Hey man it was actually me who commented on the premature thing. The word you mean is immature.

You sound like you've got a good attitude, I would normally read your script and give you some advice but it's just too hard to understand because of the broken English. Maybe someone can help you translate it better?

Now I notice you are in Jo'burg, is English not taught in South African schools now? Just curious, because I have a few friends from there and I was under the impression most South Africans are fluent or at least have a good grasp of English. Is that not true?

Without reading it:
Shaun is  a married man, who's trying to balance maintaining his responsibilities and loving his pregnant wife.  Ricky, Shaun's best friend, is a bachelor trying to enjoy the experience and pleasure of single life. Read along as they discover the true meaning of love, while creating a ton of memories along the way

It's at least a bit better

Talent, I really like your attitude, so if you want, I can try to help you translate this to be better understood.

Talent...  I try to avoid reading new scripts because most of the writers aren't around, but you've been popping up here lately, so I took a look.  I made it to page#24, but it wasn't easy.  

Mainly because I was hoping to get to the story, but nothing has happened. You need to grab the reader within the first ten pages.  Get to your story quick, set things up efficiently.  It's too late in the game... you cannot wait until act two to know what your character is after.  I also didn't feel Shaun was driving your story and he should be.  I would definitely get Shaun and Nicole together much sooner.  And there's really no conflict either, everyone seems to get along.

134 pages is too long.  Somewhere between 90 and 110 is better.  If you took out all your camera directions, cutdown on all the unnecessary descriptions, and just focus on your story, who could get there.  (most of your writing is superfluous and distracting), don't be compelled to describe every setting, every action, every moment down to the minutest detail, the smallest gesture, the most miniscule moment.  It makes for a boring read.

Use the rule of thumb. No paragraph should be taller than your thumb is wide.  Less is so much more.  Keep them under four.

Not saying you can't use camera directions, it is a screenwriting tool at your disposal, but too be honest they should be left for the shooting script.  Like this one, and that's fine and dandy if you plan on filming this yourself... if you're not... then you should be writing a spec script instead.

If you write a script that looks like a shooting script, you are advertising your amateur status and the fact that you haven't read many professional scripts. Don't do it.

I've extracted two pages from your script, and left comments, suggestions.  I'll email the PDF document to you.

Other tad bits...

The beginning of scene#5... get rid of... "The sun ascends."  
Your introduction of Nicole... not good.  "she makes you feel your heart claim to be convicted within your chest as it pounds... she turns a second into an hour when you stare at that her you can't get enough."

Remember you're confined to what we can see and hear.  With one exception-- the character descriptions. Want to imply something about the character beyond what a camera and microphone will capture?  But... you blew it here.  Try again.

I don't know, maybe... NICOLE EVANS, 30s, beautiful, pregnant, good-girl wholesomeness, sits on the sofa.  I'm thinking off the cuff.

All that dialogue between Nicole and Cynthia... cut the blather, "How are you... how you doing..."  It's boring, ruins the pace, and it doesn't advance your story.  There's actually more throughout.  I just pointed out this exchange.

"the cookies push each other becasue they don't want to reach to a death penalty while Nicole and Cynthia coffee up in speech."  I've read this four times and I still didn't get it.  I've come to my own conclusion, consider getting rid of it.

Scene #6,  the dialogue between Dwayne and Shaun... people don't talk like that.  Atleast none I know.

Please hang around, browse through the forums.  Participate.  You can learn a lot from the folks here.  You seem to be gracious about the comments you've been given, hopefully they continue to be helpful.  I'd like to think were all here for the same reason, to help your fellow writers to fine tune their work.

I truly believe...**All roads lead to Rome** -- read professional scripts, read, read, read.  Screenwriting books, learn the craft, develop good writing habits, so you can write professional material in a professional way.

And yes, I'm still on the road to Rome.  Good Luck.

Ghost
  

Talent -

Like a few others who have already posted, I found that I couldn't get past the first page...the English is just not smooth.  And the logline does really need adjustment.

THAT SAID - from the little I read, it appears that you have talent and skill for putting together poetic descriptions.  For example (on p. 1): A city that plans big, not small.  A description of a character as tall, athletic...everything that a lady would stare at.  (I'm paraphrasing somewhat.)

I have to say - to make the most of what you have, you probably would be best off writing this in your native language (and maybe polish the English version in your spare time.)  Not trying to be harsh - not at all. But hey - play to your strengths!!