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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Untold Story of a Nobody Moderators: bert
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  Author    Untold Story of a Nobody  (currently 1312 views)
Don
Posted: July 5th, 2010, 11:14am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Untold Story of a Nobody by Lawrence Gonsalves JR - Drama - Its about a nobody who believes that to be somebody, he has to become a multi-millionair movie star. He finds out, much to his surprise, that with real people in real life, rather than "reel" people in "reel" life, that is not so. 126 pages - fdr, format



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cloroxmartini
Posted: July 5th, 2010, 5:17pm Report to Moderator
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I don't have Final Draft in order to read this.
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jwent6688
Posted: July 5th, 2010, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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Here's the first 3. I've got FD. Copied an pasted into a mess. Lawrence, You should save as pdf. As far as the writing, I only got through three pages. And no, Don't really have any good feedback for ya.

FADE INTO:
Dark swirling clouds. THE SOUND OF A FISHING VESSEL ENGINE, from a great distance, growing louder.
WE FLY through clouds, a dimly glimpsed ocean below.
TIGER (V.O.)
When I was a kid, I had a dream to be a bodybuilder and in a movie someday.
We are very low over the ocean now, the engine is BUILDING to a PEAK.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN - SUMMER DAY
SUPERIMPOSE OVER ACTION... Whatever The Mind Of A Man Can Conceive And Believe, It Can Achieve.
Now we are in the GEORGES BANK FISHING GROUNDS, scallop boats fish the sea. Quickly we approach the fishing vessel named Patriots.
EXT. FISHING VESSEL - DAY
CAMERA PULLS BACK high and wide. A mountain of scallops sit on deck. Enough to fill a dump truck. Starboard and Port-side DRAG-NETS hang from the boom, STUFFED with another catch.
The Fishing Vessel deck, is about the size of a boxing ring. Two fisherman wearing bright orange oil gear, are bent over picking the catch.
CLOSE UP ON TIGER EVERLAST, he is 38. His olive skin gleams on his muscular-lean body, shining with sweat. His face is stone cold. His eyes show pain beyond his years. He is in his element, determined to work faster and harder than any man on deck.
Tiger PICKS SCALLOP from the pile. His bulging biceps paw none-stop through the catch. Scallops fly between his legs into a wire basket behind him.
He lifts a huge rock overhead AND heaves it overboard.
CLOSE UP ON BUSTA GETTING SPLASHED. He is 37. The brothers could be twins. Busta puffs on a cigarette, less enthusiastic to work.
CLOSE UP OF Tiger's arms scratch and paw through the scallop pile in a zone. He finds a boot and flings it across the deck hitting his brother.
BUSTA gets agitated and takes a long puff from his cigarette. He grabs the boot. Out comes a decomposed foot with three toes. Sea worms had lunch.  
Busta KICKS THE BOOT through the scupper, into the sea.
BUSTA
Tiger no body parts on deck. Chuck em ova the side my brother. Feet, hands, heads are bad-luck on board sea dog.
Tiger looks up.
TIGER
What?
BUSTA
Someone lost a foot.
Tiger chucks a scallop into the sea.
TIGER
A foot, your nuts guy.
Busta grabs a huge stingray fish tail and spins it in circles, 'like he's about to throw for the olympics' and lets the fish fly, across the deck.
The fish lands with its mouth facing up near Tiger.
Tiger shoves his four fingers in it's MOUTH. His MUSCULAR ARM, heaves the fish overboard.
Tiger leans over the rail and watches the fish swim away.
INT. F.V. WHEEL HOUSE - DAY
CAPTAIN CARL is 45. He steers the boat. A two week beard, lives on his face. He looks like he's not slept in two weeks. Carls, POV, as he eye-balls the deck with the microphone in his hand.
CARL (IN MIC)
You like the view Tiger, the more you look at it the longer you gonna see it. Pick scallops and cut scallops so we can go home.
EXT. F.V. WORK DECK - CONTINUOUS
Tiger flips him a middle finger. Then he pokes a FINGER into the monkfish EYE socket and lifts the ugly fish overhead, captured in his fist it flops. Tiger throws the fish into a wire basket.
FROM ABOVE DOWN ON DECK. Busta and Tiger carry baskets of scallops. A foot STEPS ON a flat fish lying on deck, it's eyes bug-out.    
INT. F.V. SHUCK HOUSE - DAY
DOWN ANGLE, SLOW MOTION, Tiger grabs a SCALLOP out of the shuck box. His KNIFE shucks the guts out of the shell and scraps the scallop off the half shell. The meat flies into his bucket. The SHELL is tossed into the sea.
CLOSE UP ON BUSTA SHUCKING SCALLOPS. He leans over the box and makes funny faces while smoking a cigarette.
CLOSE UP Tiger is shucking scallops. His body moves like a rocking chair. Speed up faster than normal, he is quick with a knife. If you blinked you missed it.
TIGER
Busta toss me a butt.
BUSTA
For what?
TIGER
Cause I need one. One less nail on your coffin guy.
Busta lights a cigarette and tosses one over.
TIGER WEDGES the cigarette in a scallop shell. The scallop smokes.
CONTINUED: TIGER
There ya go.
BUSTA
You are waisting my smokes again Tiger!
Busta grabs a scallop and taps the shell with his knife, and opens it with his hands. A large scallop meat is now on the half shell.
CONTINUED: BUSTA
Knock-em out and save the butts.
TIGER
I can cut faster than that dude.
BUSTA
And so you work harder than that.
Tiger shucks one to show off. Then he spears the scallop meat and eats it.
TIGER (CHEWS)
I'll out work any man my brother, even you.


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purplefilms
Posted: September 7th, 2010, 8:22am Report to Moderator
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email it to me: purplefilms@hotmail.com
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ocean
Posted: September 28th, 2010, 1:36pm Report to Moderator
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I read the first 15 pages or so. Nothing happens that takes the story anywhere. Its just wanders around.
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