Aw man, don't I look like a goose.

I seriously believed Edwina was the killer and this why:

A lot of time and energy of the script is spent on establishing Helen and Edwina and there involvment to Edward. In the second story Susie is haunted by Edward. Susie turns out to be Edwina in past life. Plus not to forget all the focus on Edwina who is blind and a nut bag so I just excepted through out reading that she was the murderer cause all the fingers where pointing at her.

For me Thomas was just background noise and while reading I just ignored him and focused on Helen and Edwina cause they where more interesting. It was only every now and then that Tomas made a little pip to state his infatuation for Helen.

So I am sorry if I missed it. I didn't even click on to Tomas being the killer.    

New title:
Edward's Return
The script has freshly been uploaded on the 26th August 2007.
It has been redafted. Hope you enjoy.

I'll exchange a review for it.
Cheers

Hey Elis,

This was a well-crafted story.  Kind of reminded me of 'Dead again' with it's reincarnation theme and the way you switch back and forth from the past and present.  If you're wondering I didn't really have any trouble following along with all the different time shifts.  I struggled a bit initially to keep track of all the characters but once I oriented myself I was fine.

I found a few spelling mistakes.  On page 47 you have Linda speaking when it should be Helena.  On page 82 - Edwina says 'I would have love(d) to.'  Page 94 - Susie says 'Stay her(e).'

The portrait of Edward mysteriously changing is very creepy - an effective scene.  Why not take it one step further - have his expression change as well.

One issue that needs further clarification - did Madam clair seek out Susie for the seance?  It would seem like good fortune on her (and Edward's) behalf to stumble upon the very person they were looking for by chance.  

Edward's eventual murder occurs rather late in your story.  We know from the get-go that it's coming.  Of course this does play to its advantage but I wonder if the anticipation is a little too drawn out, to the point of creating impatience.  Moving it up even just a little earlier I think would make a big difference.

Pages 58/59 -This is right after the murder we flashback to the present, Linda realizes she had the same dream as Susie.  Alot is going on here, wheels are really turning plotwise and then you insert a redundant scene of Linda and Samule bickering again about the house.  We lose a bit of the momentum you've generated.  I'd stay in the thick of things if I were you.  It's a small scene, granted but it kills the pacing.

Page 60/61 - Linda and Susie's conversation - again I think it kills the pacing a bit.  Not sure this scene is really necessary.  Alot of this information can be implied.

The ending was not what I expected.  It made me snicker a little though - in a good way (no eye-rolling but I'm not sure if this was the reaction you were going for or not).  Edward does get his revenge.  In a sort of 'ain't life ironic' way he made sure Thomas recieved his karma.  I'll give you marks for originality.  Perhaps not quite the bone-chilling ending I was expecting but it was effective and amusing.

One sort of general observation I have is in regards to how you played up the prudishness of people, especially the upper-class, back in the 19th century.  I wouldn't be afraid to poke a little more fun at them.  Not too much, of course; you'll have to tread lightly.  Give some acknowledgement that it's alright to laugh.  You know - that you're aware they're acting rediculous?  I think this was your intention but it is open to interpretation - just maybe be a little more forthright with it.


Despite some quibbles, mostly pacing-wise in a few spots, I enjoyed this story of yours alot.  It was well thought out, all of the characters each had a unique voice and were consistent throughout.  I sort of envision this as a TV movie or something I might catch on public televison, not necessarily something I'd see down at the local multi-plex.  That's not a bad thing, of course.

-Mike

thanks for the read mgj.

You are quite right on keeping up the flow I have now rearranged the two scenes in the mid section and it works really well.

Adding more humor with the period characters is something I will think about. It is a good point.
Thanks for picking up the character switch between Helena and Linda. It makes no difference how many times you can proof read a story sometimes. but fresh eyes will pick it out.

I'm glad you liked the ending. I wanted something that was out of the ordinary and it also gives me a chance for a sequel.

Once again, truly appreciated your review.