1st and go spend some time with her kids too.  1. She's not a star and 2. She's a media whore puppet.

But back to topic, did I like the script here...?  Fuck no.  It was horrible.
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usaking
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 7:36pm Report to Moderator
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Cindy - I don't blame you for hating my script without reading it, even though I find it a tad bit rude. I assume that you think my script is sexist to women, which doesn't surprise me. I am sorry you feel the way you do. None of my scripts are sexist in any way, shape, or form. I do hope that maybe you will at least read some of the script, so that you can at least try to give actual facts on the story and why you don't like it. Otherwise, I don't know why you are upset, because the only thing you are doing is assuming the worst.
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Trojan
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My comments are nothing personal aganst you, merely your subject matter. What is funny about incest? What is funny about pedophilia? These are things that almost everyone finds abhorrent but all of your scripts are littered with them. There is nothing funny about these subject matters and it just makes you seem juvenile as a writer that you continue to write about it.

What I mean about no story here is there is no point to it. Screenrider already pointed out that if they lost their tampons they could just go buy some more. To say we are in an 'alternate reality' does not cut it. This is not a sci-fi script. Characters have to act in a way that seems believable for us to buy into the story. Obviously that does not happen here. To have a feature length film that revolves around a little kid and a woman who should be in a nursing home trying to find stolen tampons is the height of ludicracy.

The dialogue that I was talking about is stuff like this: 'No, the writer is, again, simply
fooling the audience. What we are talking about means nothing at all. He is just trying to waist space because he is a babbling idiot.'

And this: 'When I was a young lad, I used to dream of being in a story that had great character development and amazing dialogue. Sadly, this story seems to be different. The writer must have wrote this story to confuse his audience. What fool would want to read about a girl who is looking for her tampon. I threw her tampon away 499 years ago. That’s right! The story and the plot have not changed because the writer has the ability to do the impossible.'

It reads as one giant 'fuck you' to anybody reading this. Like the whole script is a joke. It is not funny. It is not clever. It is self-indulgent.

Does most of your dialogue here reveal character or move the story forward. Absolutely not. The characters just say random things which they then admit has no meaning and is supposed to fool the audience. This is not a story.

With all that said, I do think you have some potential as a writer. And I actually think you could write a good script if you put your mind to it. Obviously you have a very vivid imagination and you come up with ideas nobody else would ever dream of. If you cut out all the stuff that is going to turn people off then who knows what you are capable of? I'd be interested in reading your 'normal' script when it is done and seeing how that turns out.
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greg
Posted: March 24th, 2010, 11:24pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from usaking
Trojan - I do not really know the audience for this film/script.


This should be the first thing on your mind if you're writing a script to present to the world.  You gotta know who you're writing to and who your target audience is, otherwise reviews like the ones you've received happen.  I can tell you right off that by including pedophilia in a logline for a comedy, you've already slaughtered your audience to next to nothing.  There was a script posted here a few years back entitled "The Child Molester."  You can probably imagine the reception it received just on the title alone.

I actually read the first 10 pages of this and it really does sound like you're trying to be too cute for your own good with some of the dialogue/story telling.  Something odd happens so the characters blame the writer.  Eh.  It's just a random story with weird attempts at humor thrown in.  It just doesn't work.

Your title is good.  The first part of your logline is amusing minus the fact that I don't believe a 12 year old girl or a 98 year old woman have much use for tampons, but they live in another dimension so I'll go with it.  Pedophilia?  No.

I'm on break after tomorrow so I may read the rest of this just for the hell of it.  It bugs me when I start something and don't finish it.  I've got Jack's script ahead of yours, so stay tuned.  But really, from what I've read thus far it's more like the script is trying way too hard to be funny rather than just being genuinely funny.  Kinda like Pauly Shore as opposed to Tom Hanks(he doesn't try to be funny in his comedies, he just is funny).  Don't take that as an insult; you're way more talented than Pauly Shore

Greg


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usaking
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 7:07am Report to Moderator
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Trojan - Pedophilia and Incest are not funny in the real world that we live in, but that is what is so great about storytelling. In stories, people can make incest and pedophilia funny. Of course I don't agree with both of these subject matters, but I believe that I could make them funny. I hate Pink Flamingos, and yet loads of people say it is hilarious. It's purely a matter of taste.

Every story ever told could be easily solved. Did we really have to go on a journey to find out what Citizen Kane meant when he said, "Rosebud"? No, of course not. That could have been done in a second. Do we really have to wait 2 hours to find the real killer in Saw? Again, no. Could have been done in the first 5 minutes. But this is how stories are told.

I admit that this is the only script I've written where characters say random things, but it is part of the story. None of it is supposed to make sense. I thought most people would understand that by now.

I am glad you say I have potential as a writer. Before, it seemed as if you were saying I had no hope as  writer at all. We'll see in the future if you like the script I am warning on, although, only very few of the script ideas I have are "normal", but you probably know that already.

Greg - The first thing on my mind when writing a script is NOT the audience, and it never will be. That's the most absurd thing I have ever heard. When writing a script, I am thinking about the story. The audience can some in the middle or end, but never the beginning.

It isn't supposed to be on of those stories that is told in a line. My story has many directions, like a zig zag. Which is probably why it is confusing to some people. Hopefully, after reading more tomorrow, you might like it a bit.
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Ledbetter
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 8:57am Report to Moderator
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I once wrote a script that I still have in my drawer. It?s a short that deals with a certain issue that many people would find very offensive. I made an attempt to try and bring it to light in a funny way as if to take the reality away and show it as humor.

I finished it and I put it away. I realized as a writer, work is my resume and to a certain degree, I have a responsibility not to myself, not to the script but to the reader as someone who trust that when they open the first page, I made every attempt to create something they would enjoy and take away a clear opinion of the story.

That said I have seen this type of writing. Hell I am one of those writers when I pen something for the sake of attention. But I have learned something on this site. Some of my best work has received very little attention for any a number of reasons but the most attention I have received on a script would be one I know has no chance of ever being filmed.  Not because I don't like it but because I didn't consider my readers wants.

I still suck as a writer, but people here have helped steer me to know what is important if I am going to continue with this endeavor and hone my skills.  
Shawn.....><
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lesmort666
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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i cant believe you are all enabling a  pedophiliac date rapist animal fucking enthusiast
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rendevous
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 9:44pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from lesmort666
i cant believe you are all enabling a  pedophiliac date rapist animal fucking enthusiast


You mean a writer.


Out Of Character - updated


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usaking
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 9:49pm Report to Moderator
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lesmort - I have tried to talk nicely to you, but you are beginning to become very insulting to me. Why are you calling me all of those cruel words? It's one thing to hate my script, but calling me a date rapist enthusiast is going too far. You probably don't think I have feelings, but I do, and what you have said really did hurt me a lot. I can only hope you say sorry for what you have written in the future.
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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 9:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from lesmort666
i cant believe you are all enabling a  pedophiliac date rapist animal fucking enthusiast
  

Now how is this suppose to help the writer?  Read the rules... If you don't have anything constructive to add... then don't.  Your missing a period.

Usaking... I read this the other day but was reluctant to comment.  I got to page 42 and stopped reading the narrative.   Mainly, because I'm trying to find a silverlining in this.  

The mind is a terrible thing to waste.  I've told you this before, you have a good imagination... now put it to use and write about something people would actually go see.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter


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Grandma Bear
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I don't think usaking has ever posted a script here that did not cause controversy. I have read some of his scripts in the past and I have said that I do appreciate his imagination, boldness and fearlessness. Is his scripts for everyone? NO....but seriously, how offended we might be, do we really want to prevent people from writing what they want?

There are LOTS of strange offensive vids out there that I wouldn't want my kids to see, but I still don't like when people tell me what's offensive and what's not. Don does not allow porn to be posted and I think that's a good idea, but to censure scripts because some/most might find it offensive?...  


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usaking
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 10:21pm Report to Moderator
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Ghostwriter - As said earlier, I am currently writing my first "normal" script, which most people will hopefully enjoy. IMO, the mind and its imagination is one of the most important things a human has. I thank you for commenting on mine, although I think everyone has a good imagination, but they don't bother using it as much as they could.

me - I have posted a few scripts that haven't caused controversy in the past. They just aren't very well known, but they do exist.

I can understand why some scripts would be asked to be taken down. I remember my first script was one that I could see was despised by almost everyone. I decided to email Don to take it down because I didn't want to be known for such an atrocity. Unfortunately, it seems as if people still have a huge problem with my scripts and I can kind of see why. I love script writing just as much as anyone on this site, but my stories are much darker, which detracts the readers a lot.
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mcornetto
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 10:25pm Report to Moderator
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I don't think your stories are really that much darker than other stuff I've read on the site.  But I do think that you include lots of morally questionable material in your scripts.   I don't think the darkness is what's turning people off, it's the stuff that's morally objectionable which cause people not to like it.  
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lesmort666
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you guys are right, i don't want to prevent a writer not write what he/she wants, who am i to take away from somebodies creative outlet.
o.k. i give up.
usaking wins!!  

usa king this "screen play" is lacking in any sense of story structure and character development what so ever.

this feels more like deeply weird abstract thoughts formatted too a screenplay, thus making it technically a screenplay.
so good job.
but a terrible screenplay.

looking forward to your "normal screenplay"

p.s. this is the first screenplay i have read of his and didnt know this was a common thing here. =)
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mcornetto
Posted: March 25th, 2010, 10:29pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from lesmort666

p.s. this is the first screenplay i have read of his and didnt know this was a common thing here. =)


It isn't common, just not unknown.

Have you read Through the Fur Trap, Simply
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Grandma Bear
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hey lesmort666, if this is your first script read here, I'm truly sorry!  There are some really good scripts around here. I think we're just trying to help usaking to better the craft of screenwriting.  


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lesmort666
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ok but their was no reason for your narrator to say those things, it made no sense to drug people in your house and have sex with them, you went into explicit detail about this for no reason at all and i didn't feel i reading a screenplay anymore but a confession of maybe a daily routine of yours.
usaking i am sorry i hurt your feelings.

and i apologize to everybody in the simplyscripts community and will resign form having opinions and comments, clearly i missed the point.
sorry again.
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usaking
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lesmort - I do forgive you for your comments. You are new, so I am not angry with you.

Most of my previous scripts are very similar to this one. They are dark, surreal, disgusting at times, and seem to not be liked by most people. You should try reading my second script posted on this site called "V". It's located in the Comedy section of SS and, as I remember, most people thought it was good.
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Grandma Bear
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Quoted from lesmort666

and i apologize to everybody in the simplyscripts community and will resign form having opinions and comments, clearly i missed the point.
sorry again.


Don't be silly!! We love opinions from all people!  



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lesmort666
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i really did enjoy the beginning of the screenplay, i thought it was crazy but crazy funny.
take the narrator out dont be lazy lose the character dialog writer references and i would be on bored.
ciao

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greg
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 6:15pm Report to Moderator
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Josh,

I kept my word and read this.  Most of it anyway.  I think the only surreal thing about this script is that it managed to make it to 90 pages.


Quoted from usaking

Greg - The first thing on my mind when writing a script is NOT the audience, and it never will be. That's the most absurd thing I have ever heard.


I actually said "when you're writing a script to present to the world" you should very much think of who your audience is.  I could go into a whole shpeal about this but...

...by page 30 it became evident that you could give two shits about your audience.  Literally.  The characters said it and I'm pretty sure at some point they were playing with shit.  Or piss.  Or cum.  Or vaginal diarrhea.  The first 10 pages actually had some form of a story.  It was bizarre, unfilmable, and pervertedly disgusting, but there was a story if that counts for anything.  By page 30 I started to just skim when all of the characters kept repeating how this is a shitty story and the reader is an idiot for continuing.  So 30 pages later of a narrator glorifying rape, pedophilia, and other nasty dogshitting activities, I just quickly scrolled to the end.  I dunno, I saw the names of Civil Rights leaders who had been assassinated but didn't read what they said, then at the end I didn't bother to read what those guys were talking about.  And even Osama made an appearance early on.

Uh what?

Honestly, what is this?  It was like a puppet show and you were talking to your characters in your mind, put it on paper, and decided to show it to the world.  This isn't a comedy.  This isn't even a shock piece.  Hell, this isn't even your everyday porno.  It's more like some bizarre fetish script for cum-guzzling pedophiles.  It's unfilmmable and for the most part it's unreadable.  


Quoted from usaking
...but that is what is so great about storytelling. In stories, people can make incest and pedophilia funny. Of course I don't agree with both of these subject matters, but I believe that I could make them funny.


There is absolutely nothing funny about pedophilia.  Period.

The weird thing is that you're probably the most normal guy in real life, right?  So, like, dude, what's going on here?  Why is this up here?  What is it?

The title is good.  The first part of the logline is okay (A little girl and her grandma go on an adventure to get her tampons back from the guy who stole them).  It doesn't really make sense but I'll go with it.  From that moment on it's in a world that no one would ever want to go to.  

You said your other scripts are a lot like this.  I'm very curious to know how you conceived this and what you're hoping to accomplish with it and what your thought processes were.  I am actually genuinely interested to know.  Otherwise, Trojan said it best; this is like a big "fuck you" to the reader.  

I'm pretty sure that's a direct quote from one of the characters, too.

Greg


Be excellent to each other

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greg  -  March 26th, 2010, 6:30pm
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rendevous
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 6:41pm Report to Moderator
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There's nothing that funny about WW2 either. Estimates vary from 50 - 75 million. Depending on who you believe. Either way - biggest loss of life ever. And there is nothing worse. Not even pedos and their deeds.

The Jews lost 6 million people. The Russians lost approx 25 million people.

Don't believe me? Check for yourselves.

However QT did write and direct a recently rather successful drama comedy about it recently. Best Actor at Cannes too.

Comedy isn't really easily pigeonholed. We can laugh at anything. If it's funny.

"'Allo 'Allo!" anyone?

Comedy is one of the best devices we have to deal with tragedy.

I'm an ex Catholic. How do you think I feel about the current antics of my former Church who can't even apologise for the acts commited. Those in the know tell me it will get far worse for the Vatican. As if it isn't bad enough already.

Just cos the pedo thing is the present hot potato in media and minds doesn't mean everyone apart from the chosen few can write about it. Everyone, anyone is entitled to their opinion.

Land of the Free. Home of the Brave. Free speech for all.

What's that phrase Bill Hicks was so fond of. Oh Yes....


Quoted from Bill Hicks RIP
You are free America! Free! Free to do what we tell you. Go back to sleep. Here is six hours of American Gladiators... Go back to sleep. Your government has figured it all out. Go back to sleep...


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rendevous  -  March 26th, 2010, 8:08pm
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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:10pm Report to Moderator
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yes, yes glorifying rape and pedophelia is not o.k. so don't bring it up because honestly this should not be tolerated, on a public domained website, because their may be some young writers and this could de sensitizing to some because of your miscreants, you miscreant, young people are very suggestible.
take it off and think of the people before you of your generation and how you will affect them, as far as i can tell from your profile you are 18 yrs old, which mean that you are considered an full grown adult, take responsibility and move on from childish things.
so stop it, STOP IT, YOU should be ashamed of yourself.

i did read about ten pages of "V" although weird again i thought is was funny, and plan on finishing it soon. as far as i can tell their does to be some outrageous story and character development that could possibly be made into a comic but nothing else but i do have to finish the rest for my full opinion.

V does seem to have some qualities to be produced into a "underground" comic maybe, but i can't exactley say until i read it in its entirety.

but this script again is filth and can't get over it, it has honestly has left me disdained and will never be produced by anyone and probably should be deleted from history so that if you do want to have a possible career in the cinema industry no one can ever use this against you and tarnish your name.    
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Grandma Bear
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
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WHOA!!!!!!


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greg
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from rendevous

However QT did write and direct a recently rather successful drama comedy about recently. Comedy isn't really easily pigeonholed.


Inglourious Basterds was a film that punished the people who committed the atrocities of WWII.  It was a drama that happened to have humor.  Nowhere in that film did it make light of or make jokes about the Holocaust or 50 million people dying or that war is funny.


Quoted Text
on a public domained website, because their may be some young writers and this could de sensitizing to some because of your miscreants, you miscreant, young people are very suggestible.  


It's the Internet.  There's far more desensitizing things out there than text in a word document.


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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
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like what? i have browsed the internet for this past decade and this is the only i came across this vile and disgusting.

I don't think you have read the "narrator" in the whole script, i don't think know one has who argues with me. read it.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:29pm Report to Moderator
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I haven't read this particular script, but I'm not a stranger to usaking's scripts so I feel I don't need to read this one to get an idea what it is. I can tell you though that I've read and seen some really bad things on the web. It's out there. I seriously doubt that a lot of "kids" are going to come to this site and read this particular script. Lastly, this is Don's site and if he wants it posted, he can post it. It's not for you to decide.


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Baltis.
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from lesmort666


but this script again is filth and can't get over it, it has honestly has left me disdained and will never be produced by anyone and probably should be deleted from history so that if you do want to have a possible career in the cinema industry no one can ever use this against you and tarnish your name.    


Too late... mauaahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahah -  Oh, wait.  It's not worth keeping on my hard drive that long.  Then again, I think people arguing over this bit is a bit of a waste of time, to be honest.  Let the dude write what he wants.  

I personally don't like seeing people get fucked up and mutilated but you still see people going to Rotten.com, don't you?  

I personally don't like pedophilia myself... But the reality of the situation is, it happens.  And nothing is safe from parody.  Certainly not the truth.  Not saying this script has anything grounded in truth but there is a reason the guy wrote it... He probably used it as an exercise and is probably loving all the attention he's getting from it.

I'm sorry you're traumatized by it... Hell, I kinda am too.  But this one time I seen a guy get his head blown clean off at the jaw bone by an inflatable raft.  It upset me a great deal but as long as I let it bother me... I bet me talking about it bothered more people.  

Basically, just shut the fuck up and let it go.  And, if you look on the sunny side of the calico cats ass here... The script sucked so bad no one impressionable will want to read past 5 pages.  Rest easy.
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Shelton
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from lesmort666
like what? i have browsed the internet for this past decade and this is the only i came across this vile and disgusting.  



You've never been to efukt.com, have you?


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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:37pm Report to Moderator
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so don is an advocate of pedophilia and date rapist how too's , i'm not kidding this is not a script or a screenplay past 30 pgs to like 60 to the 70th pg. its a mockery of the art screenplay writing, its a big bitch slap to face who take this medium seriously.

freedom of speech is ok, and so is mine.
and so is common sense and reason honestly take a look at this.

and being rick rolled is horrendous. lol
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Grandma Bear
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from lesmort666
so don is an advocate of pedophilia and date rapist how too's ,

A banning coming soon?

Go read something by Donatien Alphonse François.


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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:45pm Report to Moderator
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o.k. i am done here, baltis your right this is an excercise on how far can someone take such crap and get away with it, obviously you know all about excercises.

i am done with this website and everybody inside of it.
i feel disgusted with all of you that said let this punk write what he wants to, taking an innocent child or full grown victim and sodomizing them, yup lets all celebrate josh's wonderful masterpiece.

i am a new comer her and maybe i don't know what the norm is here, but i know whats WRONG. i can tell that some of are just fu cking retards and i no longer want no part in this website anymore.

so enjoy yourselves because you  all need to take a good long hard look in the mirror and think about what you stand for in life.

this screen play is joke and a god damn mockery.
peace.  
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Baltis.
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:47pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from lesmort666
o.k. i am done here, baltis your right this is an excercise on how far can someone take such crap and get away with it, obviously you know all about excercises.

i am done with this website and everybody inside of it.
i feel disgusted with all of you that said let this punk write what he wants to, taking an innocent child or full grown victim and sodomizing them, yup lets all celebrate josh's wonderful masterpiece.

i am a new comer her and maybe i don't know what the norm is here, but i know whats WRONG. i can tell that some of are just fu cking retards and i no longer want no part in this website anymore.

so enjoy yourselves because you  all need to take a good long hard look in the mirror and think about what you stand for in life.

this screen play is joke and a god damn mockery.
peace.  


If you leave, can you leave your ball, catchers mit and bat so the rest of us can still play?  

Look,  I agree, the script is horrible.  I don't think anyone here said otherwise.  What I don't agree with is how upset you're getting over it... You didn't have to read it, man.  You actually got further than I did cos I don't think I made it to anyone gettin' Ass Rode.  So, yeah... It musta been like a really bad car wreck you just couldn't look away from.  There are tons of good scripts here.  Tons of productive writers here with serious works you could learn from.   Or, if you don't want to learn, just enjoy reading and experiencing.   But to say Don supports pedophillia because someone posted a script on his site ...????  C'mon now.  That's like saying Bill Gates is responsible for Child Porn cause he made the internet & file management more accessible with Windows.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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Your problem is attacking another writer.

As far as pedophilia or child abuse goes, I have probably have that more than anyone else here in my scripts. It's something I feel VERY strongly about. Is usaking handling those subjects in a morally accepted way? Probably not, but for you to come here and attack people like you have really pisses me off!


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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
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yeah your right before i leave i am sorry for attacking baltis, and i want to apologize.
but i feel the idiocracy in this community far beyond me.

sorry baltis, your right josh is probably loving this attention.

but i feel josh needs help and should probably be locked away from the majority of society who can not properly protect themselves from such monsters as him.

and i didn't say don advocated such such was an personal attack at the webmaster, but what yellow said to me. i know what the webmaster posts doesn't exactly reflect them.

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lesmort666  -  March 26th, 2010, 8:10pm
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Baltis.
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:08pm Report to Moderator
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Not mad at ya.  It takes a lot to piss me off and or get under my skin.  People are different and have different levels on which they deal with things.  What may come easy to you, may very well be hard for me.  And vice versa and so forth and so on.  I wouldn't leave the site on the account of one script/writer, though.  It's like having one bad apple and then saying to yourself  "That's it, no more apples for me".
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screenrider
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:08pm Report to Moderator
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Lesmort,

Your concern is valid.   We should all take a good hard look at this....

http://www.wcjb.com/news/6468/person-charged-for-the-abduction-and-murder-of-somer-thompson

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rendevous
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
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Here is the score as I see it.

Writers write scripts.

They become (great) films. If the writer is lucky enough.

Don, bless him, gives writers a chance in this process. Don just enables writers to post their scripts. He isn't endorsing them in any way. Don't be silly.

I don't like adverts. So. I don't watch them. I don't bitch about them. They are as inevitable as death and taxes. If you don't like it then run! Run to the hills! Other scripts are available.

land of the free. home of the brave.


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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
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i didn't say don advocated such such was an personal attack at the webmaster, but what yellow said to me. i know what the webmaster posts doesn't exactly reflect them.

and yes thank you screen rider

I have a family and many young children in my family and i don't like to see this being tolerated so easily.
god again i feel like a jack-ass but this ate-away at me.

because their is an unknown man who drives around the neighborhood of where i do live and has asked some of my young cousins and sisters to get in a car with him.
and sometime i feel helpless because their nothing i can do.

maybe i took it out on some juvenile writer, i hope he stray away from these topics and think about the people beyond him, who he is hurting and affecting.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:18pm Report to Moderator
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this isn't about whether or not we are against pedophilia or not. Everyone is!  This is about you showing up and attacking a writer saying his script should be removed and suggesting the webmaster Don is for this sort of thing.

And who the hell is yellow?


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mcornetto
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:30pm Report to Moderator
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The answer is that if you see things that are going to offend you in a script then simply do not read it.   It isn't like he didn't warn you these things would be in the script.  
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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:33pm Report to Moderator
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baltis, you are right the bad apples comment was pretty funny and made alot of sense too me and i think i have taking this forum too far for my own good, and want to walk away and just let it rot, even though as much as i want to throw in it the trash can i am going to walk away from this.

i am working on a screenplay myself and wanted to post so that i can get honest opinions and advice, but this is the second screenplay that i have read because the title caught my eye because i thought it might be funny and introspective and good for a silly laugh,i don't know. Maybe i should have taking the plotline more seriously and just said no. yes it did turn out to be garbage and i ran with it way too far than i should have and i apologize to everybody in the simply scripts community but i think i am going to take a break from the forums for awhile work on my screenplay and hopefully by that time this whole thing will have blown over and i get an honest opinion from everybody respectively when i decide to post.



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Shelton
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
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Okay.  Catch ya later.


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rendevous
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
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Hey. I dunno. Me scared. World scary. I'm gonna buy 24 beers and 400 cigarettes then get duvet over head and bolt door. And say nothing. To no one. Is that okay by everyone?

Life sucks. Getta helmet

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Grandma Bear
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:44pm Report to Moderator
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well, if you change your mind about reading scripts and receiving comments on your own scripts, feel free to come back. There are lots of good scripts here and lots of people who give great feedback regardless of genre and who don't attack the writer...


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bert
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
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What I want to know is why -- out of the thousands of scripts to chose from on this site -- a new member would gravitate to this material above all else.

While I will sometimes content myself to play Fletcher to Don's Bligh on the good ship SS, I do laud his commitment to free speech even when I disagree with him.

I would not post this stuff.  But it ain't my site.

I do not read this stuff.  Why the f**k would you?

Read this script at your peril, and if you can formulate something constructive to say, feel free to say it.

Otherwise, ask yourself if you are actually contributing here, or merely feeding the beast.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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mcornetto
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
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I actually think this is a special case and it's understandable WHY people attack the writer.  And while that is not ever the correct approach, I think enough people understand that reaction - in this case.  So you shouldn't need to worry about people holding a grudge against you about it.  Though Josh might have a bit of a grudge...hard to tell with that guy.
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lesmort666
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 8:54pm Report to Moderator
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hunter.s.thompson fan, i hear yeah yes i am feeding the beast.
and i give up again,
but the narrator of this story doesn't make any freaking sense, which is randomly introduce in the middle of the story to interject through out most of the story for no apparent reason at all, and all of which is said is no way at all has to do with anything with the story and like i said before feels more like a confession/diary and as said the writer before hand introduces himself into the story for no reason at all to propel the story other than have his word which has a common theme through out the entire script which power, power over somebody weak and less able themselves read it for your self he fits the classic profile. dominance is a main them here and its very disturbing.  
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usaking
Posted: March 26th, 2010, 10:45pm Report to Moderator
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Greg - First off, thank you for reading my script. As you may or may not habe known by now, I really like surrealism and use it in a lot of my scripts. Of course, I also am very fond of dark and disturbing subjects. So, I mix them both in to create most of my scripts.

Obviously, like most people,, you didn't find the script very funny or amusing at all. I get a lot of my ideas from, well, nature itself. Usually I will be out on a walk and notice a person, plant, or animal, and then write it down on a piece of paper. Why? Because what I see, for me, would be interesting in a story. That is how I get most of my ideas. The world is my idea, in a weird way. Stuff I see on the news, outdoors, indoors, etc... They are all ideas for me to snatch.

Lesmort - I purposely write the NC-17 stuff in my logline so that kids would be safe from reading this script, so there is no need to worry about that at all. If a kid decides to read this script, I'm sorry, but it's there own fault for not listening to the rating I gave it. Please don't judge SS just by my scripts. There are thousands of scripts on this site that are not like mine at all, and I am sure you would enjoy them.

Baltis - You seem to be another guy that thinks I wrote this script for attention, which is totally not true. I don't know how to convince you and others that I write scripts because I love stories and writing. But if you honestly think I want attention, well, it's your own opinion and I won't hold it against you.
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rendevous
Posted: May 13th, 2010, 3:21pm Report to Moderator
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Judgement. We all do it.

I don't like bullies. Never have. I don't like orders. I'm not a barman or a waiter. And I'm certainly not getting paid. I may have to get a proper job again. Oh dear.

This is an old thread but I think there are lessons to be learned, from the wise.

Writing scripts is bound to atrract some attention. Unless you keep them in a drawer then forget about them.

Like old kings usedta hide their coins and jewels then forget.

Tarantino emptied his drawer and got his clever arse inside Sundance. It was there he met Tony Scott who offered to buy both True Romance and Reservoir Dogs. And the rest is history.

I'll close with this thought. Without free speech we lose our liberties.

A lot of good people fought, for themselves and others, to have those two important nuggets. For now and forever. Until death do us part.

We're getting there. I think most people agree things are better now than they were.

When you look back on what has been, in those big dusty books you see things and situations you don't see any more.

Curtailing liberties and free speech, and the freedom to to say and write whatever you like are some of the most important things we have.

Look at how people live under the tyrants still in power. Are they allowed to practise those rights.

Now. All that reads a bit too clear to me. Where's me oily rag? Bugger. Lost it. Again.

Nuff said. Evening all. Be good. And have a lickle fun. It's good for the soul.

R


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jwent6688
Posted: May 13th, 2010, 4:34pm Report to Moderator
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R.

I'm sure the mods are happy about you giving this one a boost.   [bert's edit:  Nay...ecstatic...]

I read a little bit awhile back. Nothing offended me and I'm all about free speach.

I aslo think this lad types with one hand under the keyboard if you know what I mean... Would explain the typos.



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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: May 13th, 2010, 5:21pm Report to Moderator
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This is a very funny script. It's had me in stitches several times.

Some of the dialogue is genius. Really, really funny.

I was slightly disappointed when the story kind of ended and it went all self-aware. I was really enjoying the action until then. Sure it's goofy, but it felt very refreshing, just totally balls out and funny.

I' ve seen that you are capable of creating some really off the wall stuff, so bring in more bizarre plot twists and leave the writing jokes out of it.

There are also parts where the dialogue is too long and becomes a bit of a chore to read....particularly between pages 15 and 24. You could chainsaw a good bit out of that part...it's not as punchy as some of your other stuff. You're best when it's quick fire puns back and forth.

Also, although I found the narrator amusing, I did think that part when on just a little too long. The part with Mark Kermode however was absolutely on target...that was a classic moment.

I enjoy your stuff, I do. I know people get all upset about it, but I enjoy it. I'd watch it as well.

Rick
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