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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  La Francesa (en espanol) Moderators: bert
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  Author    La Francesa (en espanol)  (currently 2886 views)
Don
Posted: May 9th, 2011, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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La Francesa (en espanol) by Juan De Biase - Drama - Leaving France for a new start in a Caribbean island turns a young prostitute into a successful tantalizing entrepreneur. This script is in Spanish.  131 pages - pdf, format


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LC
Posted: May 10th, 2011, 7:36am Report to Moderator
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Stating the obvious... but because your logline was in English, and yes I did see (en espanol) thought maybe... but no.

Don't know if there are any Spanish speaking SS members... maybe.


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juandscribe
Posted: May 11th, 2011, 3:10pm Report to Moderator
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You´d be surprised to learn that in Spain, Simplyscripts is scrutinized thoroughly, in case you didn´t know.
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leitskev
Posted: May 11th, 2011, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Juan, does your script take place in Spain? I saw a documentary the other day that was shot largely in Cordoba. Unbelievably beautiful place. I would love to see it some day.

Sorry, I can't read Spanish, or I would take a look into the script. Good luck though! The Spanish speaking world is so large there must be huge potential in the audience.
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LC
Posted: May 11th, 2011, 8:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hmm, this one won't let me edit my original post. So...

Juan, Qué Pasa man? Sadly I only know 'whassup', and how to request tea & bikkies in Spanish, oh, and I could sign off with Mucho Besos, but that really wouldn't be appropriate.

I have a good friend lives in San Sebastian - that's one beautiful looking place too.

Made my first comment, cause I was intrigued to read.  


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Andrew
Posted: May 11th, 2011, 8:30pm Report to Moderator
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Hola para el sector español de la comunidad Simplemente scripts!


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ReaperCreeper
Posted: May 11th, 2011, 10:34pm Report to Moderator
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Que onda?

Lei las primeras 10 paginas de tu guion y debo decirte que note varios "indescriptibles" -- es decir, por ejemplo, en la primera pagina, dice que "Hace frio." Esta frase no tiene ningun lugar en el guion porque no se puede grabar con una camara a menos que nos des una descripcion del frio -- nieve, por ejemplo, o gente con abrigos, etc.

Tu prosa es buena, pero muy pesada para un guion de cine; el objetivo es hacer las descripciones concisas y rapidas para poder estimar el tiempo de rodaje si es que alguna vez se produce

Tu dialogo no es malo, pero no me parece muy natural tampoco. Parece algo demasiado "teatral."

No esta mal, pero es mas largo de lo que deberia ser con las descipciones que utilizaste.

--Julio
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LC
Posted: May 12th, 2011, 3:35am Report to Moderator
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I'd love it if you guys would translate what you said above. I have a feeling Andrew, Smart Alec, ) (just kiddin btw) said words to the effect of welcome to SS, and Julio probably gave a little bit of a review, am I right. Is Juan's script good? That's what I wanna know.



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George Willson
Posted: May 12th, 2011, 8:36am Report to Moderator
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In a nutshell, Andrew did welcome Juan to the group.

Julio said he read the first 10 pages and noticed a few unfilmables and gave a couple of suggestions to show, rather than tell. Juan says it's cold, so Julio said to say it's snowing or show people in coats. He said the descriptions are a bit heavy and should be a bit more concise for a script. The dialogue is good, but feels a bit theatrical. Then he noted it's not bad but it is a bit long.

I'm not a native speaker, but I'm curious to see how much I'd understand of the story, since I'd be the worst to grade the prose. But then again, plot has always been my strong point.



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George Willson  -  May 12th, 2011, 2:28pm
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LC
Posted: May 12th, 2011, 9:11am Report to Moderator
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Thanks, George.


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juandscribe
Posted: May 15th, 2011, 7:20pm Report to Moderator
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Para Julio,
El frio, es simplemente el estado del clima para arrancar en algun lugar del norte de España o Francia. Si te dedicas a criticar más que a interpretar, tus observaciones son validas, En cuanto a la prosa, no lo entiendo, es descipción narrativa lo que pongo en papel de mi guión, LA FRANCESA. Otro más; si te hubieras extendido un poco más en la lectura, te hubieras encontrado con TRABUCO, un negro musuco que para nada habla formal.
Gracias por tu comentario.
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: May 22nd, 2011, 12:58am Report to Moderator
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Interpretacion y critica son esenciales en un medio como el cine, particularmente cuando expones un guion a una comunidad internacional.

En cuanto a mi comentario sobre la prosa, un guionista debe tener completo control sobre el balance entre narrativa y brevedad. La brevedad es esencial en guionismo porque cada pagina debe corresponder a un minuto de rodaje.

Al escribir  --


Quoted Text
Nicole en su carrera resbala -- cae hiriéndose una
rodilla, pierde un zapato, pero nada la detiene. Un tercer
BRAMIDO del vapor que la espera se escucha, angustiada se
quita el otro zapato para agilizar su carrera --
descalzada y tambaleándose corre hasta alcanzar el muelle.


-- un parrafo que podria ser mas conciso, estas arriesgando el perder el balance de la escena. Adicionalmente, el formato de tu dialogo (que, confieso, no tengo idea si asi es simplemente como se escribe en España) escrito lado-a-lado tampoco es correcto, ya que el dialogo ocupa mucho menos espacio que normalmente tomaria en la pagina.

Para acabar con esto, si tu dialogo fuera escrito en una sola columna, este guion acabaria siendo mucho mas largo que 131 paginas. Mucho mas largo de lo que ya es.

--Julio
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juandscribe
Posted: May 23rd, 2011, 10:37am Report to Moderator
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No escribo en prosa castellana hombre, solo narro descriptivamente para ser inerpretado, y no lo hago desde España, cuyo Cine es de mis favoritos. El minuto x pagina no es una ley de piedra, se rompe más con la palabra que con lo visual y... parece que tu fijación sobre las diez primeras paginas, parece seguir recomendaciones de quienes prefieren, pre-leer, pre-huzmear levantandose de la mesa antes de terminar el plato.
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: May 24th, 2011, 1:25am Report to Moderator
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Me levanto muchas veces de la mesa antes de terminar el plato...especialmente si sirven moluscos. GAH!!

Y no, no es una ley completamente establecida, solamente hace la vida mas facil a potenciales miembros de produccion.

--Julio
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juandscribe
Posted: May 24th, 2011, 8:00am Report to Moderator
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Efectivamente Julio,

Tus comentarios despiertan lo que siempre y nunca se termina de hacer, la revisión "final". Si encontraste un poco teatral, los diálogos en la intrducción del Guión, es porque sencillamente el capitan del navío esta formado dentro de la caballerosidad que caracteriza a estos "gentleman", mas adelante la cosa se pone caliente y espero que hayas llegado a ese punto en la lectura.
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