SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 7:37am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Sunset Boulevard Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 8 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Sunset Boulevard  (currently 1028 views)
Don
Posted: April 26th, 2004, 1:10pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Sunset Boulevard (2003) by Michael James - Drama - When Emma moves to Hollywood to become a star she soon learns only one question matters... 'how far will you go?'  A drama about pursuing dreams and the price to be paid. - pdf format.

Script removed by request


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
mikehill1215
Posted: April 26th, 2004, 6:10pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
29
Posts Per Day
0.00
Thanks Don for posting 'sunset boulevard'....

This screenplay is the first piece of screenwriting I ever did.  I literally sat down with no idea how to write a screenplay, armed only with a borrowed copy of final daft 5.0.   Three months later I had my very first draft complete.  I was hooked.  After spending another month polishing it, I finally shelved it to move on to other projects. 

Forward 2 years...I'm  converting my script files to a new software program when I run across this original draft.  I sat down just to give it a quick read for laughs... 2 months later I had a completely re-worked story.  The new version retains some of the originals elements but has a much darker storyline...enjoy. 

P.s.  before the posting starts, yes, the main character's name should read "Faith" not "Emma"...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
MomboMan
Posted: April 27th, 2004, 5:29pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
7
Posts Per Day
0.00
After 35 pages I wanted to stop for a moment and give some thoughts:
--The dialogue is excellent!
--The opening is very well done!
--I like the ‘Flash Back.’ HOWEVER, I would make it more than 6 months. Give us a little space. I would say 2 years. Unless I missed something… Is 6 mo. pertinent to the story/plot?
--When Faith and  Natasha are driving to ‘some destination,’ and Faith states that Natasha is her “best friend,” how can that be? They just met. Right?  Should be “me,” instead of “your best friend” wash away into poverty...

--At this point, I presume Natasha has introduced Faith to prostitution. Right? I think this is a BIG step for Faith. Yet you just  CUT that whole experience out. And Natasha never informs Faith that this is what she will be doing for the night. And does Natasha have a PIMP?  I got the feeling this all happened tooo quick.

--The attitude so far is: A girls gotta do whatta girls gotta do. And Prostitution is “just a job.” I just don’t think most people, actually, very few, would take that kind of attitude toward such job.  I mean, it is illegal.

Here is my suggestion: Damien, that BAD GUY PIMP, sees Faith with Natasha. He likes what he sees. Damien then goes to work behind the scene to get Faith to work for him i.e. He gets her fired. He loans her money, etc. Then… after a few days, he tells her to PAY UP!

Personally, I would like to see Faith ‘forced’ into this line of work…not go sooo voluntarily.

Just my opinion. Good Luck


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
mikehill1215
Posted: April 27th, 2004, 8:54pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
29
Posts Per Day
0.00
Mombo...

Thank you for the comments!  They are much appreciated.  Instead of answering your questions about what the girls are doing, I ask that you keep reading as all should come clear.  I look forward to hearing your opinion of the entire script, and thanks again for taking the time to read it.

Mike
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006