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First off iradiscence, I would like to say thanks for your comments. Your suggestion of having a guy sleep over with Evelyn as one of my first scenes seems to work well. I'll give that a shot. I also like your metioning of the psychiatrist. True I did rush those parts a bit. I've re-written this story about 3 or 4 times. there are some scenes I'll definetly delete the lunchtime chaotic crowd. it does make more since for Arie to just look in her purse and return it later that night.
second, you really took time to write down your thoughts in full detail. i'm glad you had question concerning Madison. Madison, simply put, is a two-faced bitch. she is cold to Evelyn becuz she's afraid Arie will fall for her the same way she fell for him. She's nice to Evelyn around Arie because she doesn't want to seem too jealous. She knows that if she makes her jealousy obvious Arie would definetly consider calling off the engagement. Yes I will introduce Madison earlier in the story.
Are you new to posting, if your are let me again thank you. You chose to read my story out of thousands of others... I'm honored. To wrap things up, I once heard that if a person's story doesn't raise suspition, or call attention to generate questioning/concerns then the story has failed to intrigue the reader.
sincerly, Brandon
"After Dark" "Lie Behind the Eye" "In Came You" "Insatiable" "Bethany" "The Heartbreaker"
Thank you for posting my revision, Don. To everyone else, I just wanted you to know the new tittle of this piece is "In Came You". Thank you very much for any attention, reads, and comments you give me.
~Brandon
"After Dark" "Lie Behind the Eye" "In Came You" "Insatiable" "Bethany" "The Heartbreaker"