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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Simply The Godfather Moderators: bert
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  Author    Simply The Godfather  (currently 7012 views)
Don
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 1:04pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Simply The Godfather by George Willson - Drama - An aging Don Admin intends to pass control of the SimplyScripts domain to one of the younger posters, Alan Holman, who just wants to live a quiet life with Banana Chan until he is drawn into the seedy underworld of the online script domains. 162 pages - rtf/pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Antemasque
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
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~SPOILERS~

    






- I love the feel for the script. It's unlike anything written on here and it definitly is a notch up from anything else.
- Okay so i'm married to Andy. Great. haha.
- So far everyone is introduced nicely and they all bring there own little style to the script and i like that.
- Okay so is Banana a real person on here or am i missing something?
- I got dimples!!!!!!! Shit. haha.
- And now i have peach fuzz. This is getting a little sexual now isent it?
- Hold up so Andy is rich with money. Well of course i will marry you Andy   hahaha.
- Wow George. For thinking of all this i see how creative you really are. All these stories and what's going on is very creative. Good job.
- I wasn't too fond of Mike's character. Something just seemed missing from his character. I don't know what it is but yeah.
- You say Wesley looks like any young Mod on a trip. Well describe this a little more. What is he wearing? Does anyone around him have any reactions towards him?
- Hot damn! I was right. This is getting sexual.
- What are Zoetropes? Or will i find out later in the script? Or have i missed what they were?
- Alan and Banana are going to New Hampshire. You tell us this but you do not show it. Maybe show some people talking about it or something.
- Hahahaha. Stifler is there. Gave me a good laugh to see that name once again.
- Ahhhhhh. More Stiflers. I'm cracking up here.
- AHHHHHHH! More Stiflers!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Paris Hilton.
- A murder. Now this is getting interesting.

So far i am 32 pages into your script and it has it's reasons to have me continue reading it. Usually once i am 30 pages in the script i stop and make some comments about what i have read. So far your script is unique and different but i think it could use more action. I know it's building up characters and what not but someparts of it are just dull. Yes i said it dull.

But that's not a bad thing. It keeps me reading. And i enjoy reading it. I just think some of the dull parts should be changed. Like some of your dialouge goes on forever. Have someone interject or something while someone is talking. Now back to the script.

- Well we have Don being killed. This is starting to be cliched but he is the godfather in this script. And the godfather must get shot. haha.
- Now this is getting exciting and it's all going by fast. Really enjoyable now.
- Some of the action parts seem to go on forever and i think you could touch it up a little and make them smaller. It could help the length of the script. Yes it is long but most of this does seem important and it is enjoyable.
- And i have seen NO spelling errors at all so far. Good work.

I'm done taking little side notes and i'll tell you what i think of it overall.

After page 52 i started to read and enjoyed it as much as i enjoyed when i left off. But as i got more and more the same thing happened that happened in the beginning. It got slow and what not. I've seen the Godfather and i know it's a slow movie so there wasn't much that you could do with it.

EACH and every one of your characters are fleshed out nicely and i can picture everything you write. You are a fantastic writer George and one of the best on this site i believe. And you also have great ideas... i mean who else would of thought of this!

I think now you should work on your own though. I really wanna see an original idea from you. I'm not saying i didn't like this, i loved it but i wanna see what else you can whip up. This is definitly a good add to the SS library and i still see many many more SS scripts in the future. I can even bet someone will do this with a horror movie in the future. I know it. I really do. Haha.

Alan and the Banana are a great duo and now since i know the significance of it i laugh every time they come along in your script. I don't think you left out one person on here and that is amazing to do. Everyone should be happy if they can take the time and read it like i did. In the end it was worth it and i'm glad i took my time to read it.

Some of the dialouge lagged but that can always be fixed. I mean all scripts/movies have dialouge that is messed up or lagged ya know? And i have still not found A SINGLE spelling error in this. I am amazed at this. 160 pages and i noticed not one error. That should deserve an award for you all alone.

And i beat up Andy? I would never hit a girl jeez. But i get beat up for it so it's all good. I derserved it. And just a little question... Andy tells me not to be a recluse... is that a little script reference you threw in there for me. hmm? And i'm a fucking dick. hot damn! Punching pregnant wives. Haha. At least i have the decency to ask her to make me food.  

Ba Fa Goule? Did i miss something? Okay now i know your making script reference for me. Actually there are many from everyone. I like it.

Well as we get closer to the end the speed picks up again and it doesnt stop until the end. Amazing script George and you got a 10/10 on it. Be proud of this. I'm proud of you. And damn... i had to die.

Andrew

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Antemasque  -  March 26th, 2006, 6:57pm
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James McClung
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 2:02pm Report to Moderator
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Wow! Simply The Godfather! I was expecting something big but not this big. It'll take me a while to read this considering the length and I have another script to read before this but when I'm done, I'll be sure to check this out.


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George Willson
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
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Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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Well, Andrew, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. I can't take a whole lot of credit for everything that goes on in here since a good deal of it is the fault of Francis Ford Coppola and Mario Puzo. At first glance, it might look like all I did was change the names in the script and that's it, but upon closer examination, you'll find a lot of the dialogue is changed as well as some locations, and some situations. In other wods, I tweaked it A LOT. you can't just watch the original and do a name or line subsitution here and there.

However, I did leave a lot of the poorly written description that occasionally tells more thanit shows and occasionally doesn't tell enough. I corrected a lot of it, but some of it, I just figured "This is for fun" and left it alone.

This is partly a parody of The Godfather (obviously) so as a result, I have everyone playing roles that may not necessarily match their normal demeanor...although some might come close. It is a bit on the long side, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I will say that as I was doing my re-readings that I thought it moved kind of fast and I got a kick out of it. Then again, I know both stories fairly well (The Godtfather and my revamp of it).

Obviously, I'm not necessarily looking for feedback is so much as everyone just enjoying the read. And to answer the inevitable, I considered adapting Part II, but I'm not sure it would work as well since it's a much, much different story.

The following people were unfortunate enough to appear in this script.

Don (as Don Admin)
Alan Holman
Dogglebe (as Phil Dogglebe)
Heretic
Wesley (as Steven Wesley)
The Goose
Kevin Revie
Greg (as Greg The Doc)
Alfred Hitchcock
Bert
Andy Petrou
Andrew Romance
Topher (as Ziggy Topher)
Mike Shelton
CindyLKeller (as Mama Cindy)
Dr. Mabuse
R.E. Freak
Helio
Kevan (as Kevan Craft)
George Willson
Bigwhoop (as Ben Bigwhoop)
LesleyLJ21 (as Lesley)
Breanne (as Breanne Holifield)
Tomson
Impulse
Big Bad Brian
American SyCo
Tony Tuff Nutz
Higgonaitor
James McClung
The ImagiNation
Wolfsfang
SfPunk
Takeshi
MacDuff
Ice Rose
FilmMaker 06/CH Harris/Jesus Freak/Third Day/Rapture
Nixon
The Dead Walk 2 Nite
Balt
Jerdol
Iron Peace

The following people are mentioned:

E.T.
Paradoxical Shaman
NWO133 (aka Maurice L. Brown "The Chosen One")

Hope you all enjoy it. And Andrew, I hope you finish it. Those dull parts will eventually pan out to somthing interesting. I will say that the first time I watched The Godfather, I was bored too. But it's one of those things that grows on you after awhile.

Oh, and Banana Chan is the brain child of Alan Holman. For awhle, he would pimp his Anime series on EVERY SINGLE THREAD HE TOUCHED! I thought it only appropriate he marry his own creation.



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George Willson  -  March 29th, 2006, 7:12pm
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bert
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from George Willson
However, I did leave a lot of the poorly written description that occasionally tells more thanit shows and occasionally doesn't tell enough. I corrected a lot of it, but some of it, I just figured "This is for fun" and left it alone.


Just so I'm clear -- you actually took the script for Godfather, then went into it and fiddled around with the individual scenes -- so that this will actually be pretty true to the source material?

That is, if we read this, we are actually reading -- to some extent -- the words of Coppola and Puzo...and Willson?

That's a pretty nifty idea.  Maybe not worthy of a sequel, but very nifty indeed.  Just wanted to make sure I understood correctly before jumping into 160+ pages.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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George Willson
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert
Just so I'm clear -- you actually took the script for Godfather, then went into it and fiddled around with the individual scenes -- so that this will actually be pretty true to the source material?


This is exactly what I did. Most of the scenes play out exactly as they originally did, but what I've done is change the characters and context so that instead of a war between families, we get a war between domains. Instead of consigliaris, we get moderators. Instead of the Corleone family, we get SimplyScripts members who act like family. Instead of someone proposing that the Corleone family get into the drug business, we get  someone proposing that SimplyScripts get into the fiction business.

That sort of thing. I think it's fun.

Helio opens and I do hope his speech sets the warped tone for the whole thing.


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Antemasque
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
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Your review is finished George.
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George Willson
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:59pm Report to Moderator
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I tried to place a script reference for every single person I put in it (if I knew of a script they did). Yes, The Recluse was a reference for you. Ba Fa Goule was a line already there. I imagine it's italian cursing or something. I probably should have changed it to something amusing. I may still do so.

Oh, and I wish I could have included everyone, but as I was writing, I discovered some more people I couldn't put in. I was bummed and considered adapting the sequel just to get everyone else, but like I said, it's a totally different story, and this is long enough by itself.

Glad you enjoyed it, Andrew, and no worries...I am polishing something original.


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Alan_Holman
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 9:27pm Report to Moderator
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You've done great things to and for me with this script; on this, the eve of my 25th birthday ... which is April 19th, by the way, the same day when the FINAL DRAFT of Banana Chan will be online for all to see.

-I missed FAMILY GUY for this one ... ON PURPOSE!  NOTHING makes me miss new FAMILY GUY episodes on FOX each Sunday night! ... until THIS SCRIPT came along!  Because, THIS IS THE BRILLIANTERIFFICEST MOVIE SCRIPT ON SIMPLY! (The brillianterificest TV scripts are the Banana Chan series.)
-"The Zoetropes" "domains" "the hitch" ... priceless.
-You got aspects of Banana's personality wrong ... but that makes it sort of like watching a sitcom like Seinfeld or Cosby, in which people use their real names but they play slightly different personas, and that's always cool, so that's one of many things which makes this script awesome
-The "prince" aspect of my character reminds me of when I played Malcolm in a local production of MacBeth ... I'm an actor.
-"... and we put all the tanuki out on the street." LMFAO!!!!

Too much to comment on ... too much inspiration to do other things.  I love this script, George!


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George Willson  -  June 8th, 2006, 10:41pm
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George Willson
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 9:59pm Report to Moderator
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Alan, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the compliments. You are correct in that all of this is basically people playing roles that may not reflect who they really are. As Andrew already mentioned, he wouldn't actually beat Andy.

Tomson, happy reading.


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CindyLKeller
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 12:02pm Report to Moderator
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George,
What a story about our family here at simplyscripts.   Ma Ma Cindy  





SPOILERS

I like how you etched our members into the Godfather story. Let another site mess with us! LOL
I can tell you put a lot of thought and work into this. I enjoyed the story immensly.

Things that I especially liked:
Paris Hilton loosing her head.
Lesley Wesley. That's cute.
Bacon-not-ham friend.
Andy's baby's name.
Impulse's tongue of speech.
When the tanuki threw the ball to the children... My goodness!
CH Harris (formerly fimmaker 06)
Jesus Freak (formerly CH Harris)
Third Day (formerly Jesus Freak)
Rapture (formerly Third Day) ... LMAO

A line on page ten had me scratch my head... Andy slips one of her hands is slid under his jacket. A line you had gone over and changed part of. I've done this, too.
You forgot the "n" in children on page 95, too, but for all those pages that's all I found.

This was a good read.

Cindy





Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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thegardenstate89
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 1:08pm Report to Moderator
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George, I'm just strarting to read this.

It actually gave me quite a scare to see that you were doing a redention of the Godfather story because I was just  in the bathroom thinking, somebody should do a simplyscripter redention of Apocaplyse Now WRitten by Francis Ford Copolla and John Milius as well as being based of the book Hearts of Darkness and title the script Threads of Darkness. I will  be reading this today though.
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George Willson
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 1:54pm Report to Moderator
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Cindy, glad you enjoyed it. Can't get enough of those warm, fuzzy comments. Thanks for catching some typos. I blame the Zoetropes, but I fixed them anyway.  

One of my faves is the conversation near the beginning between Don and Bigwhoop about "the boy from Sicily"... I read that just now when I corrected one of the typos, and I still laughed.

Tony, I hope you get a kick out of your role and partner in this one. And if someone wants to mess with Apocalypse Now, it would have to be someone else. I finally finished something of my own again recently, and I need to do more of that...get myself off of everyone else's call list for awhile.


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thegardenstate89
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 4:13pm Report to Moderator
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"Your pacing, it be good, but the
plot have many holes."

Hahaha. Very funny script. Very clever. George, I found the descriptions well written. I did spot a few minor errors, except I can't really remember. I'm amazed you did your own take on almost every single thing from the godfather.

I love how you even add in Francis Ford Coppola's name and his production company Zoetrope. A great homage.
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George Willson
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 4:22pm Report to Moderator
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Glad you enjoyed the script, Tony. I think in the line you quoted in the original, the character sings a bit of the Star Spangled Banner. Had to be adapted.

I spent a good month on rewriting this thing and then going back over and back over various aspects of it. That out of country bit with you in it was an especially big pain since it was outside of the rest of the story's regular environment. You wouldn't believe how many different place names I went through.

Thanks again for the comments.


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