Daniel, this has the potential to be a cute and quirky comedy; which I enjoy watching.
I would like to recommend the Screenwriters Bible, by David Trottier. Great used price on Amazon.
Just reading the first 10 pages or so... you have way too much dialogue and not enough description.
After reading the Logline, I think getting daddy's car fixed is the least of their worries. This story need some tweaking. A story like this should have more description. |