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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  It'll Never Change Moderators: bert
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  Author    It'll Never Change  (currently 1263 views)
Don
Posted: April 27th, 2012, 6:46am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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It'll Never Change by Joshua Wilburn - Drama - A young woman whose experianced abandonment and drug addiction has seperated herself from the rest of society.  With the help of her loose roommate, her boss and a young bartender, the young girl regains faith in people.  But her past haunts her. 90 pages - doc, format


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Forgive
Posted: April 27th, 2012, 5:08pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Hi Josh - I suspect that you're not around, but just in case you are:

Few things in life are free.

One of them is Celtx.

The other is feedback on these boards.

Get this in the right order and things may just begin to crawl in the right direction.
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RJ
Posted: April 29th, 2012, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Joshua, looking furthur than the first page, it does seem that you know a few of the basics, but you will need a proper script writing software to get read properly - as Simon has said - there are free ones out there and they will help you immensly. In a re-write though, I don't recommend more than four lines of description. The first page almost put me off reading any more of it. Plus, there is no need to add Title Cards etc, a producer will organize where things like that go, they are not needed in a spec. I was a little more intrigued in where this was going after the next few pages though, but don't have the time to read on today.

Good Luck.

Renee
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Yosef91
Posted: May 24th, 2012, 9:27am Report to Moderator
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Joshua,

Previous posts have addressed the format issues, so I will not.  

I stopped after one paragraph because I see fatal flaws that must be corrected.  The most egregious that you are telling, not showing.


Quoted Text
The apartment is home to two college dropout girls.  Brittany, a blond sex addict who sells make up door to door, and Moni, our anti-hero.  Moni is a tall, skinny, dark haired girl who whose a drug addict.  She smokes pot, does heroin, drinks and sometimes take ecstasy when she can get her hands on it.

How do we know Brittany is a sex addict?  How do we know Moni is an anti-hero and a drug addict?  You are not allowed to disclose these things, only the story can via dialogue or action.  

I would suggest Dave Trottier's "The Screenwriter's Bible: A Complete Guide to Writing, Formatting, and Selling Your Script."  It is a must-read and describes in detail the proper ways to correct your errors.
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