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Finding, Searching, Hoping by Craig Singleton - Drama, Crime - Private investigator Michael Bloomfeld gets deeper into a case than he imagined when a small boy goes missing. 100 pages - pdf, format
Craig, as Jordan mentioned, this has a ton of issues that need correcting, and Jordan points out a free program like Trelby or Celtx will help with that. Beyond that, you need to understand that you can't write out a screenplay and then not edit it afterwards before you show it to people. Or show it to someone else who is good with grammar to read before you show it to others.
I read one page and here are a few corrections I noted right off the bat:
You're too wordy in your action sequences. There is no need to describe everything to a minute detail.
In your first sequence you write:
A man named PETER is stood in the kitchen, he makes coffee. The kitchen is small, plainly decorated with dirty worktops.
Beside having some rough grammar in there, you can eliminate half the words here. This might work better:
PETER (43) makes coffee in a small, plainly decorated kitchen.
Next, you write:
He pours the coffee from the pot into a cup. He puts the pot back down. He turns back towards the living room.
This is way too descriptive. Keep it simple, simple, simple. So, for example, the above description could be as follows:
He pours himself coffee, then heads into the living room.
Other issues:
Don't put a colon after a character's name when they are speaking.
Your page numbering is off. Don't number the Title Page or the first page of your script and then the numbers go into the upper right corner, not at the bottom of the page.
Don't describe a character in the dialogue heading--use action sequences for that.
BARTENDER (EARLY 20s): (SMILING)That’s not what you do.
s/b BARTENDER (smiling) That's not what you do.
The wrylie goes between the character name and the dialogue.
So that's enough comments for now. Hope that helps. Read a bunch of scripts online here, especially ones that are well-reviewed, and then go back and edit the hell out of this and repost.
Good luck, Gary
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned