pg 1. what's a cement apron?
|
Thank you, Pia.
That's what I thought, but I thought not knowing what it was, was just me being stupid.
Anyways, Pia, I can agree with everything you said. I really never liked that "cock" line from Frances, and I had changed Jimmy's name already in one of the rewrites to Jimmy Max Green and he goes by his second name, Max. It drove me up the wall always having these two J's together, but Gary had a lot on his hands as we went back and forth.
For my part in this, I'd really like to see the back story I've been developing come to life, but we need to figure out a way to incorporate it (if that's the direction this thing takes) without bogging this initial "Thief" down.
I've got so many freakin' pieces of Thief on my computer it's ridiculous. One's where Jimmy actually "does" something; so I appreciate your comment on the role he plays in this draft-- basically a non character (from what is showing up on the page).
In my opinion, there's a lot of missed opportunities in this for both comedy, suspense and history of these characters. I have them written as both friends and family. Actually, Darnell and Gabriel are cousins, Jeana is Gabriel's step sister and they're all very tied and even indebted to a certain someone. Yes, would like to see more depth in this.
One version has Darnell selling a risque tape (recorded by Jimmy/Max Green known as THE DRIVE-IN SCENE) to some Mafia Type men who want to ruin Gabriel's career because they think it will hurt Gabriel's father. Darnell does this in a moment of anger after Gabriel leaves to go to Hollywood, leaving his friends and family, namely Jeana and Darnell to care for Gabriel's and Jeana's father. (Lest I say it? L.H.)
Darnell's anger does not last long and he manages to steal back the tape. Shaken, he explains what he did to J-Max who laughs at first, but then develops ca-ching dollar signs in his eyes. Max successfully convinces the Maf Men that he has the tape, all be it in confetti pieces, (cut up by Gabriel he lies) and says he can restore it using Techtonic Digitalis Tyranasaurus Techniques
Or something like that.
I saw Jimmy Max as having good motivation for using the tape to make money for his Children's Charity work, but he didn't think of it as hurting Frances at the time. It's only later, he realizes that.
So basically, I considered this as a potential catalyst for a later reversal when Max wants to "protect Frances" who I see as finding out her true status as a hermaphrodite after Logan Heisberg put up the money for a doctor's visit which subsequently led to her transfiguration.
Essentially, it comes down to Max realizing the error in his ways and he steals back "the stolen back-pretended-to-be-reconstructed-recording of Gabriel and Frances at the drive-in".
When this happens, that's when Darnell gets THE CALL (that originally was just his Drug Dealer Dude) but I wanted it to be real and since Darnell is a Heisberg too, with loads of money, Darnell can't have the ability to give him what he wants. And what he wants is THE TAPE that Darnell figures was burned a long time ago in a scene I constructed with he and Max where Max hands him an EMPTY BOX and says, "Here, chuck that thing in the fire!" This was, at that time significant for Darnell because still, his anger at Gabriel simmered underneath and it was a way of getting him out of his mind.
The reason all of this is significant is that it lends credence to the outcome of The Fake Reality Show and what they plan on doing with it. This is something I dug up from some old files:
Max
I told them that Gabriel cut the
tape up and that I could put it back together using special technology. I’ve been giving them pieces over the last ten years. They’ve been paying me. The money’s been going to charity.
GABRIEL
If they’ve got a bunch of the tape
then why are they demanding it from Darnell?
Max
I stole it back the second time.
Forgot they had me on security tape. I'm a lousy criminal.
They were heavy handed, threatened me and so I told them Darnell
found out and threatened to kill me, so they laid off.
GABRIEL
You guys are totally insane.
DARNELL
Birds of a feather...
GABRIEL
I’ve got an idea. You owe them the
tape with me and Frances, but what if we give them something better. Something nice and pugnacious for their paparazzi paws.
DARNELL
A bargaining chip?
GABRIEL I was gonna take this whole
reality show thing and use it for myself, but let’s put this tape thing to bed.
Darnell and Gabriel shake the big shake. Gabriel claps three times. A bit of stardust as he does.
GABRIEL
Let the games begin!
EXT. MAZE - NIGHT A huge hedge maze goes off into the distance...
**Onward is the Paintball Scene that is Half Real/Half Revenge as the characters use
it to "make the bargaining chip" and also get even with each other in their twisted fashion.
** I envision these characters to go way back in terms of time to their childhoods. There are a lot of special dynamics that happen individually, in twos, threes... etc... and as a group as a whole.
A whole heck of a lot since it began as the story about a reunion, a stolen ring, and two guys oohing over a stacked blond.
All in all, yes, we're still writing... TBC
Sandra