Leprechaun Treasure by Brian Carraher - Comedy - A human-leprechaun must find a priceless artifact before a leprechaun enslaves humanity. 107 pages - pdf, format

I don't know if it's just me, but I did find this amusing, even though it's not my type of thing. Good job.

so i read the first ten pages of your script. pretty interesting stuff. a lot going on.

first i like to say that your writing is good. i could visualizes everything that went on...

page 1 -- to me MR. LEPRECOLLINS seems like the villain. i like how you start off with two security officers on the ground knocked out.  way to grab the reader..
now me personally i don't like using (o.s.) but i a bit confused cause you show the driver of the dump truck but you us (o.s.). if i remember correctly (o.s.) is used for characters who are talking but not shown on the screen. if it was me i will take out (o.s.) and simply put his face can not been seen. cause if he's on the screen and talking then it's not (o.s.) check out the script pulp fiction when marsellus talks to butch about fixing the fight. notice how it was set up. the writer uses (o.s.) cause we do not actually see marsellus on the screen. but we see MEIRLEACH driving. so we can't use (o.s.)

page 3 -- the dialogue is good. but when evil - heart - frey steps into his barn i wouldn't be "why you steal my money?" i'll yell and charge after him.

page 5 -- behold my  leprechaun lair! -- okay

it seems that Meirleach is a show off. pretty interesting.

page 7 -- merileach reminds me of a version of robin hood. if that's what your pulling than it sounds like a great story..

page 8 -- i know i said i like the dialogue but when MR. LEPRECOLLINS and MR. BERARDI where speaking it to me sounded force. like i understand that a  leprechaun  talks alot. but usally mob bosses don't speak that much.
it didn't seem natural.

so i only read the first ten pages and it definitely shows promise. the action block is well written. and the story seems like it can hold.

good luck with the script

ugo